Apology

Hi this is Ali,

I have something I need to tell you.

First of all I'm sorry about this, I know you're going to be pissed off with me, but I'm not the one who's been writing this blog recently.

When I first motivated myself to loose weight (not because of any social pressures or because I found myself unnatractive, but you know it's because I don't like the things that go with it, like not fitting into decent clothes and not being able to walk around as easily), I decided to just ignore this whole feederism thing. There is a part of it that attracts me and that was the problem. If I were to frequently visit fantasy feeder or write about my binging, then it would never stop and I'd never stop gainning weight.

So I ditched the whole thing. I ditched the blog but I kept visiting my email inbox since there were people I wanted to stay in touch with. I admit I didn't do a very good job but there were people out there who made me feel attractive in the way that I didn't before.

I got lots of emails asking me to update my blog and I don't like to dissapoint people (even though I probably do and this particular update is probably quite dissapointing for some of you), so one of my freinds I was emailing said he wanted to write it for me. We were getting on well, and he is a really good guy, so I gave him my blogger login details and told him to just write a few posts and then end it.

Then I went back to my life and forgot about it all. I still emailed a few people but the past feederism thing wasn't the topic anymore, which helped me loose some weight. Then he emails me and tells me he fucked it up. So I read it, obviously, to see what he'd written.

It's not bad, but I told him to end it, that was the point. I didn't have the time, and basically you know if I can't be bothered to do something it'll never get done. Now I feel really bad and I'm really pissed off with him for creating this whole time-line of new crap, which never actually happened.

Russ doesn't exist, but I do have a boyfriend. He's sweet and caring and he loves my figure, even though I still have trouble staying the same weight for more than a month. He doesn't pester me to loose weight or gain weight, he's not a feeder, probably an FA, but I don't want to be stick thin so we don't have any issues. At the moment I'm 17 stone something, but I tend to loose weight from cooking healthily and gain weight when I can't be assed and find myself having a takeaway. I gave away all my biggest clothes to charity shops and swore to myself I'd stay under 20 stone, which I have.

I'm not going to be writing to this blog again. I've kinda fallen out with my friend over this, but I still think he's a nice guy, I hope we can get over it, not that I particulalry want to chat with him again. If you do come across another update it'll be him, I hope saying sorry, but I doubt it. I'm leaving this up for a while, just so people can read it. I don't think he'll delete this post.

Anyway I'm sorry again. I'm deleting my yahoo mail box as well since he had access to that. You can email me, but I won't be emailing back. Not because I don't want to, but because he's good at deception and you wouldn't know for sure it was me.

I'm happy with my life at the moment and there's no room for anything like this. I know that one day the temptation will draw me back, and I still remember this and everyone I met when I'm binging or I get on the scales and it says "fuck off", but right now I don't want anything to do with this.

Hope you're all well.

Ali x