Just a Quick Update

Hi all,

Just a quick update for now.

I haven't weighed myself so I don't know what I weigh, but I'm mostly wearing stretchy waist-bands :P hehe. My uniform skirt doesn't fit anymore, I've been wearing trousers, nobody has mentioned it yet, it's not like it's a rule I have to wear a skirt, it's just that I have to wear matching uniform.

I've been eating a LOT even for me. I went for Chinese last weekend and actually couldn't walk out for almost an hour after eating :P I'm afraid I wasn't paying attention to what I ate, but I know that I ordered 3 main meals for myself, but I was sharing with friends and there were tons of sides and appetisers. Plus, being the piggy that I am I had cake too hehe.

A few days ago I almost had a crash. I almost rear ended someone because I was concentrating more on getting a donut from my bag than the lights ahead, so I've stopped eating in the car. It used to be a rule of mine that I wouldn't eat while the car was in motion but I've been naughty and kinda disregarded that rule until now. I feel like I'm hungry all the time, even when I've just eaten. I do get to a point where enough is enough (or I'm going to puke) but I still feel like I want more, so it's hard not to snack while I'm driving. Especially since rareley a journey goes by without a stop to buy said snacks :P

Right now I'm sat in bed eating a pack of muffins I left on the floor, but I'm on the 4th and last one so I've got to think about getting up and fueling up for the morning. There's not a lot of food in so I may even have to shop. I've got time off until the 29th then just 4 hours that day until the 2nd when my shifts are back to normal. Even though it's busy I'm not needed lol :P I'm just staying in mostly, I have a lot of work to do ;) I feel a little guilty that I've spent less than a hundred pounds on friend's and family's presents yet about 300 on food since the beginning of the month, but then I look down at my growing body and feel sooooo sexy and so good about myself that I don't care. I just want to eat and eat and grow so large that I don't have to walk or work or do anything I don't want to.

So with that in mind, I'm going to see what I can scavenge, then go on for a mcbrekkie! Today is going to be a 30,000 calorie day if I get my way!

Bubi! Merry Christmas everyone!

Ali x x x X X X x x x

Dec '08

Hi all,

First of all, sorry to everyone who's messaged me and never got a reply. This whole thing is at the bottom of my priorities right now (although it's often the only thing on my mind) and you're all really nice and all of you who message me say such nice things and it's just rude of me not to reply when I should. Anyone who emailed me on yahoo will get a reply eventually, if I can sift through the junk and find what you said in the first place :S

I've been writing my blog on my myspace page since I stepped on my laptop and broke it. I got a new one for Christmas and since I'm in need of it I was given it early, which is how I'm online now. Please go to my myspace page and I will add you, that should fill in any blanks you may have such as why I'm working somewhere else now.

myspace.com/alisonsgut

Anyway, what you all want to hear . . . 27 stone 1 pound. If you were expecting more then I should probably explain. I got really, really sick a while back. Thankfully I was off work but I was throwing up everything I ate and had the runs badly, I was freezing cold and shivering all the time. I didn't eat for about 3 days and barely drank anything and almost asked my mum to take me to hospital but thankfully I got better. I didn't eat much for a few weeks after that and lost even more weight and then caught fucking flu! I wouldn't say it was as bad as whatever I'd had before, but it wasn't good either. I think when you're big, flu can be worse for you than if you're a healthy weight. My aunt gets flu shots in the winter as her doctor worries that with her general lack of fitness she's likley to suffer respiratory problems. My mum has always been really bad with the flu too. I kinda had a hard time breathing, I felt like I'd been climbing stairs all day. I wasn't watching my weight but I know I got slimmer.

Last month dad wanted to go to Spain with mum for a break as he had holiday to use and a few grand put aside for a trip somewhere and they wanted me to come since I wasn't working. We spent two weeks in Marbella (south but I aint no good at geomography) and it was sooo nice to get away from England (even if we couldn't get away from the English). The weather was 'meh' but at least I wasn't cold. We ate out every night and I just pigged out all day. Even when we were in the hotel I was stuffing my face with treats lol.

Anyway, work is hard to find at the moment so when Amiee told my old supervisor at the supermarket that I wasn't working I was lucky to be offered a few hours on the bakery. And no, don't get the idea that I can steal buns throughout the day, I can't! I work 12 hours a week at the moment, 7 in the week and 5 on a sunday but it's fine with me.

Christmas is coming and as you may know, it's special to me in more ways than just one, and again I feel like gaining weight. At the moment, I am pushing hard to reach 30 stone by Christmas day. Money is good, I'm not working much, I barely walk at all and I can't seem to get enough to eat. It's about 9.45 as I write this, I'm sat at my desk surrounded by wrappers from fast food to cakes (and for some reason a curly wurly and I've gone off those, weird), my pyjama top riding over my large, stretchmarked belly. My stomach is packed with 6 crumpets, 2 buttered tea cakes and 4 microwave cheeseburgers and yet it's crying out for more and more. I'm fantasising about my body swelling and expanding and letting myself become immobile, all the while knowing I shouldn't . . .

I will update again soon, make sure you add me on myspace :)

Hugs and sloppy burger relish kisses, Ali x x x X X X x x x

I'll update this again soon but I'm off now.

Updateyness

I weigh 23 stone 8 pounds (330 pounds). 2 stone more than I did last time I made a post and at the very limit of what my Wii Fit is supposed to support :(

My mum is horrified to be perfectly honest, not that she knows how much I weigh, but just that after a year of hard work (and beleive me it was fucking hard) I've not only gone back to my old ways but completley lost my slimmer body and what little fitness I had. I drive everywhere now, even the short walk to the corner shop and, ashamedly, about 30 metres to a post box down the road, although I did then decide to go on to KFC.

Before Christmas I could easily walk around town with Sarah and Amiee, but now I'm carrying so much weight that my legs ache and feel weak, I can't breathe properly and I have to stop every now and then or I get dizzy. I've taken to going into the shops I don't even like just to get a rest, which annoys Sarah whenever she's shopping with me.

At work my boss has clearly noticed how sweaty I get, she even brought me a fan :P It's just soooo hot being upstairs, even thought there's only 1 window the heat just builds up. I get breathless with the short flight of stairs and just sit at my desk sweating. I've brought a lot more clothes for work, not only because of the weight I've gained because I sweat so much I need to wash them more often. Come to think of it my whole wardrobe's changed and I'm only wearing stretchy trousers until my waistline levels out and I stop gaining.

On that note, I've given up trying to loose or even stop myself getting fatter. I was eating around 20,000 calories a day some days and I figured I've just gotta stop eating, but I just don't care. If I go more than a few minutes without food these days I just feel ill :( It's a total addiction, I'm helpless, I give up :P lol. That's easy to say but come next post I'll probably be all, like, "I have to loose 10 stone!". I'm eating a lot at the moment. So far this morning it's been 8 peices of toast, 2 bowls of sugar puffs, 2 choc chip muffins, 1 bluberry muffin, 2 danish swirls, a brownie, 2 twix, a party sized bag of doritos and about half a 2l bottle of Dr Pepper. That's just in the last 3 hours. Right now I'm thinking what to have next as a snack. He's making lunch, he said he'd make me a pizza though I know that's going to take an age and I also know there's no chance of him making enough. 2 15" pizzas is nothing but a snack to me now. I have a cheesecake but I'm saving that. I may just eat it now and get another one later :P lol.

Harry's still asleep, he stayed the night with me again. I haven't slept well recently. If I lay on my back then I feel like someone's sitting on my chest, and if I lay on my front all my fat is pushed into my guts and ribcage and it's too uncomfortable. I lay on my side but then find it hard to move much as my belly spills out onto the bed as if to balance me. When Harry's in bed with me it's even worse. We both snore loudly and he's put on loads of weight since he's been with me too, so my kingsize bed isn't really that big anymore :( I think his waist must be pushing 50 inches, his 44" jeans are sooo tight on him. It's terribly sexy though ;)

I think my compulsive eating is taking it's toll on our relationship to be honest. I never want sex when he does anymore. Usually because I'm always stuffed when we go to bed. I can't sleep without a heavy, full feeling in my stomach, I just have to eat. Snacks won't do, it has to be something heavy and solid, so I don't want to move around much. The missionary position is getting hard too because our bellies are both getting so big. It's not impossible, he just slips out all the time. It's not like he's small down there either. We hadn't had sex, apart from last night, for about a week I think. Plus as the pounds pile on I worry he's not going to find me attractive, but I know he does love me and loves my curves. It's just as I loose the curves and become a blob, I don't know what he's going to think :(

I've been invited camping with my cousin and some of her friends :D I'm trying to get Sarah and Amiee to come. I haven't seen my cousin in sooo long but she's down in the area and wants to go camping somewhere along the coast. I haven't been camping in god knows how long and I don't think I've seen her for about 2 years. I don't want Harry to come because it's just gonna make us argue (putting up the tent and all that) and we just want it to be all girlies :P lol. I'm going to have to really fill up my car with food beacuse I don't wanna go cold turkey if I can't get to a shop :S I'm sure I'm not too fat for my old tent :P lol. It's been in the attic at home since I was a kid but I'm sure it's alright.

I've gotta go now, I'm going to keep you updated when I get back from my hol :D I'm badly needing some girlie time lol :P Tonight I want to go to a buffet, I could eat like a pig, I'm soooo hungry! Expect me to hit 30 stone by next summer, probably even xmas ;P haha! *gives belly a big pat

Love to all of you, sorry I only post a few times a year, I know, I suck! Email me and comment and maybe I'll do it more often lol :P

x x x X X X x x x Ali x x x X X X x x x

302 pounds

Hi all,

For the last few weeks I've just tried to be sensible and only eat what I need. My mum brought me the Wii Fit and it's really fun, but it shows just how out of shape I am. My balance is terrible and it tells me my weight is 21 stone 8 pounds this morning. I thought I might be loosing weight but obviously not, I'm gaining even faster than usual since I started 'dieting'. Maybe my body thinks it's starving if it gets less than 20,000 calories a day :P who knows?!

I'm good at skiing and . . . um . . . that's all :S everything else I suck at and it just tells me off every time I put on weight :P lol. My bf says he hasn't noticed me getting any fatter (even though I now have NO jeans that will button and I'm sat here at my desk with my belly bulging out of my dressing gown), and I can tell that he honestly doesn't find my weight an issue for 2 main reasons.

1), right now he's microwaving me a rustlers cheeseburger and after that he's going to the shops for me to get what I've put on a shopping list that's got to be 15 inches long :P Since I sat here about an hour ago he's placed a box of jaffa cakes on the desk, a 2l Dr Pepper by my feet and made me 2 bacon, egg and sausage sandwiches.

2), when we're in bed, he holds onto my fat and carresses it. It's a huge turn on and when he's doing it I just want to get fatter and fatter, I get that feeling I get when I just want to be an immobile feedee, it's a sensual and sexy feeling that I can't fully describe, it's just amazing. He knows how much better it makes the sex for me and how a little foreplay with my belly or feeding me something creamy makes it just that much better for me.

Anyway, I'm not feeling too good today. I have a hangover and I spent half an hour on the toilet this morning. I've been eating since I got up (well, apart from the time on the toilet, though my bunny did bring me some tea lol) and I don't feel full, though I just feel a bit sick anyway so I might stop for a bit after my burger. I'm just eating compulsively today :P lol.

Yesterday, since my diet was going so well (sarcasm alert) I just totally let myself go and decided I could eat what I like. After breakfast I got some paper and started to write down what I was eating.

8.30 - 4 sausages, 4 bacon, 2 eggs (scrambled), 2 fried bread, mushrooms, tea, 4 chocolate muffins

Then I took a shower and got ready to meet Sarah for shopping.

9.50 - tuna mayo and sweetcorn sandwich, orangina, snickers

We couldn't find any jeans that fit me (mostly as I have an odd apple shape) but I got some green cargo trousers that look good on me. I picked some looser ones and a belt to hold them up.

10.30 - milkyway milkshake, 6 donuts

We kept looking around and found some more stuff we liked, I got a good top to go with my new trousers. It exposes a lot of cleavage, though I needed a new bra to look good. My boobs have grown and I measured myself on Friday as a 46 FF. I didn't want it done professionally because in truth I'm quite ashamed of my body. I mean, have you seen the girls in lasenza? I'm 2 and a half of them :P lol. I got my bra, which exposes a lot of my cleavage and really helps my back (which hurts more now I'm this heavy). I felt really sexy in it!

11.30 - snickers, coke

We kept looking but didn't find anything then went for a maccys.

12.15 - big mac, chicken sandwich, 2 large fries, banana milkshake, coke, crunchie mcflurry

I was suprisingly full on just that so I didn't eat again until I met up with Henry at about 3 and we had pizza.

3.00 - 15" hawaiian pizza, lemonade, 2 slices fudge cake

We went to the cinema to see Indy (it's pretty good, see it but it's, umm, odd), so I got snacks (even on a full belly lol).

4.something - 1 (scoop of each) cookie dough, phish food, brownie, large sweet popcorn, hotdog, nachos with cheese, large coke

I don't think we got home until about 7 and I was starving by then so I had some leftover pasta. Henry wanted sex but I just wanted to eat and told him we didn't have time since we were going out to have drinks with Sarah and Amiee (although he ran off later to see his friends, but that's fine with me). I just desperatley wanted some cake and had a chocolate geauto (spellingage) to myself before showering and getting ready to go out. I'd sweated a LOT, in fact this summer I've sweated buckets every day :S my car smells a bit funky and my sheets need changing a lot but other than that it doesn't bother me.

8.30 - I got smashed. I think I had at least 4 beers before going onto alcopops, which lead me to shots though I don't remember any.

The next thing I remember was ordering a large donner kebab, chicken wrap, cheeseburger and potato wedges and stumbling home. I think it was 11ish.

I was sobering up by around 1 when Henry called and said he was outside, asking to come in (he was more pissed than me!) and he fell asleep on the couch next to me. I had to move him because I wanted my cheesecake to finish off a perfect day of gluttony. It was a family sized one with 2004 calories and I scoffed it all before feeling really sick and falling asleep.

Henry woke me about 7 and we had a lie in in bed but couldn't really sleep since I was fidgiting and we both have hangovers :P

He's already shopping now and the burger was yummy :P slurp! I hope you enjoyed my day as much as me :P though that's unlikely!

I still don't want to get fatter. I will get fatter. I still have a side of me that likes that idea. I'm sorry about my mood swings. 50/50 that by my next post I want to loose.

Anyway I'm going to clean up, there's junk everywhere! Bubi, lots of love to anyone who's still reading!

Ali x x x X X X x x x X x XXX x

Sorry

Hi everyone,

Sorry I've taken so long to write, sorry I haven't replied to your emails, and sorry to spoil your fantasies again :( I've stopped gaining weight. I'm 20 stone 6 pounds (286lbs), that's one hell of a weight, and while I'll probably still get a bit fatter I'm not activley trying to gain any more.

I started to feel ill and get rashes between my legs and saw my doctor so I'm on a healthier diet. She wants me to loose weight, obviously, but that's not really on my adgenda. If I can just stop gaining any more I'll be happy. I do still fantasise about getting huge and I've even come clean about these things with my bf and he's understanding but not keen on the 40 stone idea :P lol. He said though that as long as I'm happy and he can fit his dick in me there's no problem ;)

I asked him to force feed me a few weeks ago, I'd already eaten 2 15" pizzas (one ham and pineapple, 1 peperoni) and was full to bursting (well, I had been snacking all day lol) and he spoon fed me a tub of B&J and a whole family sized fudge cake ;) It was amazing but I've felt fuller. I'm hoping we can experiment more in the future (and if we do I'll be sure to write about it ;D)

Anyway, that's about it. Sorry about such a long break, I've been so busy! Plus I've just felt ill and lethargic (if that's the right word) and not wanted to do anything but sit around. Even my appettites gone down the last few days, but I recorded what I ate last, umm, Tuesday I think, and it turned out to be 19,429 calories (with 843 grams of fat if you like the details). I know because I've joined a weight loss, calorie tracking site (my profile's all about loosing weight and I wrote it in a bad mood so I'm not giving you the link there), and my mum is happy about me trying to control myself now as she was begining to worry that'd I'd be back up in the mid twenties lol. She thinks I've been really stupid in letting myself get so big again after such hard work loosing, but apart from how unhealthy I feel, I love my body right now. It's so big and round and when I stuff myself it seems to pull my hanging belly up a little and pushes out my upper belly ;D I look so damn sexy!

Mum is on a waiting list to get me a Wii Fit, so when I get that I'll be trying it out a little. You know how much I hate excercise but my back hurts and my legs feel weak and my doctor advised some light excersise to build muscle, as I'd gained a lot of weight so quickly my body hadn't adapted. She said if I don't build up some muscle now it'll be harder and harder to loose weight, which I can see the sense in. I'm also out of breath just walking down to my car and my chest hurts almost every day, and I get heartburn like you wouldn't beleive. But like I said, I've no real intention to loose weight, just when I'm in a bad mood in a forum surrounded by thin girls who think they're fat because they gained a pound at Christmas! Little bitches! Anyway I hope to get the Wii Fit soon because if I gain just another 3 stone I'll be too heavy for it as they have a weight limit of about 23.5 stone (so I read on the box).

Anyway I'm off. My love to all of you and please don't go away because of this because you know what I'm like ;P lol.

Ali x x x X X X x x x

My Date :D

Hi all,

Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve written. I’ve been really busy. You see, I had that date last Sunday and it went really well, so I’ve been seeing him for almost all of my free time.

His name is Henry, although everyone calls him Harry (but I like to call him Henry since I really don’t get it :S). He’s 19, about 6ft, well built, pretty big beer belly (although give me time and I’ll see if I can make it bigger lol). He’s funny and I think he prefers bigger girls, but I don’t know what he’s going to think of my expanding waistline :P

Our first date was great, we went to the cinema and pizza hut and he didn’t even seem put off by my pigging out. And I did, really pig out. He said he’d never seen anyone eat so much pizza before and, I don’t remember how much I ate since I was so into him, but I know I was saving room for hotdogs and popcorn.

I didn’t sleep with him on the first date as, for starters, it was a midday kind of thing, and we both had prior arrangements, although my pussy felt like it was throbbing, I so badly wanted some action I’d have fucked a traffic cone in the street!

I went home after the film and mum had made a roast dinner. Even though I’d had some snacks in the cinema I was starving and got through 3 plates of roast beef. Mum didn’t want to talk about anything out of the ordinary, which was nice. I left after I’d had a while on the sofa to let the food go down and got back to work the next day.

I met up with him again Wednesday, hornier this time than before, and invited him back to my place, with a bit of a wink. I know, I know, I was being a slapper and I even knew it at the time, but I just really wanted a good fuck. Unfortunately I’d forgotten to tidy up so there was piles of crap all over my flat. Dirty clothes, fast food boxes, burger wrappers, plates, chocolate wrappers and various other rubbish. Luckily he didn’t care, though he probably wondered what I was doing in my room for a couple of minutes, I was clearing stuff off my bed :P lol. We’d been out for dinner too but I was still a little hungry so I had a snickers while I was doing it lol.

We had a few drinks, I gave him a pack of my Budweisers and had 2 big bottles of Smirnoff ice while we chatted. After about an hour it was almost midnight and he said he’d better go soon. I lost all inhibitions and just put my hand on his groin and said something like “don’t go, yet” but I was a bit drunk so I don’t really know exactly what I said or how I said it. The next thing I remember I was very, very satisfied :)

Anyway, I’ve been seeing him for most of my free time, so sorry I haven’t gotten back to anyone who’s emailed me (unless I’ve had time to reply to you after writing this :P).

And sorry my blog has kind of gone off topic, this just isn’t the first thing on my mind at the moment. At one point all I could think about was stuffing my belly but now all I can think about is stuffing my pussy :P lol. Plus work is busy and I’ve got other things I like to do in my free time (like drinking, eating, movies and such).

I got my scales however. I didn’t get the ones I wanted, but these ones go up to 31 stone too. It was exciting as I placed them in my bathroom and got on top of them. They made a squeaking noise :P hehe, then read 18 stone 9 pounds :D So that’s another 10lbs I’ve gained. My newest jeans are snug now and I’m bulging over the edge. Today I’m seeing Henry again but it’s been warm lately and I don’t want to sweat so I’m wearing some jogging bottoms and a tank top to see him. I know he’s into bigger girls but if he doesn’t want me to gain any more then I won’t do it on purpose, so for now I’m just eating when I want rather than to gain weight. However that’s still far too much so I’ll still keep getting fatter :P lol. I won’t loose weight though because I’m really loving the fat. I’ll have to find out how he feels but I don’t want to scare him off right away so not talking to him about it yet lol :P

Right, I’m off for now, I’ll write again when I get time :) love you all, bubi for now, Me x x x X X X X X x x x

Getting weird :S

Hi All,

I brought some jeans a few weeks ago with a little room to spare and put them on yesterday morning only to find that they were too damn tight! They buttoned but they weren't comfy. I figured I'd best go to get breakfast as I was starving and had only eaten cereal and ice cream so headed to maccys. I ate in the restraunt but only half my meal as my waistline was digging in so much that to finish my 2nd breakfast bun I had to go undo my button in the car :P

Still a bit hungry (after all, only 2 meals and a small breakfast, that's so unlike me) I headed to the supermarket and picked up a chicken wrap, coleslaw, 20 diddy donuts, 2 custard donuts, a blueberry muffin and a 2l dr pepper. I ate all that in the car then went to meet Sarah to do a little shopping.

Somewhere around M&S (where by the way nothing they sell fits anymore :P) she noticed that I was slightly bulging over my waistline and said "Didn't we buy those last week?"

"Umm, no, I think it was ages ago." I laughed a bit.

"Are you still trying to put on weight?"

I nodded, "I know you don't understand. I regret telling you."

We both laughed.

"You know you can tell me anything," She said, "but you're right, I don't get it. You're mental. But then, I always knew that!"

I laughed. "I'm hungry, you want something to eat?"

"I knew you were going to say that!" She said, "I swear I'm psychic!"

"No, it's because it's 12 and we always eat at 12."

"Oh yeah."

We laughed again, this time almost leaving the shop with two dresses that she hadn't even noticed she was carrying lol. She tried them on as I waited impatiently. I knew she was going to take ages so I quickly went over to the shop and got a yorkie and a packet of crisps, then got back before she'd even finished getting out of her clothes lol.

We had a burger king, my belly ached by the time I'd finished eating but not nearly as much as my debit card :S If you ask me they've gotten more expensive. Sarah asked if I was eating extra to gain more and I told her that I ate too much anyway (after all, I'd just eaten 2 whoppers with 2 large fries) so I didn't need to. I said I had been but that it was too expensive :P lol.

She said she fancied some donuts and a milkshake and there's this really great shop on the high street that sells special shakes made of chocolate bars and busciuts and stuff :P Sarah offered to pay, especially as I'd spent so much so far on food alone. I had a crunchie one and a jammie dodger one and 12 donuts :P Yummy! She only ate 6 and had a jammie dodger one too.

We hung out for a few more hours then I was heading home when mum asked if I was coming over for dinner. I said I was but stopped in KFC for a zinger wrap and some fries to tide me over while she cooked.

When I arrived my mum looked me up and down. I knew what she was thinking. Dad was upstairs listening to some old records and she sat me down on the sofa.

"We need to talk about this, you've definately gained weight and it's ruining all the hard work you put yourself through to get so slim."

I was a little shocked that she'd be so forward and frank with me. With Sarah being so upfront earlier it was like 'whoa, am I going to meet my feeder later too?!' (actually . . .)

"Mum, I really don't want to talk about it."

"I spoke with your dad, I was thinking of making you pay all the rent now that you can afford it."

"But I can barely afford it! I'd have no money for anything."

"My point is that you find lots of money to go out drinking, drive miles to nowhere and stuff your face all day. If you walked more and didn't eat so much you'd be a lot slimmer."

"I've told you I don't care about my weight. I'm healthy, ok?! You know what I'm like and I don't see why I should be punished just because I've put on a bit of weight because of it." I was getting a little cross.

"I just want you to be happy." She said, looing as though she was sorry to hurt my feelings.

"I am happy, honestly. I'm having the best time of my life at the moment, my job is good, my social life is good, and I know I probably drink a bit too much but I'm not an alcoholic. I just enjoy myself." I sighed. "And as for the weight, I've told you that it's not a problem to me and I don't have any trouble with guys."

She accepted that but I think she still wants to put me on a diet again :S god no! I told dad about the car over dinner (pork chops with veg and mash, yum!) and he said he'd take it to the garage in the week.

Anyway, I went upstairs after a fulfilling 3 portions (I think mum actually ate more than usual just so there wasn't as much left for me, can you believe that? :P) to use the loo and saw the scales there whispering 'Ali, Ali, we've been waiting for you . . .'

I hopped on them, jeans open to make room for all the extra me, belly packed with goodness, and looked down.

Only to realise that I'm actually so fat that I need to lean forward to see the numbers :P lol.

17 stone 13lbs. Just a smidge under 18 stone. I think maybe I'm gaining too quickly but what the hey?! After all, I'm up about 2 1/2 stone in not a very long period of time. I could be 30 stone by Christmas. Although, I think I'd enjoy that. As much as mum might want to kill me :P lol. Not that she can talk, all new wardrobe and she's thinking of ordering a new dining table and chairs. Wonder what that means :P

Anyway, it's Sunday morning. I have a date today, he's Amiee's friend. She tried to set us up before but he was busy. He used to try and ask her out but he was so pathetic at it (and she's such a bitch to men, but it seems to work well) that they never got along. Anyway, he's tall and big, so she says, although she said he's not a great looker. But I'm not a shallow girl, in fact you'd probably say I'm too deep lol. I'm so horny and I've got such a busy week that if he wants to score tonight he's more than welcome. For the first time in my dating career I'm worried about putting him off with my eating (because I want a fuck NOW). I always overeat and get huge portions, I'm worried it'll put him off so I'm going to stuff myself stupid before I go out. I'm meeting him at 1 today and we're going to see what we want to do then. I quite want to see Son of Rambow but we'll see. I don't know how I'm going to go all day without stuffing my face so I intend to ask him about what he looks for in women. If I get even the slightest hint that he's an FA then I'm going to pig out like normal lol.

Anyway, I'm off, I look terrible, greasy hair, spotty skin, belly like a mountain of seal blubber, so I'm going for a shower (oh yeah, I know where to get myself a nice shower seat and scales, going this week). I'll write again soon.

Love, Ali x x x x x

Another Sickie :P

Hi all,

Last Firday (umm, before last) I took another sick day as I still didn't feel 100% and Mandy said it was ok. I stayed in bed most of the morning, everything ached for no apparent reason, so I took that as a sign to rest. I ate like usual, only I made myself a lasanga with lots of veg, and added a satsuma and apple to my KFC lunch. I think I just had a cold without the yuckiness :P lol.

I went for a little drive after lunch to take in some of this lovely early summer when the rain kicked in :P so I filled up at the petrol station. I got to the counter and realised several things. a) fuel is fucking expensive, b) my lunch didn't fill me up, c) my purse was almost as empty as my stomach and d) my belly is so big its crushing the stand of crisps in front of the counter.

I paid £40 and it wasn't even full (the car, not my belly :P), and that was almost all my cash gone. Luckily I had another 200 in the bank so I was still going out, but it drilled in just how expensive my pigging out really is. On top of the 40 I'd spent almost a tenner on snacks while in there and the bag seemed so small :( only got a few chocolate bars and 3 packets of crisps.

As my tummy began to growl I broke my rule about eating while driving, but it was rush hour so there was plenty of waiting around.

Me, Sarah and Amiee went out for a few drinks, Amiee tried to set me up but nothing happened, the next thing I know I'm wasted, £50 is gone and my belly is packed with curry. Saturday was only a little better, with one guy all over me in a nightclub, who was so drunk he went and got lost somewhere and I didn't see him again.

So I'm still fucking gagging for it!

That said, things are looking promising, I have a date on Sunday :D more on that later.

Saturday I did have a good meal at home though, mum made steak pie and mash with veg, I ate sooo much!

Sunday I went over for lunch and had a roast chicken dinner, mum had made 2 for the 3 of us and I think I ate 1 to myself :P hehe. I then went to weigh myself, you ready? 17 stone 2 pounds! A very good gain if I do say so myself. I do think I need to subtract the weight of an obese chicken though, haha! However that was over a week ago now so we'll have to see what I am now ;P

Sunday night I just pigged out like usual, I got so full of choclate that I felt a little sick :S I did however go back to work monday and worked all week.

My problem right now is that I'm pretty skint, and worringly, the car has a grinding noise, don't know what it is but I bet it's going to cost me! So, the gain is still on, but I can't afford to splash out so much of my wages on food. It's sad I know but I have no choice :(

I'm still eating too much and I know I'll have put on more weight, but I've been taking it slowly, just to let my bank balance stay in credit. I was becoming obsessed by overeating. I was back to my old mentality of 'eat until it hurts' rather than 'eat until I'm full', only this time I've been driven purely by my sexual desires rather than filling a void. Ok, maybe a little of it is suddenly being free, being a proper adult (well, almost).

I didn't want to do a blog or reply to emails, I don't buy extra just for the sake of stuffing myself, I just eat what I want. And I'm still powering through about 6000 calories a day lol :P

Well anyway, I got paid last week and I'm planning a 'feeding schedule' lol :P Basically, this is my eating plan for the future. This isn't just to do with my desire to put on weight, this is my timetable to make sure I eat a healthy balanced diet every week. I probably felt ill recently due to my diet, it's unlikely to be a coincidence that I've gotten lethargic and sick as my diet's lacked goodness, only to pick up again when I've cut down on fat and salt and gotten more fruit and veg. So with this I can make sure that I can fulfil my dreams of becoming huge and stay as healthy as possible.

As you know I'm lazy, so if anyone wants to write up a schedule for me they're welcome :P Otherwise I'll have done one by the time I post again.

I'd like to say, to anyone reading this and thinking that I'm deluded by 'feederism' into thinking I can be fat and healthy, that I am not at all deluded either way.

To start with, there are no direct links between obesity itself and the illnesses its supposed to create. It's more likley that the high fat, salt and additive content of the foods which contribute to obesity in the poor are causing health problems. After all, diabetes for one is about sugar production and can be brought on in underweight and 'normal' pepole simply by having a bad diet. It's just unfortunate that obesity is seen by many in the medical community as a scapegoat. Even my gp has put everything down to my weight, including tonsilits (I know!) since I got to about 20 stone last time I gained she practically assumed everything was weight related. Thank god I never got cancer.

However, I accept that being overweight really isn't ideal for the human body and carrying this much excess fat is going to get unhealthy as the years go on. I know that realistically I can expect to face things like high blood pressure, high cholestorol, pressure on joints, polysystic ovaries, breathing difficulties and possibly reduced mobility. I'm prepared to deal with all those things as they come, but I know I'm too young to be thinking about immobility and while I see it as a possible eventuality, I don't want it anytime soon.

I'm also unwavered by the idea that guys only want skinny chicks and that only thin people can be beautiful. I've met so many lovley guys (and in contrast an equal number of tossers) on the net that I know guys like meat on their women. I know some may want thin girls, but I doubt it's the majority. Most decent guys aren't fussy either way, but many prefer women to be big. Either just girls with a few extra pounds and a bit of a belly to women who need two seats on an airplane and can't visit the top floor of old buildings. Everyone has their own idea of what's beautiful, and it's a shame that people will always dig at other people's preferences. I'm open minded to people's ideas of what's beautiful and sexy, even if I can't see it. Recently online I met someone who takes immense sexual pleasure in the fact that his anus has prolapsed from the various things it's had up it over the years. Needless to say our conversation was short, but I can accept that it makes him happy, I shouldn't be knocking it.

My own ideal guy would be the type most girls wouldn't go for, but it doesn't mean only I want him. In case you're interested, Mr Right has long hair, dresses casual even for something fancy, has a big round beer belly, loves me even when I'm a bitch and wants me to get fatter, but will also give me help and support when problems occur. He should also have a creative skill of some kind, musical, literal, intellectual, or just being the greatest lover of all time ;) One other thing, he should also be able to drink alongside me and still get me home when I'm paraletic. Sarah manages it without having to lift me so theoretically that shouldn't be a problem.

Anyway, I'm droning on and on, sorry. Like a couple of weeks ago, I'm off ill. I don't know what it is, after a week at work I seem to deteriorate :P not that my job is hard mind you. I began writing this blog ages ago, that's why it kinda begins where the last entry left off, but I've only now had time to finish it. Hope you're all still enjoying this rantathon.

Bubi for now, hugs and calorific kisses, Ali x x x x x

Sickie . . . :(

Hi all,

I’m off work today since I feel a little ill. I’ve been taking it easy but I get withdrawal symptoms without my food :S I get a really bad stomach ache and start to sweat and shake. It used to happen a lot when I was loosing weight but stopped, and now I’m back to normal. It’s not a good thing I suppose, but it is helping me gain because if I stop eating then I feel worse, and as I already feel bad, that’s pretty bad . . .

I think my general health has taken a pounding. My belly has just expanded massively and as I sit and write this it’s pushing my legs apart. I feel so heavy and I remember why I stayed indoors so much when I was bigger, I just don’t have any energy. I get seriously out of breath on stairs and if I do so much as one flight on a full tummy I feel like I’m going to throw up and I can’t breathe properly. I also bounce as I walk now so if I’m full the jiggling makes it hurt and as I’m eating almost constantly that’s becoming an issue. The only time I get away with it is when I’m drinking because I usually get too drunk to care and only eat after. My acne had almost cleared up but now with all the fast food its back with a vengeance, and on my neck and back a little too. I wouldn’t be surprised if some popped up on my chest. All this weight gain and the amount of food I’m consuming is a major turn on yet there’s no one in my life right now that I can sleep with. I thought there might be a few weeks ago but turns out he was just being nice to me and had a girl he was seeing. I get seriously horny and my dildo is starting to wear out! I’m totally out of shape and I can barely walk a few meters at the moment. My muscles just haven’t adapted to my weight as they did before.

All that said, I’m still going to gain more. I’m on the road to 40 stone baby! Haha!

I food shopped and brought new clothes on Saturday, then stayed in and ate, and did more food shopping followed by more eating Sunday :P lol. All week I’ve been binging and there’s been junk food all over my flat. My mum came around and saw what a mess it was, if she’d warned me I’d have cleared up. I’m just so lazy now that the housework is a major chore. I eat until I can’t move, then when I can move again instead of throwing away the packaging I eat some more and the cycle continues :P haha. My mum had a major go at me, she then had a look through my kitchen to see if I really have been eating healthily before going mad that there was 5 tubs of ice cream in my freezer (eaten them all now, but replaced them ;P). The other junk around the house probably didn’t help, but at the very least she didn’t look under my bed :P haha.

The weight gain is such a big turn on for me and I know I’m coming along nicely since my belly’s gone up another inch from my last post. Really gonna have to get a scale soon :P hehe. Not to mention that I’ve had to replace my work clothes with bigger sizes and none of my jeans will button, literally, none! It’s such a big turn on and I really, really need a good hard fuck, so I’m going out Friday and Saturday night with Sarah and Amiee, they said they’d find me a guy :P Amiee has no problems getting guys so she’s a good girl to go out with.

So, if you see 3 fat girls downing massive amounts of alcohol in Plymouth this weekend, go up to the one with spots and ask if she’d like a drink. If the answer is ‘a pint of Guinness and a packet of pork scratchings’, you’ve scored. You’d better have a big pot belly though, and no one too old please :P haha. Actually this is getting creepy, but the odds are slim, after all, how many pubs are there in Plymouth, the alcoholic’s paradise of Great Britain? :P

Anyway, best get back to feeling poorly or I’ll feel guilty leaving Mandy to deal with everything on her own. And somebody PLEASE leave a comment, it’s getting annoying to go on here all the time and see, big shock, no comments over and over again! :P

Bubi for now, lots of love, Ali x x x x x

Greedy pig :)

Hi all,

I wrote this on word as I've had a few and wanted to get the spelling right, hopefully it'll look ok on the page. Also had to cut and paste in a little bit from my phone.

Lately I’ve been all over the place. My life has been hectic and I’ve been confused by my feelings towards myself, my life and what I’m doing to myself with my weight gain.

I’ve done a lot of thinking, talked with a few people, and finally, in a desperate bid to make her feel better about her size, told my friend Sarah (in confidence) about my love of fat and my desire to grow. She was shocked and slightly disgusted I think, but that’s not the point. The point is I’ve decided I’m going to gain on purpose. I’m gaining weight pretty quickly as it is, and forcing myself to eat a little more feels so good and I doubt it will make any difference to how fast I gain.

Sarah’s always had issues with her weight and she can’t be happy until she’s a size zero, which is probably impossible since she’s weighed up to about 15 stone, and I don’t think you can tone your skin up after that. I know I’ll probably never get below 14 stone because of how big I’ve been. We were both a bit drunk and I was frustrated that she wouldn’t ask out this guy she likes because she thinks she’s too fat for him. I tried the ‘I’m bigger than you, and guys want me’ card, I tried the ‘just the other day Amiee got a date’ card (don’t know what else she got though), and eventually I just blurted out that recently I’d made myself fatter on purpose. She was confused, so I explained that I get a massive sexual thrill out of overeating and getting fatter, that there’s nothing else like it and I chat to thousands (exaggeration) of guys who love their girls huge. I did, in the end, convince her to text her cousin to get his number. However, now she thinks I’m mental, but promised not to tell anyone.

Back to the point of this post, I want to make myself fatter. My fantasy is to have a feeder force feed me all day long, no matter how big I get. The truth is that I hate being at all active, if it were up to me I wouldn’t walk anywhere, I wouldn’t work, I wouldn’t do anything but stay in bed, eat, watch tv, browse the net and play videogames (god knows how I’d deal with the toilet, but I’m sure a good feeder can work that out), so being so fat that I’m bed bound, something that once terrified me, is looking like something I want. It seems like my ultimate paradise. I realise that at points it’ll drive me mental and yes, it probably will shave a decade or two off my life, but I don’t think I care. I’m always changing my mind so maybe I will care at some point, but right now all I want to do is fill my fat belly.

I really, really want a feeder. I’m very shy and while I’ve met fat admirers and, possibly the odd feeder, I need someone who can make me massive. Someone with plenty of money, time and the ability to force feed me and bring me food for 16 hours of the day. Not to mention take care of me and keep me hygienic when I’m bed bound. He should be around my age, maybe up to 8 years older but no more, pretty fat and cuddly himself (if not at first I’ll put him on a special diet :P), loving, caring and devoted.

I want to make it clear that I don’t want this person right now. In a few years yes, but it’ll be a long time before I even need a feeder. I love my life right now and I’m going to make the most of it and have it last as long as it will. I think the most I can weigh before it gets in the way of my life as it is, is about 35 stone. That’s huge, that’s almost 19 stone away.

I should have mentioned, I was 16 stone 10lbs when I weighed myself, by now that number’s probably gone up a bit. I think that over a stone in my first month is pretty good (especially when it wasn’t really intentional) but I don’t know whether I’m going to keep that rate up so I’ve no idea how long it will take me to get to 35 stone.

I’d really like to hear from everyone who reads this for your encouragement, and I’d especially like to hear from anyone who fits the description of my feeder :P lol. All my fans (I like that word :P) can send me a myspace friends request.

http://www.myspace.com/alisonsgut

Please remember I don’t put pictures up on any page, but I’m getting more confident and I might send some of you something when I trust you enough. My myspace isn’t my usual one, I didn’t want to involve my friends and family in this so it’s a special one. As of writing this I only have 1 friend and he’s a random guy with spiky hair who was on a friend adding spree lol. I want to add everyone who reads this. You can also get me on my email or on Yahoo messenger: zitsandsprinkles@yahoo.co.uk

But I don’t go onto messenger much and I might take a while to reply to your email. I will though, as long as you write more than just ‘uh, hi’ lol.

Anyway, I’m getting a lot rounder. My pot belly is hanging right down and it feels so good! My jeans are almost all too tight, but I threw on a pair last week and went into KFC to order a family bucket and a zinger wrap, just the jeans, my green tanktop and a pair of trainers. My belly bulged right over my waistline, my tank top didn’t come down far enough and my muffintops must have looked enormous and I felt so damn sexy! I got a couple of teenagers staring at me and I felt so naughty! I know they were probably thinking, ‘what a fatass!’ but even that’s a compliment to me! :D I felt so greedy and naughty as I waited for my big meal. I wasn’t hungry, I didn’t need it, I just wanted it all because I’m such a greedy cow! I drove out to a little car park overlooking the harbour to scoff my meal and felt soooo good unbuttoning them. I waited a little while after finishing, then drove home. They dug in between my legs as I got out and they’re really uncomfortable now so they’re banished to the bag of stuff I’m going to take to the charity shop :)

Yesterday, rather than eating all I wanted, I decided to eat all I could manage. I kept a food diary for you all :D

7.20am Breakfast: 1 bowl crunchy nut cornflakes, 1 bowl coco-pops, 4 sausages, 2 rashes of bacon, 2 fried eggybreads, 2 potato waffles, 4 set yogurts, frijj banana milkshake

8.30am, snack: blueberry muffin, apple, twix, cup of tea

9.10 – 10.30am, snack: snickers, twix, mars, quavers, skips, hula hoops, dr pepper

10.30am break: ham salad sandwich, sausage roll, pork pie, chocolate croissant, coke

11am - 1pm, snack: mars, twirl and hula hoops

(a little break, to make sure there was room for my lunch)

1pm, lunch: Large subway meatball and cheese sub, big mac meal with chocolate milkshake, apple pie, 2 custard donuts, 6 sugar coated donuts and a banana

2pm, snack: cheese twist, coke

3pm, break: salt and vinegar crisps, yorkie

5.25pm, snack: maccy's cheeseburger meal with a coke

6.30pm, 1st dinner: regular sized Hawaiian oven pizza, oven chips, microwave chocolate sponge cake with chocolate sauce and double cream

7.30pm, snack: angel delight banana whip with sliced bananas, sprite

8pm, snack: medium sized vanilla cheesecake

9.30pm, 2nd dinner: kung po chicken, peeking pork, prawn toast, satay chicken, fried rice, honeycomb ice cream, sprite

10.45pm, snack: ben and jerry's phish food (half a regular tub)

11.20pm, snack: 1 large trifle

12.30am, supper: peanut butter and chocolate spread sandwich, 4 pack of chocolate desserts, hot chocolate with marshmallows and a pack of chocolate hobnobs

To be honest I went a bit overboard and was spurred on by writing the list on my phone :P so I tried to populate the list as best I could lol. I never got painfully full but I didn't get hungry, only a little around midday.

I'm doing my best to get some healthy food in me too and that wasn't a good example of that, it was however a good example of trying to gain as much weight as possible :P haha!

I'm loving this, right now I have a chocolate gateau meant for 8 people and I'm almost done and I'm not even properly full yet! I'm such a fat piggy ;P bet you're loving this too!

Hugs and xx's (and apologies for such a massive post), Ali x x x XXX x x x

Friday

Well, yesterday was pretty weird. If you've worked out the time you'll know it's around 9am on a Saturday, not the sort of time I normally like to be up I know, but I can't sleep. I woke up at 7 as I'm used to it now and since I felt starving and needed the loo I just got up. I don't feel so tired in the mornings now that I'm used to waking up early and without getting any excersise at all. No one's on Yahoo so I figured I'll write a blog.

Friday I wasn't needed at work so I got up about 8 I think, then had a fry up for breakfast. A bigger one than usual actually, I had 4 sausages, 4 rashes of bacon, scrambled eggs, 2 slices of fried bread and half a tin of beans. I then had couple of bowls of cereal, a pack of 4 eclairs and a frijj banana milkshake.

I couldn't walk without my belly hurting so I spent the rest of the morning on the sofa pigging out, I had plenty of chocolate and a large trifle to myself :) yummy. I'd eaten just about everything else in the flat so got dressed to go shopping. My jeans are all too tight to be comfy now so I put on a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a white tank top. There was a small gap between them as the tank top is just a size 16 so I went out with stretchmarks on show :P It was really warm though, I got kinda sweaty even though I wore very little. I spent £64.80 in the supermarket getting enough food for the weekend and rushed it home to get the 4 tubs of ice cream I brought into the freezer. There's a good deal on Smarties ice cream, so I got two of those and some ben and jerry's. I also brought myself some booze, 8 cans of budweiser and a large bottle of smirnoff ice.

I went back out to the maccys drive through and had a big mac meal with coke, cheese burger meal with chocolate milkshake and a muffin. I ate that quickly in the carpark and went to get a pizza, which is what I was really craving. As I drove to the pizza place I thought a) I'm on a mission today, non stop eating, and b) does anywhere open for pizza at lunch time?

Fortunately the answer to b) is yes. I got 12" Hawaiian pizza and headed back to my car. Can you guess the odds of bumping into someone you know in a city like Plymouth? Did you know that it's scientifically proven that you're more likley to bump into someone you really don't want to see than someone you do. It could have been Sarah, Amiee, my boss, any one else even, but no it was my ex. While I doubt he knew which one was my car, he was stood by it chatting to some other gorilla. I tried to ignore him and hoped he wouldn't notice but he saw me as I was dumb enough to go to the fucking passenger side first! >:(

He tried to be nice, asking how I was. His friend left and it was just us. He looked the same as before but I doubt I did. Come to think of it I may have looked smaller. He saw the pizza and the maccys wrappers on the back seat (from Friday and several meals before, plus other snack wrappers and a KFC bucket) and commented that I'd given up on my diet and I said I had because I was sick of being moulded by someone else. I'd rather be moulded by fast food. It wasn't so bad running into him, we even laughed about something. I drove home, starting to feel a bit nostalgic.

When I got home I started on my pizza when my mother rang. You'll notice I usually use the word mum, but I'm a bit pissed off with her so she's mother! My ex had called her, just for a chat (can you believe that?! Asshole!) and mentioned all the fast food. When my mum asked he said I hadn't lost any weight since he'd last seen me which gave her the impression that I was getting huge again! It was only Thursday I'd been home! I wasn't wearing anything as revealing though.

Anyway, she had a bitch at me and I started on some Budwieser and got a little drunk. I owned up to pigging out a bit and even went as far as telling her that I hate dieting so much that I just wanted to eat properly for a few weeks. I told her I'd stop but I know I won't. I think she knows too, she doesn't trust me.

Anyway, I spent the rest of the day drinking and eating, I got through the rest of the beer I brought and a tub of smarties ice cream and a tub of ben and jerry's. I did complete a), non stop eating until about 6 when I ate too much pasta and had to wait a while before having a microwave fudge cake.

My belly feels huge, and while I'm still keeping my weight under wraps to keep you intrested (sorry lads ;P), I measured my waist at it's biggest point this morning. My tape measure only goes up to 50" and I had to hold the point with my finger and see what the gap was, so I may be out a tiny bit, but it was 54 inches :D (before breakfast too!)

I feel huge! I'm loving it, I haven't been this big in sooo long! Definately want to gain more weight, I feel so good. Except of course when my mum has a bitch at me!

Anyway, I'm off. Bubi for now, love and hugs, Ali x x x X X X x x x

Weigh in . . ?

Hi all,

As you know I've probably put on a few pounds since moving out to live on my own, but I wasn't sure. Since being put on a diet I got down to my lowest in about 2 years of about 14 and a half stone, though it may have been a little more or less, I'm not really sure. Come to think of it that's a weight loss many girls dream of, almost 10 stone in just over a year, seems odd to think of it that way. Anyway, when I just gave in and started pigging out again the scales were at about 15 and a half stone though I'm not 100% sure.

I know I've gained since then as clothes have gotten too tight and I just feel heavier and more out of breath than before, but I don't really see it on my body. Maybe I'm already too fat to notice it :P lol.

I've eaten more or less constantly all week and done no exercise whatsoever. The farthest I've walked this week was from work to the nearby shop, which is no more than 30 meters. Even that was to buy sweets and chocolate :P I tend to eat all day at my desk and even eat in my car (though not when I'm actually driving), I eat all the time I'm at home and when I've been out for a drink recently I tend to have crisps or pork scratchings, followed closely by a large takeaway meal. On Wednesday I had Chinese, I only went in to order a chicken chow mien and chips but came out with those plus satay chicken skewers, prawn toast, sweet and sour chicken balls and egg fried rice.

Sarah is the only one who knows how much I'm eating, my mum would flip out. My boss just asks that I don't make a mess but she probably knows that I'm a compulsive eater. Sarah thinks I'm a bit crazy but says if I have no problem with being obese and I honestly don't care about the future health risks then I should do what I like.

Although she can't get her head around the idea that fat isn't such a bad thing. She thinks that being fat is horrible and she needs to be size zero. The number of times I've told her about the guys I've met on the internet and she's just refused to listen to me has just made me give up. It's sad to me that she feels the need to change herself to be happy and can't understand how I can be so happy yet get further and further away from the bodily ideal that's been smashed into her skull with a sledgehammer. I am who I am and I'm happy with myself. I wish there were someway to help the brainwashed bimbos and the girls like Sarah who torture themselves with diets and exercise.

Anyway I'm getting side tracked. Sorry.

So eating is becoming the biggest thing in my life right now, which, while plainly fucked up, is probably what most of you want to hear. Maybe you're all fuck ups too?

I don't have any problem with that anymore. My mum's gonna try and sew my mouth shut but other than that I'll be fine.

So, I was at home last night for some more tasty home cooking, I'd eaten a little extra because I'm not allowed junk or snacks while I'm there, so I was rather stuffed, and I waddled up to the bathroom for a good shit. Nice image isn't it? Since I'm being graphic, I undid my top button, which was digging into my fat, overfull gut, and let my skirt drop to the floor. I sat down, my legs now spread open by my pot belly in between them, and let rip.

Sorry, I'm in an odd mood.

I held the sides of my belly and thought about what a fat greedy bitch I was, mentally punishing myself, when I figured I'd better hop on the scales.

I wasn't shocked at all; if anything I was expecting more. You want to know?

Tough shit.

Like I said, funny mood.

I've kept it secret for this long it won't hurt you to wait a little longer. Besides only a couple of you email me and no one chats with me anymore so maybe you don't care?

I'm getting my own scales, I want digital ones and I know where I can get a set which matches my bathroom that go up to 20something stone. 25 I think, can't remember without looking at the catalogue.

Anyway, I'll let you all get back to whacking over the video hoares on youtube :P

Don't be offended by my mood, it's brought on by my mum’s nagging and exacerbated by a 4 pack of Budweiser with my Hawaiian pizza for lunch. Plus I'm gassy and that pisses me off.

I’m not at work today, as you may have guessed. Mandy is working with her husband and shut the office for the day; she’s taking any calls on her mobile so gave me the day off. I don’t know if I’m still getting paid :S hope so! She could have hired someone better than me by advertising for an experienced receptionist so I hope she’s happy with me. That’s such a good job! Not that I’m complaining about a day off. I’m going to have a couple of litres of ice cream now and see where I go from there. Don’t think I’m gonna stop eating at all today :S

Bubi for now, Ali x x x x x x x

First day

Hi all,

Well, where to start? First day of my new job was excellent!

I woke at 7, too early for me usually but I felt good. I also felt starving. The last thing I'd eaten was a chicken curry, rice and nann bread at about 10 the night before so my stomach was howling. I had 2 bowls of cereal and 4 slices of toast and marmalade, then got into the shower.

When I was at home, the shower had a seat as mum is so heavy she doesn't like standing up, but I don't have one. It wasn't a problem at first as I felt so much lighter but now I feel heavier and it tires me out. It's like a work out and I'm panting right away. I brushed my teeth while I was in there and I had to keep opening my mouth to breathe, so it took me a while to get ready as you can imagine.

I put on my new suit, it's a black knee length skirt and a white shirt with a kinda frilly collar like one of those paper doylies, which exposes down to a bit of my cleavage. I thought about getting a jacket but with summer coming up and the inevitable weight gain I decided not to bother yet. I got them both a size too big as well, just for the staying power lol ;P

I was still hungry so I grabbed my stuff and headed over to the mcdonalds drive through for my first ever drive through breakfast, and ordered 2 sausage and egg mcmuffins, 2 hash browns, a large coke, hot chocolate and a blueberry muffin. I kinda fancied donuts but I've gone off the maccy's ones, I ate 4 a few weeks ago and felt ill, so they just aren't for me atm :S

I parked in the temporary parking and stuffed myself nice and full lol. Sitting down the skirt was snug, so I popped the button and lifted my shirt. It felt so amazing to see my belly full and round, the skin tight. I rubbed it while I sucked up my coke through the straw and noticed some guys walking into the front door pointing at me so I put my cup in the drinks holder, did up my skirt and pulled my seatbelt back on. I swear it's been designed by some skinny fucker! It goes all the way around me but unless I pull it out at the right speed it jams and it can take 2 or 3 goes to get the right length. Nevermind, I'm explaining it badly anyway :P Anyway, I got going again and arrived for work almost half an hour early. The door was locked so I waited in the car for a few minutes, then my boss Mandy turned up early too and let me in.

She went through my duties again and I set about organising stuff to make it easier in the future. I was left with a spare draw so I decided to use my first break to go to the corner shop and fill it with chocolate bars and some quavers :P My desk is in the upstairs office, Mandy has her desk there and we both have computers (no internet on mine :( it's an old windows 2000 from her house). Her husband runs the actual contracting (eg, going out to peoples property and doing the work), and the downstairs is where she keeps the displays for the customers, with a back storage room. She's the sales person so I don't have to meet any customers.

I snacked all morning but by 1 I was just hungry so went back to the drive through for my lunch hour :P haha! This time I had 2 big mac meals, one with sprite and one with banana milkshake, then a double cheeseburger and a crunchie mcflurry to fill me up. I felt stuffed but within 20 minutes my belly felt empty again so I picked up a ham salad sandwich, sausage roll, pork pie and a pack of 2 eclairs with a smoothie to fill me up properly. Once I was back in the car I held the sandwich up to my mouth and realised that I really was still full. I'd just gotten carried away lol ;P all the same I decided to keep eating. By the time I was sliding the last of the eclairs into my mouth my stomach really ached. It's been a long time since I've had a double lunch lol. I don't think it will be long before my stomach is back up to full strength :P haha.

I drove back and as I got out of the car my thighs crushed my belly and I felt the pressure of 2 lunches sooo much that I got a little excited and had to take a moment to rub my tummy better. I thought for a moment about how big my belly could end up, looking at it filling out between my legs, but snapped out of it and headed back up to the office. I had to cradle my belly in my hands as I headed up the stairs to stop it bouncing against my thighs as I was so full it hurt for it to move lol. I can get both hands underneath it easily again now, something I couldn't do before I moved out.

I carried on as normal but Mandy told me to leave early because everything was done. She said there was a delivery coming Friday and she'd show me how to check off the items and store it all. As I headed home it occured to me that she might actually want me to 'file' and 'organise' bloody heavy lumps of stone, wood and metal, so I decided I'd better get a good healthy meal so I rang mum and asked if I could join for dinner. She'd made pork chops and mash with veg. I'm not a big fan of chops but had 3 anyway and so much mash I could barely breathe. She opened a bottle of red and we talked about my day and my dad asked if everything was ok at the flat and all the usual, then mum pointed out that I was 'porking out' again and that I should come over every evening to avoid fast food. I told her not to worry as I'm eating healthily in the evenings. When dad went to wash up she insisted I step on the scales just to make sure I wasn't putting on too much weight. No idea what she thinks 'too much' is but I declined and said I didn't want know, and that I'd keep loosing weight. She insisted that I got my gym membership back, especially now I had the new job because she thought that the constant sitting with all day opportunity to eat was going to be too tempting for me :P wonder why she thinks that. Obviously I can't tell her how I feel about weight and food but I'm loving the way she notices, like, every time I see her haha!

I left a few hours later, hungry again as I wasn't allowed any snacks (not that there are any now I don't live at home) so I went to the chippy for a massive portion of chips and 2 jumbo sausages. Then I went to the video shop and got wrong turn 2, since the first one was hilarious, along with a cookie dough ben and jerry's and a big bag of toffee popcorn.

I put the dvd on and ate the chips and sausages when I got home. After that I ate the ice cream, interspresed with handfulls of popcorn. I was too full to eat any more until the film ended when I took a readymade trifle from the fridge (serves 6, or 1 fat ass) and ate that while I watched my name is earl.

I finished it and fell asleep until around 1, when I went to the toilet. On my way over to bed I had a swig of pepsi and a handful of m&ms then felt right to sleep. Luckily I'd set an alarm so I didn't get up late. My morning was pretty much identical except I decided to take a risk and have a donut, and I didn't really like it :(

Happily I found out that I didn't have to lift anything at work, I had a couple of nice big lads to do it for me lol. It wasn't too hard to sort out but I got a little tired so for lunch I had 2 subway sandwiches, both large, one meatball and cheese and one chicken with salad. They were delicious and pretty filing, but for afters I got 10 sugar coated donuts and a strawberry milkshake from a little shop nearby. The donuts were quite small but I ended up really stuffed anyway :P lol.

Other than that the rest of the day was pretty normal, couldn't be assed to cook so went home for toad in the hole and treacle sponge :) yummy. Then behaved myself and just had chinese for supper. I had chicken chow mein, sweet and sour chicken balls and a large prawn fried rice.

I saw on the local news about some sort of place that helps local fatties loose weight. I was bigger than some of the people on there and my doctor never mentioned it. Maybe it's new. In any case I'm certainly not going to any diet groups or anything like that. It's just so pointless and it'd do my head in :P

I was out with Amiee during the week and some 20 something started chatting her up. Bored out of my mind within minutes of being ignored I logged onto messenger on my phone and no one wanted to talk to me. All I got was a sarcastic 'ooookay', so from now on if you want to chat message me because I'm getting bored of it anyway. In any case the guy brought us both drinks which made up for ignoring me, then Amiee gave him her number. Jason or something, looked a bit scrawny and chavtastic but whatever her tastes are, I'm not one to judge.

Umm, that's about it. I really am going to weigh myself soon! Honest! In fact I'm going to buy a scale from boots :) Then I can keep you all updated. Plus the thought of it is giving me a rush lol.


I'm off now, bubi for now. Hugs and xx's, Ali x x x x x x

Easter Eggs

Hi all,

Well, not all, apparently I only have 1 reader but whatever, I write this for myself anyway.

I decided to take the job, and so far I don't regret it. She just took over the business so I have to start on Thursday. I'm supposed to give 3 weeks notice but thankfully as I work on checkouts they can replace me right away so I'm just leaving right away. The only sad part was handing in my locker key, because I've never had a locker and I really liked it lol :P I'll still be seeing the friends I've made from time to time too.

I don't have to worry about uniform anymore but when I was 15 stone I could still get into some nice size 18s, so I could shop nearly anywhere, but now I'm back into some of my old fat clothes from a year ago. I'm going shopping soon. Think I'm size 20 atm.

The car mum got me is a little red Fiesta. It's quite old but it runs really well, even uphill in the cold lol. The guy she got it from wanted £350 but she complained that it hadn't moved in 6 months, the tyres were almost flat and the window on the passengers side jams half way down so he called it £300. Other than that (and we took it to the garage to do the tyres and fill it up) it's perfect.

Yesterday the easter egg sale started. I didn't have work until 5 and I'd had a big breakfast, so I went into town in the afternoon and had a double cheeseburger and a mc chicken sandwich, fries, a muffin and a banana milkshake, then went to the supermarket. I got 6 easter eggs, all my favourites. Mini eggs, cream egg, mars, snickers, flake and chocolate orange. While I was there I also wanted creamcakes, so I got a pack of 4 mixed ones, a pack of 4 eclairs, some custard donuts and some chocolate filled donuts.

I still haven't weighed myself but I think I'm getting pretty fat again. I don't have any intention of staying in a certain weight area really, I think 25 stone would be my realistic limit but the idea of being 30+ stone is a major turn on. I think that as long as I can do my job and live my life without any issues I'm just going to keep eating. I don't care what my mum thinks, she's pretty much to blame for me being fat in the first place and she never set a good example. Sarah's always liked being the 'skinny one' and no one I've ever wanted to be with has seen my weight as an issue.

Sometimes I fantasise that I'm 1000lbs and I'm stuck down to my bed. My feeder continually brings me food and makes me eat, no matter if my stomach is about to burst. I eat the best foods all day long and never have to do anything. It's a simple fantasy I guess but one that I'll hopefully always keep that way lol :P don't think I could live with it to be honest.

Its a turn on to know that having the car is going to make me fatter and fatter. No more walking, no more excersise, no more having to walk miles and get a bus to have fast food. Just get in the car, go through a drive through, park up, stuff my face, repeat. I just know I'm going to be doing that all the time. Plus my new job is a desk job (mostly), I mean, how perfect is that. No matter how much fatter I get it's not going to get in the way of me putting boxes on shelves lol :P plus I can have snacks all day long and I'll have a whole hour for lunch :)

Anyway I need to go get ready for work and have some more breakfast. Email me bitches! I get bored sometimes and like to check my email on my phone.

Bubi for now, lots of love,

Ali x x X X x x

Comments!

Btw leave some comments! I want to know if I still have a readership!

Big Breakfast

Hi all,

My shifts have been all over the place lately but I think I've managed to make enough time to eat well and go out drinking lol! I spoke with Amiee and it turns out I didn't kiss her, now I wish I had. I didn't actually say 'Did I kiss you?' I just brought up the subject of what happened when I'd left and nothing was mentioned so left it at that. Maybe another time, lol.

I had the biggest breakfast I've had in at least a year yesterday morning. I woke about 10 and couldn't be assed to get up so I ate from my stash. I had 2 muffins and a bar of snickers, then got up. As I did I felt my round belly roll onto my lap and it felt sooo nice. My belly's grown noticeably and I fucking love it! I ran my hands over it, gave it a loving pat then went to get my breakfast. I poured out a bowl of coco pops and ate those while I started some bacon and sausages in the pan. When I'd finished the bowl I poured myself the last of the frosted shreddies and finished them as my bacon was ready. I made that into a sandwich and then did the same with my sausages except I waited until I'd fried an egg and added that as well. I then took a tub of vanilla ice cream from the freezer and sat on the sofa eating that for a while as I watched the news. When I was about half way through the 2 litre tub (didn't quite eat all of it as I had a nibble of it with a hot apple strudel the night before, mmm) I decided to leave it.

But I was still pretty hungry and I badly wanted to stuff myself, so I mixed up some pancake mix. As the pan warmed up I took off my top and looked down at myself. I've been so much bigger but I just felt huge. And the thought of how much I was eating and how much fatter I was going to get was making me so excited I began to shake.

I got 11 pancakes out of my mix and had them with chocolate syrup, lemon and sugar and a bit of ben and jerrys chocolate fudge brownie lol ;P

I pushed my chair back from the table and looked down, now pretty stuffed and gassy. I belched and held my fat bulge in my hands, and fuck me did I feel fucking amazing! My stomach was stretched and filled to perfection. I couldn't walk any further than the sofa, where I fell back to sleep, but I wasn't in any pain. I was just perfectly full :P lol.

Today I’m starving myself through breakfast. Hard to believe I know, but I’m sooo hungry and I want to know if I can get through more if I’m even hungrier. Not that I actually have more food than that in the flat lol. I need to go shopping.

I woke up at 1, then regretted it because I was due at work by 2. I squeezed into my skirt and pulled up some tights, then pulled on my polo shirt, which is just toooo tight and my belly's starting to poke out underneath it. To cover up I pulled up my skirt but it was digging into my gut :S it's not comfortable that way but I've got no choice. I've asked for a new uniform, size 24 :S eek!

Strictly speaking size 22 would probably fit fine but, I need room to feel comfy and, while I'm not intentionally putting on weight, it's inevitable that I'll keep growing unless I make some drastic changes, which I know will take the fun and sexual thrill out of my life. No idea what my personnel manager is going to think with the upcoming uniform requests though :S

My skin is a bit, well, bumpy at the minute. Since I lost so much weight it’s been a little saggy, if you know what I mean. It’s annoying that I can’t get any new stretch marks (since I used to like seeing them) but the old ones, which had turned the same colour as the rest of me, are going red again and spreading wider. The skin on my belly feels tighter though :) It’s all a bit weird.

I’m kinda seeing the old 20 stone barrier as an accomplishment rather than a wall, and beyond that as a goal. I don’t know. I feel weird about it. I used to be terrified that I was getting too big to do things like walk far and be active, but now I really couldn’t care less. I have my phases and this will probably pass but the thought of being so fat and full that I can’t get up and need someone to feed me is just turning me on! I like the idea of having such a massive belly that it holds me down to my bed and I don’t have to go out to work. I’m set in my mind though that I’m just going to keep eating all I want, from what I know about metabolism I think I’ll reach whatever weight my diet supports and stop growing. No idea how big that would be, but I’m eating like I used to and I got to over 23 stone. To be fair I’m much more active that I was then, so I’m guessing 25 stone. At which point, I’ll die because my mum will murder me :P

Still no idea what I weigh, going home this weekend for Sunday lunch so I'll hop on the old home scales ;)

My mum’s friend owns a business just outside of town. I’m not going to say what because there aren’t a lot of them, and as I’ve said before I don’t want a stalker, but it’s to do with home improvements. Hope that doesn’t give it away lol :P Anyway, she needs a receptionist, phone sales person and my mum said since the pay’s good I should take it.

I did of course point out the big problem, it’s out of Plymouth and the buses are awkward to say the least, so she said she’d actually buy me a car! Just an old banger, £300 or so, but that since the job is a salary (much more than I make at the supermarket) that I could pay for running it myself. She said she’d buy the tax the first time and help with the insurance but I’d be able to cover it myself. I’m not as thrilled as I should be. Yeah, I want it, but I’m kinda enjoying my current job. I realise though that pretty much all the people I work with would kill for a job like this one to just fall into their lap and I feel like I’d only regret it so I’ve said I’ll meet with her for an interview.

But the thought of the car, the freedom, the ability to go down the shops or KFC at any time of the day or night . . . THAT’S something I really don’t think I could pass up! Plus I could go anywhere, the beach, the moors . . . ok that’s all I can think of but I haven’t been for ages and summers coming up!

I know, I know, I’m so fucking lucky! I’m a spoiled bitch! Like it or lump it!

I’d better go, I’m tooo hungry to think straight :S My tummy literally aches so I’m going for food. I got up at 7.30, its 8.30, so I’ve answered the question ‘how long can I last without breakfast’, and there you go, 1 hour!

Bubi for now, Ali x x x x x x x

My Birthday

Hi all,

It was my birthday on Saturday and to celebrate and because I got piles of cash from family and work, Sarah and I went out. I called a friend from work who agreed to come meet us.

Her name is Amiee (I think she spells it that way, but her locker says 'Amy'), she works on checkouts with me some days. We always get on well and chat lots. She's about the same size as me, maybe a bit bigger, I guess 16 to 17 stone. The thin pretty blondes who work with us avoid both of us so we got talking lol.

As for Sarah, she's gotten pretty fat in my opinion, she won't weigh herself but I reckon she's about 13 or 14 stone, maybe more.

Thought I'd better mention weights as you'd only want to know lol.

We all met up in Sarah's local and started on tequila shots. I had 2 and felt pretty smashed so moved to Corona. We drank and chatted and as I got hungrier I moved the subject on. I said, as I was birthday girl that I wanted a fat chick's night out. Which, unlike a thin chick's night out involves large amounts of fast food. Now that we were all a bit drunk and they'd been strangled by diets for days it was easy enough to pursuade them that Chinese was the place to go. I even got Amiee to give up her diet for the night. but Sarah refused. I said I was paying for everything so they should both pig out.

I tried to explain how liberating and fulfiling it is to stuff yourself full without feeling guilty but Sarah was having none of it. Amiee on the other hand ate pretty well lol.

I ended up too drunk to remember the rest of the night to be honest. I woke up on Sarah's sofa, a pizza box on the floor, her dog sniffing and licking it. Amiee had gone back home but apparently we'd stayed out drinking until about 2 and by the look of my purse I didn't stop eating either lol. I felt sick most of the sunday but had that and monday off too so it was alright.

I really like Amiee in an odd kind of way. She sorta turns me on. I saw her getting changed in the locker room and her boobs are enormous, her belly folds over in the middle where her waistline always goes. It makes me feel a little horny, especially when I see her waddling and getting out of breath on the stairs at work. I'm not a lesbian, I've had such satisfying sex with my ex that I don't think I could be. And it's too fashionable to be bi these days lol :P Maybe it's just the things that remind me of me, I don't know. Only thing is that I think I tried to kiss her lol :S But I can't remember much, just that we were talking about sex or something and I remember being in close.

If I did I hope it doesn't matter. It wouldn't be a first for me anyway lol ;P I read through my old posts and remembered back to that week I spent with Jess. I haven't seen her much but we stay in contact on facebook and msn (no you can't have them) but my yahoo is still zitsandsprinkles@yahoo.co.uk.

Thinking of previous posts I've decided to delete all the posts that I didn't write myself. The whole incident was creepy, however if you want to read them again they'll be saved as a blog on my myspace page (which I haven't made yet but will soon).

Anyway I neeeeed to eat. My tummy is growling so I'd better go feed it something. There's pasta in the fridge but I doubt that'll be enough ;P

Bubi for now, hugs and xx's

Ali x x x x x

A bit of thinking

Hi all,

First of all, I feel good about myself right now. Ok, I've outgrown my work uniform, but I'm happy. Food really does make me happy. Feeling a heavy, fattening meal weighing me down, making my tummy round and swollen, is such an amazing feeling. I'm getting wet (and hungry) just thinking about it now. I feel sexy when I see my fat belly poke over my jeans. I feel naughty just ordering my usual then like a filthy pig when I'm cramming it in my mouth and finally like a big sexy swollen bloated princess when it's all inside of me, giving me a tummy ache and making me more and more obese.

But . . .

As the scales creep back up to 20 stone I remember how I felt and why I ended up loosing a lot of it. Then I feel bad because it's discarding all the effort I put into loosing, not to mention the support my parents gave me.

My problem is that I need to decide what I am. Do I feed myself stupid or do I restrain myself and deny what truly makes me happy? Feeling full to bursting at all times.

I've thought about where it all began for me. I think I've written about why I ended up getting so fat, but I wondered why I love to feel so full. I think it goes back to when I was only just 4 or 5 years old. I remember I would get snacks a lot of the day, then we'd sit down for our meals. I'd get full very quickly and leave my veg, and mum would tell me I had to finish or I wouldn't get dessert. So I'd force it all into my tiny little belly and wait for my reward. Then as a reward for finishing that all up I'd be allowed seconds and something from the fridge. I'd be facinated by my little belly, the top so round and firm and the bottom so soft and wobbly. I'd cradle it and feel like mum, her hands on her big satisfied belly after dinner. Then when my tummy stopped aching (which mum had led me to beleive was the norm after dinner) I'd forget about it and get on with playing or whatever I did.

I think I associated food with reward at a very young age, but I also think I am how I am for a reason. It's not just like getting a fix.

Oh god I'm hungry!!! Can you tell?! I'm going for a curry! Thanks for reading my rant.

Maybe some chicken too.

Hugs, Ali x x x