Updateyness

I weigh 23 stone 8 pounds (330 pounds). 2 stone more than I did last time I made a post and at the very limit of what my Wii Fit is supposed to support :(

My mum is horrified to be perfectly honest, not that she knows how much I weigh, but just that after a year of hard work (and beleive me it was fucking hard) I've not only gone back to my old ways but completley lost my slimmer body and what little fitness I had. I drive everywhere now, even the short walk to the corner shop and, ashamedly, about 30 metres to a post box down the road, although I did then decide to go on to KFC.

Before Christmas I could easily walk around town with Sarah and Amiee, but now I'm carrying so much weight that my legs ache and feel weak, I can't breathe properly and I have to stop every now and then or I get dizzy. I've taken to going into the shops I don't even like just to get a rest, which annoys Sarah whenever she's shopping with me.

At work my boss has clearly noticed how sweaty I get, she even brought me a fan :P It's just soooo hot being upstairs, even thought there's only 1 window the heat just builds up. I get breathless with the short flight of stairs and just sit at my desk sweating. I've brought a lot more clothes for work, not only because of the weight I've gained because I sweat so much I need to wash them more often. Come to think of it my whole wardrobe's changed and I'm only wearing stretchy trousers until my waistline levels out and I stop gaining.

On that note, I've given up trying to loose or even stop myself getting fatter. I was eating around 20,000 calories a day some days and I figured I've just gotta stop eating, but I just don't care. If I go more than a few minutes without food these days I just feel ill :( It's a total addiction, I'm helpless, I give up :P lol. That's easy to say but come next post I'll probably be all, like, "I have to loose 10 stone!". I'm eating a lot at the moment. So far this morning it's been 8 peices of toast, 2 bowls of sugar puffs, 2 choc chip muffins, 1 bluberry muffin, 2 danish swirls, a brownie, 2 twix, a party sized bag of doritos and about half a 2l bottle of Dr Pepper. That's just in the last 3 hours. Right now I'm thinking what to have next as a snack. He's making lunch, he said he'd make me a pizza though I know that's going to take an age and I also know there's no chance of him making enough. 2 15" pizzas is nothing but a snack to me now. I have a cheesecake but I'm saving that. I may just eat it now and get another one later :P lol.

Harry's still asleep, he stayed the night with me again. I haven't slept well recently. If I lay on my back then I feel like someone's sitting on my chest, and if I lay on my front all my fat is pushed into my guts and ribcage and it's too uncomfortable. I lay on my side but then find it hard to move much as my belly spills out onto the bed as if to balance me. When Harry's in bed with me it's even worse. We both snore loudly and he's put on loads of weight since he's been with me too, so my kingsize bed isn't really that big anymore :( I think his waist must be pushing 50 inches, his 44" jeans are sooo tight on him. It's terribly sexy though ;)

I think my compulsive eating is taking it's toll on our relationship to be honest. I never want sex when he does anymore. Usually because I'm always stuffed when we go to bed. I can't sleep without a heavy, full feeling in my stomach, I just have to eat. Snacks won't do, it has to be something heavy and solid, so I don't want to move around much. The missionary position is getting hard too because our bellies are both getting so big. It's not impossible, he just slips out all the time. It's not like he's small down there either. We hadn't had sex, apart from last night, for about a week I think. Plus as the pounds pile on I worry he's not going to find me attractive, but I know he does love me and loves my curves. It's just as I loose the curves and become a blob, I don't know what he's going to think :(

I've been invited camping with my cousin and some of her friends :D I'm trying to get Sarah and Amiee to come. I haven't seen my cousin in sooo long but she's down in the area and wants to go camping somewhere along the coast. I haven't been camping in god knows how long and I don't think I've seen her for about 2 years. I don't want Harry to come because it's just gonna make us argue (putting up the tent and all that) and we just want it to be all girlies :P lol. I'm going to have to really fill up my car with food beacuse I don't wanna go cold turkey if I can't get to a shop :S I'm sure I'm not too fat for my old tent :P lol. It's been in the attic at home since I was a kid but I'm sure it's alright.

I've gotta go now, I'm going to keep you updated when I get back from my hol :D I'm badly needing some girlie time lol :P Tonight I want to go to a buffet, I could eat like a pig, I'm soooo hungry! Expect me to hit 30 stone by next summer, probably even xmas ;P haha! *gives belly a big pat

Love to all of you, sorry I only post a few times a year, I know, I suck! Email me and comment and maybe I'll do it more often lol :P

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