Monday, February 25, 2013

Feb '13

Hi all, Well, another couple of months have passed and for me it’s been another couple of months of staring at the TV like a zombie and stuffing my fat face. I’ve been freezing cold too. I have 2 outside walls on my room and it’s been so cold that even with an extra electric heater in here the walls are getting condensation and the window has been literally dripping so much that there are towels on the windowsill to soak it up. I keep warm with a double duvet over the lower half of me and a fur throw over my shoulders, but I still get quite cold at times. Worst is if I wake up in the night and the heater isn’t on, its so hard to get back to sleep. Mainly I’ve been keeping myself busy playing GTA IV, since I saw a trailer for V and I got all in the mood for gaming again. I haven’t seen anyone except my aunt since just after xmas, which really sucks. Vicky hasn’t been well and has stayed home a lot apparently so she hasn’t been over. Mum keeps saying she’s going to come but I haven’t seen her yet either. Something gross happened a couple of days ago, one of my hips just randomly split open when I was shuffling onto my side so my aunt could wash me and change the sheets. I can’t see or feel the skin on my back and bottom, but I can see on my sides and it’s dry, dead, yellowish skin, like you get on your feet, and it’s the same only worse behind where I can’t get to it. As I was rolling over it just split open and seeped fluid for hours, I was soaking it up with tea towels, it was horrible. The fluid was like runny cooking oil. It hurt a lot at first but now it’s just a bit sore. I have some dressings left over from an infection I had last year, so we used those and it’s healing I think. I don’t think I’ve gotten much fatter. I wasn’t well for a couple of weeks last month, I had flu and was vomming up every 15 minutes so I went almost 2 days without eating, that’s the longest in a fucking long time! I was so hungry but I couldn’t keep anything down, so ended up the day after on a ration of soup and bread. I got back to my usual diet after that and I’ve been more or less eating slightly more every day since, naughtily coaxing my aunt into bigger portions and extra snacks haha :P My aunt shops at a cash and carry, and she was saying to me, because I eat so many sweets, that she could probably save money if she just brought them in bulk. I didn’t realise that you could, but she can get the sweets in big tubs like you get from pick and mix, so I was like ‘I MUST HAVE!’ and she got me loads of flying saucers, space pencils, haribo and sherbet. I also drink lots of energy drinks so she’s getting those by the case for me too, but that’s only heightened my addiction lol :P I now drink about 5-6 cans of relentless a day. Fuck knows how many I’ll be downing when it starts getting warm again. I haven’t even drank coke in a while, seems like all my fluids are energy drinks now. All the sugar has made my gums hurt a little, but they are fine when I clean my teeth. Not sure what I’ll do if I need them filled or plucked out, haven’t seen a dentist in ages. Probably need fillings anyway. I love the sweets because even when I’m really full I can just pick at them until my next meal and they don’t spoil my appetite. I’ve gone through half a tub of haribo and half a box of space pencils so far today alone, so that might give you some idea of how much I get through every week. Because Vicky hasn’t been over with any McDs or KFC for a while now, I’ve been allowed extra takeaways. Usually it’s ‘you can’t have any because you pigged out already today’, but since I’ve been so lonely and haven’t had my fix I’ve been pretty down, so my aunt has been letting me get whatever I want. Last night I had a half duck, satay chicken, seaweed, prawn toast, sweet and sour chicken balls, kung po king prawns, crispy chilli chicken, mixed meat chow mien, chicken fried rice, chips, curry sauce and a bottle of sauvignon blanc all to myself. It took ages to eat and I was just stuuuuufed after, I struggled to breathe for a while. We got it late, so I didn’t finish eating until gone 1am, and my aunt was in bed, so I had to get my own dessert, and since all I had in reach was rice pudding, I ate 2 tins of that before falling asleep. It was pancake day a while back, and, while I haven’t mentioned this, I’ve been texting Steve for few weeks now. Well, it was when I was sick, I got all melodramatic and thought I was going to die and he was helpful, but anyway . . . He text me in the morning, reminding me it was pancake day and asking how many I thought I was going to eat. I hadn’t given it any thought and I woke up about 12 so it was late by the time I got the message. My aunt asked what I wanted for breakfast and she said pancakes would be fine. I asked if she could do double the batter because I was feeling really hungry and she sighed and agreed. She’s so awesome, I know. I counted 19 pancakes in the first batch and I went through loads of sugar, lemon juice and maple syrup with them. When I was finished she took my plate and I asked for more she was like ‘how are you not full?’ and I just shrugged and said I loved them so much, I just wanted a few more. She made another 9 and I just wolfed them down too, but by the end I’d had so much sugar that I was getting a headache and feeling a bit funny so I stopped. I’d gone through an entire bottle of syrup too, which was probably a bad sign. So I was able to tell Steve 28 pancakes and he just laughed. Today was a pretty standard day. I was up early at about 9 because of the cold and called my aunt to put the heater on. I’d wet myself in the night too but I didn’t have the energy to roll over so I told her to leave it until the evening. Unfortunately that meant I had to have the doors shut all day, but it didn’t bother me much because there was no-one else here. She gave me a bowl of frosties and I asked for a fry up, so she made me 4 sausages, 4 rashers of bacon, 2 scrambled eggs, 4 pieces of fried bread and baked beans, then after that I had 2 buttered croissants, 2 pan au chocolate and 12 slices of white toast with butter and jam. For lunch at 12ish I had 2 oven pizzas, a tray of oven chips with mayo and a side salad followed by a tescos own chocolate trifle and 4 cream cakes. I munched through loads of crisps and chocolate bars for a while until it was time for dinner at about 5 when I had a 4 enchiladas and 4 tacos with loads of cheese and chilli. That gave me quite a bellyache so I had lots of ice cream afterwards, going through two tubs of ben and jerrys. Since then I’ve been snacking on cookies and donuts nonstop. My belly still aches a little but it’s getting better. It’s very noisy, I can hear it over the TV gurgling away. I suppose it would help if I let it rest for an hour or so but as long as I can reach the food I just can’t help myself from eating it. My throat just feels weird if I’m not swallowing. I’ll be going to sleep soon. It smells pretty bad in here and I’ve been going to the toilet all day, so my pads are soaked and there’s shit everywhere, I need my aunt to come change me. After she’s done that I’m probably going to have as many tins of rice pudding as I can before I get too full, then try to sleep. It’s probably to do with the relentless, but I’ve had trouble sleeping lately, so despite my efforts, I’ll likely be up until the early hours, and that will inevitably mean snackage, so I’ll probably power through some crisps, sweets and chocolate before the morning. Anyway, I’m gonna go :P night all! loves loves loves! Ali xXx-xXx-xXx