Tuesday, February 28, 2006

My Burgers (And my Ranting)

Oh and I was going to have Pizza last night but I figured I'd never sneak 1 into the house so I brought 4 rustlers microwave cheeseburgers from the spar shop and did them in my room. I didn't mention, I have a microwave and a mini fridge in my room. The fridge is just full of chocolate and at the moment 2 smirnoff ice drinks lol! I ate all 4 burgers, it was actually pretty filling, I really enjoyed it. I'm going to do that more often, I didn't think just 4 would fill me that well!!!!

I've been enjoying your e-mails, thank you!! Some of them made me think. I really don't want to be fat and I really don't want to be dragging my belly along the ground when I'm 30 years old (or 20 at this fucking rate!!)! I just don't want to stop eating. If I was slim I'd make sure I got enough excercise to be able to eat what I want, but I can't do anything! I can't even run anymore, I tried, I just waddle faster for 10 seconds and then start to feel light headed and sick and I have to stop and rest for like 5 minutes. I might be the least fit person in Plymouth! Even my mum can do the housework and she's got another 6 stone on me. My stomach is also different to most people's, I can eat way more than all my freinds in one go and I get hungry whenever I'm not eating. Some of my freinds forget to eat all day and they don't realise it until the next morning, but if I go an hour without food I'd punch a nun just to get a fucking chip! And thinking of nuns, my love life's seen about as much action as a nun's honeymoon! It's not like I have high standards, I'll do anything to anything! But all the guys I meet (apart from all you guys I chat to) are total ass holes! The last time someone tried to get into my knickers I slapped them because I was only 14. And I was only about 12 or 13 stone so it was much easier for them to find my fucking knickers! I wish I'd just let him get on with it now!!!!!! I don't have any intention of dieting or excersising though so it looks like I'm just going to keep getting fatter and fatter.....

Anyway, that's enough ranting. I write this blog because you enjoy it, but I personally don't enjoy being a big fat grease ball who's going to wake up one morning and find she can't get out of bed!

Chat

Hiya,

I had this really good chat on Saturday night and I asked Gavin and he said it was ok to post it, because I wanted to share it with you all! I had a great time chatting to you all that night, I expected more to show up but those of you that did kept me entertained. I'll be online again next Saturday at the same time. Hope you enjoy this!!!

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Gavin Windley: hi

zitsandsprinkles: hiya, i just got in, i'm a little drunkl ol

Gavin Windley: gdgd

zitsandsprinkles: whatchadoin?

Gavin Windley: talking to you and watching friends

Gavin Windley: you?

zitsandsprinkles: chatting, i have, er 6 ppl, less than i expected lol

Gavin Windley: yer but im obviously the most important out of them

zitsandsprinkles: if you say so lol

Gavin Windley: woooooo

Gavin Windley: soooo?

zitsandsprinkles: sooooo?

Gavin Windley: how old are you

zitsandsprinkles: im 18 in a few weeks, you read my blog dont u?

Gavin Windley: blog?

zitsandsprinkles: look at my profile and theres a link in it, is made it so i didnt have to tell all you guys the same things lol

Gavin Windley: sorry

Gavin Windley: u got any pics?

zitsandsprinkles: i'm not doing pics until i reali trust ppl, and thats gonna take a long time at this rate lol. i dont want them appearing in yahoo groups, nothing personal. soon maybe but not tonite. i dnt have any that arent of my face anyway and i'm not showing that, its all spotty! i've said all this b4, not now k?

Gavin Windley: its ok im sorry

Gavin Windley: and so wat spots are normal

zitsandsprinkles: yeah i know, i wasnt having a go, soz.

zitsandsprinkles: thanks

Gavin Windley: its ok i know

Gavin Windley: ok how can i get you to trust me

Gavin Windley: dnt care how long dnt care wat i have to do thats how hard i wanna be ur friend

zitsandsprinkles: well we'll just have to keep chatting 4 a while longer, you'll have to do the same as everyone else lol!

Gavin Windley: ok kool

Gavin Windley: so what do ya wanna talk about then

zitsandsprinkles: well thats up to you, i have a convo on everythin but the weather so ur choice

zitsandsprinkles: not the weather tho

Gavin Windley: ok erm you

Gavin Windley: lets talk about you

zitsandsprinkles: well thats a popular topic, u ask the kwestions

Gavin Windley: ok

Gavin Windley: u involved with anyone?

zitsandsprinkles: nah, too many ass holes not enough feeders lol

Gavin Windley: ooo i am

Gavin Windley: not an ass hole a feeder

zitsandsprinkles: i know what you meant lol. so what would you do with me if i was sitting on your couch with an empty belly?

Gavin Windley: well dat wouldnt do

Gavin Windley: id ask you wat ya weanted to eat and go get tripple the amount

zitsandsprinkles: lol, thatd be nice. what if i got too full, what would you do?

Gavin Windley: keep feeding ya

Gavin Windley: until u have to stop

Gavin Windley: but itd be up to you

zitsandsprinkles: aww that'd be no good lol. you'd just have to force me to eat, regardless of my limits lol

Gavin Windley: yeh i know i only sed dat just incase it was a bad thing ofcourse id force it

zitsandsprinkles: excellent, thats what i like to hear. i want to be forced to eat until i pass out!

Gavin Windley: hell yeh wouldnt stop

Gavin Windley: and look at ya before and after stuffings

zitsandsprinkles: i'd be much bigger trust me. i want to eat a whole 15" cake one day. i managed 8 slices of one my last birthday hehe

Gavin Windley: ill make you eat a 18" one

zitsandsprinkles: all of it? that'd make my stomach so, so full! i don't know if i could handle that???

Gavin Windley: i dont care ill make you

zitsandsprinkles: what if i was sick? what would you do?

Gavin Windley: i dunno the balls in your court then

zitsandsprinkles: i think you should keep forcing me, no matter what i say or what i do, you need to keep making me eat!

Gavin Windley: ok

Gavin Windley: will do

Gavin Windley: omg id love to do that sooo much

zitsandsprinkles: you'd make me sooooo fat. i'd end up too big to get out of bed. if i couldnt get up, how would you make sure i was looked after and that i cud still eat non stop???

Gavin Windley: id make a machine

Gavin Windley: and id make it in the room you were in so i could feed you at the time

zitsandsprinkles: what about all my folds and bed sores? would you want to clean all those while i was being fed. and if i'm eating non stop what else would i be doing non stop hmm? what would you do about that? what would the machine be feeding me?

Gavin Windley: itd feed you anything u want id aid to your folds and sores and i dont mind cleaning you up

zitsandsprinkles: aww thats so nice. how would it feed me a pizza? i'm such a greedy pig for pizza

Gavin Windley: well then if pizzas your faveorite id do it myself

zitsandsprinkles: could it make me eat blamounge? id love to eat gallons of that!

Gavin Windley: yeh sure

Gavin Windley: id do anything for you

zitsandsprinkles: what if i was going to die from being so fat and i had like a day to live. i'd want to see the beach, how would you get me there if i was like 100 stone??? and what would i eat on the way?

Gavin Windley: well if it was ur dieing wish id do anything id carry you if i had to. id probably get a big car or a van

Gavin Windley: and sice we goin to the beach itd be stuff like fish n chips

zitsandsprinkles: ooh nice. and ice cream? if i had to die id like it to be from my stomach exploding so how would you manage that?

Gavin Windley: stuff u untill u were full and then pippes that go into your mouth and heavy cream is kept pouring in

Gavin Windley: adn ofcourse ice cream

zitsandsprinkles: that'd be sooo cool

Gavin Windley: yeh it would

zitsandsprinkles: i'm gonna be that fat one day, its inevitable. when i am, you can come feed me cake and pizza hehe

Gavin Windley: ill be feeding you to get that fat

zitsandsprinkles: you could make me eat anything you wanted, i'd be urs for the night. my stomach would be at your command lol!

Gavin Windley: so i just get one night?

Gavin Windley: no more

zitsandsprinkles: depends how well you did. depends if you managed to make my belly so tight i got stretch marks in front of my own eyes haha

Gavin Windley: ok well ill succed i know

zitsandsprinkles: well don't get ahead of urslef, not til i have a place of my own when i'm a bit older. my mum wont let me out of her sight yet, shes so protective. and i'm sure u will, if you can make my belly ache that'll be good enuf

Gavin Windley: hehe i look forward to this

Gavin Windley: and wen u sed u dnt take pics of ur face does that mean u take pics ogf ya belly?

zitsandsprinkles: you gotta bring some food tho so u better be a weight lifter, i can prob eat more in one day than u can carry

Gavin Windley: or i can be rich

Gavin Windley: order it over the phone delivery

zitsandsprinkles: and either, i have a peircing on my belly so my freinds would recognise it. and my face is ugly anyway, you dont wanna see it. when i have photos on here i might show u hehe

zitsandsprinkles: yeah that's a good idea, i'd cost you about £100 a day tho hehe

Gavin Windley: i dont care about faces im not one of those guys into looks its oersonality

zitsandsprinkles: aww thats sweet, but i dont like photos of my face. its so spotty. anyway u'll have a photo soon enoug, as soon as i know u wont show it on a yahoo group lol

Gavin Windley: i wont im seriously not like that

Gavin Windley: i dont wanna lose you

zitsandsprinkles: thats all i'm reali worried about, is that they'll be public property once i give them to someone, u know. specially if u use like win mx or something cuz i've had ppl download pictures with the title fat in them when on there lol. and thats sweet, i think i'll trust u lol

Gavin Windley:

Gavin Windley: thanks hun

zitsandsprinkles: so, i need some food. i've gone over an hour without eating now something must be done!!! what do you want me to eat?

Gavin Windley: the fattiest food you can find

zitsandsprinkles: i have a brownie, that'll do. its 450 calories and i've already had about 10,000 today lol. i spent more than normal but no more than 2000 i dont think hehe

Gavin Windley: kl

Gavin Windley: i gotta go in a sec

Gavin Windley: quite tired

zitsandsprinkles: thats ok me too, just waiting 4 evrione else to as well lol

zitsandsprinkles: have a good night, great talking to you.

Gavin Windley: im notgoin yet

Gavin Windley: 5 mins

zitsandsprinkles: it was pretty sexy, want me to post if on my blog or u wanna keep it between us?

zitsandsprinkles: ur choice

Gavin Windley: post wat on ur blog? talking to me

zitsandsprinkles: yeah it's the best chat i've had all night!!

zitsandsprinkles: i got wet thinking about what you woud do to me

Gavin Windley: wow sure id be honoured to be on there

Gavin Windley: really wow

zitsandsprinkles: even with your name? i can change it on word if you want?

Gavin Windley: yeh u can use my name

zitsandsprinkles: aww thats so sweet. thanks, i'm going to post it, this was a great chat i really enjoyed it. you make me want to be a feedee.

zitsandsprinkles:

Gavin Windley: hehehe

Gavin Windley:

Gavin Windley: i enjoyed it too

Gavin Windley: and u aint ugly im sure your gorjus

zitsandsprinkles: aww thank you!!!

zitsandsprinkles: anyway, i dont know about u, but quater to 3 in the morning is a little late for me, i'm going to have to get some sleep lol

Gavin Windley: yeh same

zitsandsprinkles: great talking, i'll save this and post it tomoz. nighty night!!!

Gavin Windley: and jus quickly

Gavin Windley: so that if u feel im gna put ur phot on yahoo

Gavin Windley: my fone no. is (deleted, soz)

zitsandsprinkles: ok thanks, but i'm not going to ring you. it makes me feel pretty safe about giving you a picture tho. bubi, see ya later

Gavin Windley: y wont u ring me

zitsandsprinkles: i'm just not like that. i like text and i don't like sharing my phone number. soz, reali. are you ok? can i still post this??

Gavin Windley: well if u rang me put private no. on

Gavin Windley: and yeh u can

zitsandsprinkles: ok, well i'll think about it lol. i wont post ur number tho hehe. bubi 4 now

Gavin Windley: gd

Gavin Windley: c ya smexy xxxxxx

zitsandsprinkles: smexy? well i'll assumer u meant sexy lol. night

Gavin Windley: yeh but its jjus my word for it

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That's it, if I have another great chat I'll put that up I guess lol.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Getting Away With It

My Mum seems to have calmed down on the whole idea now, yesterday I caught her eating half a sponge cake and when I took the other half she didn't say anything. Plus she thinks I'm too unfit for excersise so she decided we shouldn't bother until we've dieted a little.

I'm well over 250 pounds now, as I mentioned, and it's actually more difficult to do things than it was last year. It can take 5 minutes longer to go to the toilet if you factor in sitting down, getting up and trying to get my jeans done up again. In fact with the amount I eat I spend half the day on the bog these days.

I'm sooooo hungry! There's hardly any food in the house, everything needs cooking and I can't do that or my mum will have a go! I'm waiting until tonight then I'm getting a pizza AND a burger AND a chicken wrap AND some fries AND I'm going to eat 2 cadbury's muffins AND 2 brownies!!!! I'm just so FUCKING hungry!!! All I can think about right now is stuffing my face and all I've got is one polo and that's covered in fluff! I've gone almost 3 hours without eating so far today, that happens like once a month and it's usually because I'm out getting drunk lol!

My mum still thinks its ok to have soft drinks so I've had 2 2 litre bottles of diet coke to hold back the hunger today so at least that's something lol! There's another 2 downstairs, I think I'm gonna drink one in one go to stretch out my belly and then save one for tonight.

I just drank it all, it only took me 3 minutes!!!! I'm soooo fulllllllllllll! Feels like I'm gonna pop hehe! I can't wait for tonight, I'm gonna be stuffed!!!

Bubi for now.....

Saturday, February 25, 2006

My Mum's Gone Nuts!

Oh my god! Today was so horrible! My mum was such a bitch!

I started off today like normal, I did get up a bit late at 10 but it’s a Saturday after all. I was starving hungry so I started making my eggybreads, I had 4 and then I started making pancakes. I sat down with a pile of about 15 pancakes and when I finished I was really, really, REALLY full so I sat and watched TV for a while. My mum got up at about quarter to 11 and went in the kitchen to wash up, then she came in and started having a go at me because I’d just used nearly half a litre of cooking fat on one breakfast. She said I was just too fat and too lazy and ordered me to go and get ready to go out. I was too full to move so I said no, I said I just wanted to let my breakfast go down and she got really pissed off and shouted at me to go get ready. I heaved myself up from the sofa and took a shower, but I felt really sick all the time because I’m used to resting after a large breakfast, not having a shower straight away!!

I couldn’t find many clean clothes that fit me again and mum came in and told me to put my tracksuit on and get my swimming stuff ready. I was totally shocked, I haven’t swam since about 3 summers ago and that was only in the sea for a few seconds, and she wanted to make me go swimming. I figured I’d put my swimming costume on first and put my tracksuit over it, but it was just far too tight, I couldn’t even get my thighs through the gaps without cutting off the circulation.

I complained to mum that it wouldn’t fit and she went crazy again and said we were driving to the shops to get one that fit. I had to try some on and my mum just gave me evil looks all day, and I had to settle on one that was just marked ‘child’s XXL’. I felt so embarrassed going up to the counter and buying an XXL. And I still felt stuffed and bloated.

Mum took me to the leisure centre. On the way she explained that she was sorry she snapped but all my life I’ve been lazy and greedy and she couldn’t let me carry on. She didn’t want me to end up like she is when she can hardly do anything and it’s a chore to just walk up some stairs. She said we were both going on a diet, she hadn’t decided which one but any one is bad news for me. She said she was going to take me swimming every Saturday and when she was slim enough she’d go too. And she said when I’m fit enough I’d have to go for runs!!! I seriously couldn’t believe what she was saying, my heart was pumping hard and I felt like I was going to vomit!

We got there and she paid for my ticket and went up to the spectators seats. I got changed and just sat in the changing rooms and started to cry, she was being so mean! I haven’t even run for about 2 years, the furthest I’ve walked is to the bus station and that’s under a mile. I even got a bus to go from the high street to the bus station last week and that’s a 2 minute walk. I seriously can’t just start swimming again after about 5 years of non stop gluttony!!!!

She rang my phone after about 10 minutes and heard me crying. She said she was sorry and I didn’t have to swim if I didn’t want to, but I had to start loosing weight. I said I would swim for a few minutes and went into the pool. It’s really busy on Saturdays and there was loads of people, these kids stared at me. I got in and did two laps but I felt exhausted and my stomach started to hurt, like it was cramping or something so I got out and got changed. On the way out mum made me stand on a check you weight machine and it told me I was 253 pounds, so mum realised I’ve gained 28 pounds since before Christmas. That is with my clothes on but I don’t wear 28 pounds of clothes do I? That’s actually 2 stone now I think of it! I’m no over 18 stone, that’s more than I hoped to get to by my birthday!!!!!!!!

I was totally traumatised, my mum’s actually thinking of throwing out some of the food we have in the house right now and get out the old Mr Motivator exercise video she has behind the TV!!!!

I have lots of food in my room and I’ve been binging on muffins and donuts all afternoon, my stomach started hurting hours ago but I haven’t stopped eating, even though it’s got to the point where I want to be sick! I don’t know what to do, she’s right that I’m too fat now and I honestly don’t want to be like her but I can’t seriously go without food for more than an hour and I can’t exercise, I was shaking and I’m aching all over now after just 5 minutes of swimming, imagine what a mile run would do to me???!!!

I need to think of a way to change her mind, but I can’t think of anything. Hopefully she’ll realise she’s too greedy to diet either and we might both be able to get away with it. I’ve nearly eaten all my stash now, there’s only a brownie and a twirl bar left now. I feel so sick from all the chocolate but I don’t think I’m going to stop until there’s nothing left.

Sorry to keep doing such long blogs but I couldn’t not mention this, it was so mean. I really hope she changes her mind.

Friday, February 24, 2006

E-Mail

I was E-mailing someone earlier, I wasn't going to post again for a while, but I figured I'd written it anyway so I figured I'd post it. This is what I copied and paste...

>
today consisted of feeling stuffed all day long. i had 2 bowls of cereal, three eggybreads, 3 ham and salad sandwiches and 2 peanut butter and chocolate spread sandwiches, 2 bowls of tuna pasta bake, 2 cupa soups with 6 slices of bread, a muffin, 2 brownies, a mars bar, 3 packs of wheat crunchies, a packet of chocolate chip cookies, 2 helpings of chicken curry and boiled rice with 4 nann breads, a bowl of ice cream (6 scoops) and a slice of chocolate cake.

actually now i've gone to the bother of writing that i might as well post it anyway. i ate soooo much today, i know i'm a pig but that's more than i usually eat. thats more than some people eat in a week lol!!!!!!
>

I feel so greedy when I list what I eat.

I'd also like to mention that if you want to chat to me it's much easier for me to go by e-mails. I can reply to them in order and I can see who i've replied to. Also, please try and make them interesting, you're all being really nice but you haven't all given me much to reply to, so I can't reply really. I do appreciate your e-mails but I'd love it if you could spice them up a bit lol!!

Bubi for now....

Thursday, February 23, 2006

My Diary

Hiya,

I brought my laptop with me so I thought I’d make a diary and then post it to my blog afterwards.

Sunday 19th

I had to get up early today to be ready for my train so my mum woke me at half 8 and she’d already prepared a full English breakfast for me. Mmmm, it was so so nice. I had 2 sausages, 2 fried bread, about a tin of beans, a fried egg and 4 rashes of bacon. I had it in bed and then sneaked into the kitchen while mum was eating hers and got a bowl of cereal and 4 slices of toast with butter and marmalade. I ate those really quickly because I didn’t want mum to see how greedy I was being and then I had my shower.

My mum is around about 24 stone, so she has a stool in the bath for when she takes a shower, and I take full advantage of it. Lol. I get so tired after a few minutes standing up in there it’s nice to sit down. I can’t reach my back and it’s a real pain to reach anything else so I use her sponge on a stick. It makes it all so much easier. And I usually have my shower after breakfast so I’m usually really bloated and full so this is so much better.

After my shower (took me about half an hour lol) I finished packing my suitcase, I have one of those wheelie ones, and got dressed. I couldn’t pick anything, all the nice warm clothes I have are too small now. I can’t get the top button done up and some of my tops ride up and show off my belly. I eventually settled on my sweatpants, a pair of tracksuit bottoms to go over them, a t-shirt and a jumper and my fleece coat. My bottoms and coat were really tight. It was a little uncomfortable but a hell of a turn on lol.

We left early because it’s my gran’s birthday and we went to see her in Exeter first for an hour and then I got my train from Exeter St. Davids. I got on and found my seat, this kind man helped me put my bag on the shelf but he stood by a little impatiently as I took my seat by the window. I was at one of those tables and I could barely fit in with my big belly. It was so tight my belly poured out over the table top. None of the other passengers said anything but I knew what they were thinking. They were thinking I’m a fat greedy pig lol. And that’s ok because I am.

I was disappointed by the first announcement, it wasn’t a delay, it was just that the effing buffet car wasn’t serving!! I was looking forward to that. Luckily I’m one of those people who thinks ahead and I had two sandwiches, a strawberry milkshake and a multi-pack of mars bars in my bag. I had a sandwich and 2 mars bars and by the time we were in Somerset the buffet car was running again. Yay! The guy next to me was annoyed again as I got up and waddled down the isle. Only because I took so long to wedge myself out of the gap. I can’t believe how tight they make them, I mean there are bigger people than me out there lol!

They had these delicious looking muffins, so I got 2, and I got a Cornish pasty, a packet of hula hoops, a bottle of Dr Pepper and a flapjack. I went back to my seat and annoyed the guy again. He didn’t say anything, he was trying to be polite, but I could tell. Still, I didn’t bother him again I just sat there and munched on my snacks for the next 3 hours lol.

I got off the train at Reading because my friend Jess (well, her mum) was picking me up and taking me the rest of the way. I had to walk soooo far, it really pissed me off. I had to do three flights of stairs (one up, one down and one up again) and then get to the underground car park outside. I’d finished my mars bars and I though about getting more in the newsagents at the entrance but let me tell you, 6 mars bars can put you off chocolate for a while. My stomach was churning from all the caramel and nougat so I managed to walk past. Jess picked me up and we drove to Aylesbury, that’s where I’m staying for a few days with her.

I haven’t seen her since before Halloween and she noticed I look much bigger. She said it’s easier to notice from a distance but I didn’t look bad. She wasn’t trying to make me feel bad, and it actually made me feel sexy lol, but she kept apologising trying to say I’m not fat, which is ridiculous! I’m massive and I’ll eat anyone who says different lol!

We had dinner, her mum made shepherd’s pie and peas and I had three yummy helpings. I wish she’d told me she was making dessert because I didn’t leave any room, I stuffed my belly so full that when her mum said she’d made trifle I almost died! Jess’ mum makes the best trifle in the world, she even makes the custard and the jelly. She didn’t make a massive one which was a godsend or I might have eaten until I exploded lol. I did manage a big bowlful though and after an hour watching Shaun of the Dead I had another big helping.

Then we went down the video shop and rented out Boy Eats Girl. I’m sick of zombie comedies now, they weren’t bad but they just got boring. If it had been Girl Eats Everything it might have appealed to me lol! Jess wasn’t hungry but I really wanted some pizza so I got a small 9” pizza with the works on it to eat while we watched the film. I also got an absolutely HUGE party bag of popcorn which I had to eat almost on my own because Jess is on a diet. Poor girl. She hardly eats anything, I must eat more than she does all day in one go! And we finished off the night with some Neapolitan ice cream (is that the one, with the three flavours or have I spelled it wrong, I’m using word to write this and that’s the spell checker). Again I had to finish most of it myself.

I’m sleeping in a sleeping bag tonight, can you believe it? It’s tight too!!! I still have room but I can hardly turn over in it or spread my thighs! I’m writing this as sneakily as I can so Jess doesn’t see what I’m up to, it’d be hard to explain after all.

Anyway, I have big plans for tomorrow. My poor tummy’s in for a real workout! Lol.

Monday 20th

Today started off ok but I overdid it. I was really stupid.

We all got up at 9 but I was tired, I didn’t get a lot of sleep because all that ice cream kept me up for a while, I couldn’t lay down how I usually like too because it was mostly liquid in my stomach and I was worried I might be sick if I laid on it. So I just went down for some breakfast and then went back to bed. I had 2 bowls of crunchy nut corn flakes but Jess doesn’t have very big bowls like I’m used to so I went back upstairs still a little hungry. Plus they only have semi-skimmed milk which isn’t as nice as full fat. Breakfast is usually a huge meal for me but I kept it small, I’m a guest after all, I shouldn’t be eating them out of house and home. Anyway I had another hour in bed. I don’t normally dream when I’m just taking a nap but I had this weird dream that I was in a restaurant and they kept serving me these weird foods. I didn’t order them, I remember looking on the menu and there were all these things I’ve never heard of before and when I ordered they brought me something totally different. I didn’t like what they brought me either. And when it got round to dessert Jess came upstairs and tugged me out of my sleeping bag. I don’t know what dreams mean, but if I had to guess I’d say that was about disappointment, which is strange because I never expect much out of life, so I’m rarely disappointed.

She complained I was too heavy but it only made me laugh.

I am in a pretty bad mood as I write this but I was happy most of the morning.

I was starving hungry again by the time I’d had a shower and gotten dressed. That reminds me, my clothes were even tighter. I think I’ve gained another 5 pounds but it might just be the food in me so I’m not sure yet. Jess and I planned to go shopping in London, so I thought I’d hold out and get something to eat there. All the way on the train I thought about food. I just couldn’t stop thinking about what I was going to eat. I wanted to eat EVERYTHING and then more. It sounds silly, but I do have eyes bigger than my belly. I usually force myself to finish whatever I look at but I always imagine myself eating 5 pizzas or 40 muffins and I know I can’t.

We took the underground to Piccadilly Circus and went shopping from there. Jess wanted to go into loads of clothes shops but I don’t like clothes shopping. Most of the stores Jess goes into only do stuff up to size 16, and that’s just toooooo tight for me since xmas. Last time I saw her I managed to squeeze into some size 16s, albeit with several inches of flesh hanging out, but now I’m just too fucking fat!!

There was one shop full of sports clothes, JJB or something. She wanted a tracksuit for spring. I’d look well out of place in a tracksuit, I mean I don’t do ANY exercise whatsoever, and it shows on my more than ample frame.

There was all these skinny girls in there and I heard one make a comment about my spots. I can stand the weight thing because it is my fault I’m fat. I don’t really mind being fat, I mean if someone offered me some sort of magic weight-loss thing I’d take it. I probably wouldn’t stop eating as much and I’d be huge again but you know what I mean. But spots aren’t my fault. They’re just there and they stay there no matter what I do. My doctor offered to give me pills to help get rid of them but I had to stay off greasy foods and chocolate and all sorts of things that I love for 2 months before he said he’d give me a prescription so I never took anything. It just really pisses me off when someone makes a comment about my spots because they aren’t my fault. I know greasy foods don’t help but my friend has been eating lettuce since playschool and she has spots as bad as mine.

Anyway, I wanted to say something but London isn’t the place, you’re best staying out of things. I mean I’m not being racist but she was with a gang of black girls and they were pretty bad at my school so I didn’t want to start anything with her. Me and Jess went to a tiny shop a few places down and I could hardly fit through the isles, which is surprising because they went up to a size 18. I tried on a few 18s and I got this really nice pair of jeans with a tear in the knee, a nice green tank top and a jacket. They were a bit tight and I had a belly bulge over my belt buckle but they were comfortable enough. That’s all I really wanted apart from this really nice pair of shoes, but sadly when you’re this heavy you need to think seriously about shoes. I couldn’t honestly see myself wearing them much, they were slightly high heeled and I was so wedged into them my toes were crushed. Sometimes I wish I was just 50 or 60 pounds lighter but I’m massive. Still, I do have a huge belly and Jess can’t say that.

This is when I got carried away. I was thinking about food for the last 3 hours, I don’t usually go more than an hour or two without scoffing something, so my stomach was growling and gurgling. It actually was, Jess said she could hear it. I didn’t know what to have, I fancied everything, but MacDonald’s was closest. I know I know, I need to vary my diet a little more, but I love MaccyD’s and there’s one in every town. Jess ordered a cheese burger and fries with a small coke. Me? I ordered 2 double cheeseburgers, two large fries, a chocolate milkshake, a large coke, a crunchie mcflurry, a donut, a chocolate muffin and an apple pie. I felt soooo greedy ordering so much and Jess got bored waiting for me to finish eating. I didn’t feel bad about that, I mean I had to walk around JJB and feel really awkward as thin girls looked at me, so she should make a few sacrifices for me at least.

I ate and ate. When I was done I was full, but not too stuffed. So I got up and ordered more. As I was in the queue my stomach started to feel tight but I put that down to the jeans I just brought, but as I went back to sit down with my big mac, fries and blueberry muffin my stomach felt totally stuffed and I remembered I was still wearing my old jeans and the new ones were still in the bag. Jess sighed and played with her phone and I thought about not eating it. I was too full but I’d already brought them so I dug in.

I was so stupid, I felt sick but I didn’t stop eating, I kept going. Jess moaned that we had to go soon because we had a train back so I forced down the muffin and we got up to leave, but as I got up I had this stabbing pain in my stomach and I had to sit back down. I had trouble breathing too and I just felt sick. I called to Jess and told her and she said it was my own fault for being such a pig. I don’t mind her saying that because I am, I know I am and she doesn’t mean to offend me. I waddled into the toilets and hunched over a toilet. I only had to wait a second and I puked. I puked loads, but not all of it. When I eat too much I never puke up everything I just puke up enough to keep it down.

I think I told some of you how I ate two 15” pizzas and a half pound burger with fries. Well I was drunk when I did that, and it took a lot longer than the 20 minutes I was eating in MacDonald’s. When it comes to pizzas I eat more, it’s just easier. With burgers and fries it’s a lot harder to hold them down for me. And I overdid the muffins and all that milkshake and ice cream.

Anyway that’s why I’m upset today, it put me off eating until we got back to Jess’ house and then she didn’t think it was a good idea for me to eat so she wouldn’t let me raid the fridge. I wanted to go to the chippy but she thought we should wait.

We just chilled out around the house, I got to go onto my blog and I saw your comments, thanks very much. But I didn’t get to check my e-mails, I did that on my phone, I saw one but couldn’t reply to it. I don’t want Jess to see my blog, it would be so embarrassing.

Eventually Jess let me eat and we went to the chip shop and I had a superlarge portion of chips, a large battered cod and a huge sausage. I felt a lot better after that but I stayed off chocolate for the rest of the night.

Again I’m writing this in my sleeping bag and I have a bottle of coke and I’m on my 5th bag of wheat crunchies.

I shouldn’t have eaten so much but now I look back on it, it makes me sound soooo greedy, so at least you all get some enjoyment from it.

From those of you I talk to it seems like my eating is important to you, more so than my size or my weight gain. That’s why I try to write this and describe my eating as well as I can, because eating’s what I’m best at, lol.

I love your comments and I want your encouragement and suggestions. So leave comments and give me suggestions, like what you think I should eat, that sort of thing.

I’ll be online again soon after I post this, don’t worry, I’ll talk to you. I was just so overwhelmed by all the messages. But I figured I’ll just go through the windows in the order they pop up in my taskbar and try and talk to all of you if you message me.

Tomorrow I’ll be more sensible, I’ll try and control myself lol.

Tuesday 21st

The day isn’t over yet but I’m still bored so I thought I’d do this. Today was another long boring slog but hey, I ate plenty of fattening food, and that’s what you want to hear, lol.

We got to bed late last night so no one woke me up, and I didn’t get up until nearly midday. I felt so lazy going downstairs at almost 12 and still not being dressed. Jess’ mum had saved me breakfast, she made sausage sandwiches this morning and had put one aside for me. After over 12 hours without eating I was STARVING!!! So I ate it in about 4 bites lol. She was making lunch anyway and Jess was out seeing her cousin, she said she’d meet me in the park if I wanted to come but it’s been freezing the last few days and today’s been no exception so I didn’t feel like it. Plus it’s a long walk, for me at least.

I took a shower but they don’t have a seat and I really hate having to stand up. My arms get tired reaching up to wash my hair too, I even got out of breath this morning and I hate being short of breath. It’s one of the reasons I don’t like walking because it makes me pant and that makes my throat hurt, even more when it’s cold like this.

I just wanted to sit down and eat until I burst so I only put on stretch pants and a t-shirt. In case you want to know I put on a bra too but it was a little tight and uncomfortable. And if you want to know I wear an E cup. I bulge out of most of my bras and I’ve been measured before as 34D but that was a good 50 pounds ago lol. I’m not sure what size I am exactly because I don’t want to be measured, it’s so embarrassing.

She’d cooked pasta shells and meatballs in tomato sauce. I just sat down and gorged on almost 3 bowlfuls and 4 slices of buttered bread. I couldn’t finish the last one because I was just tooo full and I didn’t want a repeat of yesterday. My belly didn’t ache today which was great, I was just nicely full. I often eat too much and don’t stop until my belly hurts. It’s a curse, I have to wait ages before I can do anything but I was fine today and I could have gone walked around the park, but I didn’t, I’m too lazy lol.

I rang Jess and met her in town at about 3 I think, and since Jess missed lunch she wanted to get something to eat, she rang her mum and she said it was ok. I didn’t feel like MacDonald’s AGAIN so we headed for this cafĂ© in the shopping centre. I had a coffee with like, tons of cream on the top and a chocolate croissant. I didn’t feel as hungry as I usually do so I passed up on going the full monty and ordering a meal but I did succumb to my immense gluttony when we passed the sweet shop in the lower floor. I made a pick and mix bag and she put it on the scales and it came to over 2 pounds!! That’s weight not cost. And I’ve eaten it all and it’s only about half 4. I’ve got a sugar rush but I’ve got nothing to do so I’m just kind of sitting here.

I still can’t go on the internet; Jess’ll see where I’ve been. I wish I could log onto yahoo but it’d take ages to go through all you guy’s who’ve added me so I couldn’t minimise the window for those 30 seconds (her computer is slow) and she might see something I don’t want her to see.

I’ll finish today’s blog in the next paragraph. You guys are lucky I don’t have a job or anything or I’d be too busy to do what is currently 6 pages. And I’m not even half way through my holiday yet lol!!!

We didn’t do anything again tonight but I insisted on pizza so we got a delivery. I had the 15” meat feast with a litre tub of strawberry ice cream. Jess only shared a 9” with her mother and didn’t eat any ice cream at all! I just laid on the sofa eating for ages lol. I had all the ice cream and all the pizza to myself. I was kind of full when I finished and I gave myself a quick tummy rub in the kitchen while no one was looking. I get really bloated and it feels sooo good to rub it. I saw all the new stretchmarks I have as well, my belly looks like it’s pregnant lol. I don’t really like stretchmarks but I know some of you boys do, so I’m kind of getting to like them.

Jess knows a lot of guys, she’s been out with half of this town and she invited some boys over. She invited this guy who’s only ever been out with big girls because she thought we might get along, but no suck luck. Ricky was nice to me but Jon, the guy she was trying to set me up with, he was just boring and he didn’t talk to me much. Jess wanted to play spin the bottle because she quite fancies Ricky and she went first. It landed on Jon, he asked for a dare and Jess dared him to kiss me. He was so rude, he turned to her and asked if he could pick a truth. I’m not that bad for fucks sake! He did actually kiss me, on the lips and even stuck his tongue in my mouth, but then he laughed that I tasted of pizza sauce and the two boys laughed. I guess I do but that was meant to be a dig at me and that’s not exactly a nice thing to do is it?!

I had it land on me and Ricky dared me to down a bottle of Becks in one go. I don’t think he knows quite what a good drinker I am and I did it all in one. I did have to stop for air a couple of times but I kept the bottle tipped up and downed it pretty quickly. My stomach growled a bit from all the bubbles and that felt quite nice, but I don’t like beer so much. When I burp it makes me feel a bit sick.

Jess’ dare wasn’t fair, Jon dared her to kiss him with tongue. She did it straight away but I would have told him to fuck off. Anyway, when she finished she said he tasted of fish and we laughed. He’s not very bright, and the wittiest thing he came up with was “yeah well that’s because I licked out your mum”, and her mum was just coming down the stairs behind him. She slapped him round the back of the head and you should have seen his face, it was hilarious. He wouldn’t stop saying sorry until he left.

I got to dare Jess, so I dared her to kiss me. The boys laughed but she did, she kissed me. I’m not one for lezzing up, I don’t even kiss boys much, but she’s fucking good! They took a picture of it though so Jess spent the next few minutes trying to get Ricky’s phone. Don’t know if she did get it actually so there’s a chance there’s a picture of me kissing a girl being posted around their school mates right now.

Anyway, tonight was a bit gross I guess. But I had 2 beers and 4 bacardi breezers so I was bound to be a little weird lol. I’m still a bit pissed but it takes a lot more to get me drunk, I think because I’m such a big girl haha. I wanted so much more to eat but I raided the fridge and there were only 2 yogurts and I ate those, so I drank about a pint of milk with some butter-cookies to top me up. Now I’m munching on crisps again, there’s only walkers ones left because I ate all the good ones lol, but anything’s better than nothing.

I think Jess and Ricky are an item now but I don’t care to be honest. I wish that boy Jon wasn’t such a wanker but it’s not easy finding a nice guy when you’re 17 stone!! I know most of you reading this would give your right arm (or your left) just for a date with me but it’s not that simple. I’ll get to know you all better on yahoo soon though I guess so I never know, I might get lucky.

I’m just so hungry, there’s nothing to eat in the house, I’ve eaten all of Jess’ food and all the takeaways are shut. There’s a 24 shop nearby but Jess won’t drive me there because she’s tired and we’ve both had a lot to drink. And she thinks I’m too fat as it is, she hardly wants to feed me any more. I want a feeder, then I’d never ever be hungry. You could make me eat 24/7 if you wanted to and I wouldn’t even have to go out. I’d love it sexually but to be honest I wish I could stop eating because one day I’m going to wake up and I won’t be able to get out of bed. What am I supposed to do then? That’s got to be horrible to wake up one morning and realise you’re stuck in bed. Or that you can’t fit through your own doorways. I can’t stop though and for now I’m only small compared to how you all want me so I think I’ll just go on stuffing my fat face lol!!!

Wed 22nd

It was pretty boring today, I didn’t get up until 10 and I had a bit of a headache so I lounged around the house with Jess until after lunch. Lunch was tomato soup and then pizza bread, made with French loaves. I only had 3 because there wasn’t enough bread to go around.

Me and Jess went to her cousins house and then we went to Wycombe to have a look around the clothes shops. Again there was nothing that fit and nothing that interested me but we went to KFC and ordered a mega bucket, and I had some popcorn chicken. They didn’t eat much and I was left to finish it as usual lol.

And then we came home and just lazed in Jess’ house again. Jess’ mum didn’t make dinner because she went out but we went to the kebab shop and I had a huge doner but it was wayyy too hot, I burned my tongue!!

That’s all we did really, I didn’t pig out much.

I’m writing this on Thursday but it’s morning so nothing’s happened worth writing about yet. I had 2 eggybreads and a bowl of redybrek for breakfast and I’m just waiting for a lift to the train station to go home. I don’t have the cash for the buffet car so I might have to miss lunch!! God forbid!! Lol!

Thursday 23rd

Yep, nothing much happened lol. I had a wimpy for lunch, in all truth I had 2! I had a breakfast meal (they serve all morning) with sausages, beans, toast and mushrooms and then I had a cheese burger with fries and a banana milkshake. After that we went straight to the train station. I got on the train on time and it’s just been a long boring day just on transport since then. I only had one sandwich because I didn’t have much money for the buffet car so I got home starving hungry and now I’m just eating a brownie. Dinner is soon, we’re having chicken tika with rice and nann bread (however you spell it!).

Jess text me a lot when I was on the train, she was blaming me because she’s gained 4 pounds. She said it’s my fault because I dragged her to lots of fast food places but she only meant it jokingly, I hope. Lol. If she gained 4 pounds god only knows what I’ve gained!!! I ate much more than I usually do, I might have made it sound like I always eat that much but I really pigged out these last few days. I expect I’ve really filled out too lol!

I’m so tired I’m going to get an early night, but I figure I’ll be online Saturday, I’ll wait until midnight (ish) so all you guys across the pond can chat too, if that helps lol!!!! Hope to talk to some of you then, until then enjoy my diary!

Saturday, February 18, 2006

~WoW~

Tonight was amazing! I had such a fun time. It's my freind's birthday Sunday and since two other freind's are working we all went out for dinner tonight. There was 6 of us and we went to this really nice Chinese restraunt.

I ate 5 duck pancakes, a pancake roll and 4 satay chicken skewers for starters,
Lots of spare ribs,
1 bowl of crispy chilli beef and rice,
1 bowl of beef and black bean sauce,
1 bowl of kung po chicken,
2 bowls of singapore noodles,
And for pudding I ate two banana fritters with ice cream and since I couldn't resist, I ordered a slice of the fudge cake too.

I wore my jeans tonight (well my mum's old jeans, they were a good fit) but I got sooo full I had to undo the button and some of the zip. My belly hung right over it though so no one noticed. LoL!!!

Yeah so I practically waddled out I was so stuffed. We all had a great night and I am a tiny bit drunk but that only makes me more hungry lol! I wish I could but I honestly couldn't manage another thing so I went home after and relaxed on the sofa for the last couple of hours. I've just eaten my chocolate brownie and now my appetite is back!!! Lol! So I'm thinking of making a sandwich. And I think I will, I want ham and salad with mayonaise. I hope I have enough for 4 sandwiches. I usually have 4 but I can still feel some of the Chinese in there so it's going to be hard to eat 4. I'll do it though, I can eat loads! Lol.

It's my hope that someday I can eat all day without stopping to wait for more room. I'm almost that good now, but I have lots more eating to do. Better get on with it.

Bubi..........

Hi Everyone

Hello.

I'm Alison but eveyone calls me Ali. I'm a bit of a feedee, I'm 240 pounds and over xmas I gained 10 pounds and in the last few weeks I've gained 5 pounds, so I put up a profile on Fantasy Feeder. I got so many responses I figured I'd make this blog for you all to see.

Well my life is pretty boring at the moment. Since I left school I've done nothing but lounge around. I've gained about 3 stone since I finished school because my day is mostly sat at a computer, watching tv, down a pub or eating in a fast food place. I'm not exactly proud of being such a lazy glutton, but I am and I'm happy with it. Lol.

I think the last bit of excersise I did was in year 9 when I sprained my ankle when they forced me into gym. I guess I was about 11 stone back then, and after that they let me skip gym. I gained about a stone I think when I wasn't in gym and then they just let me do the arts and crafts and the PE theory tests and things like that. I ran for a bus a while back but I'm just too damn heavy, I couldn't make it more than 50 yards so I try not to bother.

I think I know why I'm this big. I just got carried away with my food as a kid and my parents wouldn't let me go out and play until I was 9, but by then I was already fat and lazy. So then girls gave me shit at school and I just turned to the fridge. I ate tons and now I have a huge stomach, I can eat way more than anyone I know. I don't care what they think of me now, it just doesn't mean anything to me.

So now I'm just a fat lazy pigglet. I like that term, someone I was chatting to last night told me it and I can't stop thinking about it everytime I look at my big fat tummy.

I'm 18 on March 15th, so I figured it'd be great if I could push 250 pounds by then. I have plenty of time to gain. I gain quite slowly, given how much I eat and how little excersise I do. I think I eat a good 4-5000 calories a day and only spend about 1800, so I should be immobile by now, but luckily it takes me a while.

However since I left school I've gained at about 1 and a half stone a year. Not too much I suppose, but by the time I'm 20 I'll weigh 20 stone. And then at 22 I'll weigh 23 stone. And at 24 I'll weigh 26 stone. So at 40 I could be about 50 stone! I don't want to be that fat but I can't stop eating. I don't want to stop eating, I love stuffing myself and I love chocolate and macdonalds and pizzas, but if I carry on like this I'll be in a wheelchair before I reach the menopause.

But until then I can just lay back and eat until I pop. Lol!!!

So I thought you might like to know what I do in an average day.

Well yesterday for example, I got up at 10 and my parents were already out, so I took out the frying pan and cooked up 6 eggy breads. That's where you cut a little hole in the bread and then crack an egg into it, then you flip it and fry both sides. I like mine buttered on both sides (and I love to eat the holes I cut out, they're so nice), and I fry everything in lots of oil. There's only vegetable oil in the house but it's good enough, its all fat right? So I ate those and then had a big bowl of coco-pops. We have full fat milk in my house too, which is great because it tastes so creamy with coco-pops. I could have done with some pancakes but I couldn't be bothered to make them. Some mornings I make them but I just didn't feel like it. When I do I have about 20, but after 6 eggybreads I don't know if I'd have managed a full batch.

I watched tv for an hour, we have sky+ so I watched malcom in the middle. I had a brownie, I always save one for malcom in the middle, I go to the shop and buy 6 every other day, they're the mm's ones, so I can have one with the tv, one at night and one more whenever I feel like it. The assistant told me she had to order an extra box because I brought so many. Lucky they're cheap.

For lunch I met up with my freind Sue, she goes to college until about midday and then we hang out for a few hours. We went to macdonalds, you'd think I'd be bored of it but I'm not yet. I had a big mac, large fries, a large chocolate milkshake, a large coke a donut and a crunchie mcflurry. My belly was so full my jeans were digging in even more. It was actually a little painful with the belt buckle biting into my gut. We split up so she could go and see her boyfriend and since I still had room I went over to this cafe and ordered a pasty and a muffin. Then I was pretty damn full so I decided to just stop eating, but I felt like chocolate, so I brought a flake too from the newsagents. There's always room for one chocolate bar right?

I went home and lounged around for a while and had some pasta at about 4. And when I say some, I mean 2 and a half massive bowl fulls. I was stuffed after that but managed a brownie and a mars ice cream that I had stashed in the freezer. That's when I made my profile and started getting all those e-mails. Lol.

Then me and Sue and Sarah went out for the night. We usually get served although only Sue is old enough. I always look it because the bar staff can't belive someone so young could be so obese. Lol!!! I didn't get drunk, I only had a few bacardis and a smirnoff ice, then we went to get something to eat. I was starving hungry. Drink makes me feel so hungry, I always have to eat after a few drinks. Sue and Sarah fancied going to the chip shop but I was craving a cheese burger. We went to macdonalds (again!) because they have the nicest relish. I had two cheese burgers and a large fries, but the milkshake machine was broken again so I had a coke. I couldn't carry a mcflurry so I had to leave it. Sue and Sarah only had a large fries between them. Then we ran into one of Sarah's exes as he was going into KFC so we followed him in. I ordered a popcorn chicken because I'd finished one of my burgers by the time we got to the counter and I don't like the idea of people eating without me. I know it's weird but I felt like I had to order something and that's all I really had room for. In my hands I mean, my stomach was crying out for more and more lol!!!!

We had a couple more drinks and we did end up going to the chip shop later on (I think it was almost 11) and I had a huge portion of chips and this massive sausage. I remember Sue kept making jokes about what I'd like to do with it and I said it was too small. It wasn't really, it was just too hot. And if I did that with it I'd never eat it lol!

Then we split up and I went home and that's when I logged on and all of you started to IM me. I finished up the night with some left over ommlette, a big cadbury's muffin, a flake dessert pot (don't know what to call it, it's just chocolate pudding with bits of flake on the side) and my last brownie.

I spoke to so many of you but I had to turn so many away and I feel really bad about that so that's what this is for. Now I can tell you what I've been up to.

I'm going on a bit of a holiday next week. I know I don't work or anything but Plymouth can get boring. I'm going to see some old school freinds in London and I'm going to be eating junk food 24/7. Well, 24/5 because that's how long I'm going away for. I'll only be able to do this blog in private so I may not update until then but come back in a week and I'll have put up something.

Thank you all for messaging me, you were all really sweet. Hope you enjoy my blog. Bubi......