First day

Hi all,

Well, where to start? First day of my new job was excellent!

I woke at 7, too early for me usually but I felt good. I also felt starving. The last thing I'd eaten was a chicken curry, rice and nann bread at about 10 the night before so my stomach was howling. I had 2 bowls of cereal and 4 slices of toast and marmalade, then got into the shower.

When I was at home, the shower had a seat as mum is so heavy she doesn't like standing up, but I don't have one. It wasn't a problem at first as I felt so much lighter but now I feel heavier and it tires me out. It's like a work out and I'm panting right away. I brushed my teeth while I was in there and I had to keep opening my mouth to breathe, so it took me a while to get ready as you can imagine.

I put on my new suit, it's a black knee length skirt and a white shirt with a kinda frilly collar like one of those paper doylies, which exposes down to a bit of my cleavage. I thought about getting a jacket but with summer coming up and the inevitable weight gain I decided not to bother yet. I got them both a size too big as well, just for the staying power lol ;P

I was still hungry so I grabbed my stuff and headed over to the mcdonalds drive through for my first ever drive through breakfast, and ordered 2 sausage and egg mcmuffins, 2 hash browns, a large coke, hot chocolate and a blueberry muffin. I kinda fancied donuts but I've gone off the maccy's ones, I ate 4 a few weeks ago and felt ill, so they just aren't for me atm :S

I parked in the temporary parking and stuffed myself nice and full lol. Sitting down the skirt was snug, so I popped the button and lifted my shirt. It felt so amazing to see my belly full and round, the skin tight. I rubbed it while I sucked up my coke through the straw and noticed some guys walking into the front door pointing at me so I put my cup in the drinks holder, did up my skirt and pulled my seatbelt back on. I swear it's been designed by some skinny fucker! It goes all the way around me but unless I pull it out at the right speed it jams and it can take 2 or 3 goes to get the right length. Nevermind, I'm explaining it badly anyway :P Anyway, I got going again and arrived for work almost half an hour early. The door was locked so I waited in the car for a few minutes, then my boss Mandy turned up early too and let me in.

She went through my duties again and I set about organising stuff to make it easier in the future. I was left with a spare draw so I decided to use my first break to go to the corner shop and fill it with chocolate bars and some quavers :P My desk is in the upstairs office, Mandy has her desk there and we both have computers (no internet on mine :( it's an old windows 2000 from her house). Her husband runs the actual contracting (eg, going out to peoples property and doing the work), and the downstairs is where she keeps the displays for the customers, with a back storage room. She's the sales person so I don't have to meet any customers.

I snacked all morning but by 1 I was just hungry so went back to the drive through for my lunch hour :P haha! This time I had 2 big mac meals, one with sprite and one with banana milkshake, then a double cheeseburger and a crunchie mcflurry to fill me up. I felt stuffed but within 20 minutes my belly felt empty again so I picked up a ham salad sandwich, sausage roll, pork pie and a pack of 2 eclairs with a smoothie to fill me up properly. Once I was back in the car I held the sandwich up to my mouth and realised that I really was still full. I'd just gotten carried away lol ;P all the same I decided to keep eating. By the time I was sliding the last of the eclairs into my mouth my stomach really ached. It's been a long time since I've had a double lunch lol. I don't think it will be long before my stomach is back up to full strength :P haha.

I drove back and as I got out of the car my thighs crushed my belly and I felt the pressure of 2 lunches sooo much that I got a little excited and had to take a moment to rub my tummy better. I thought for a moment about how big my belly could end up, looking at it filling out between my legs, but snapped out of it and headed back up to the office. I had to cradle my belly in my hands as I headed up the stairs to stop it bouncing against my thighs as I was so full it hurt for it to move lol. I can get both hands underneath it easily again now, something I couldn't do before I moved out.

I carried on as normal but Mandy told me to leave early because everything was done. She said there was a delivery coming Friday and she'd show me how to check off the items and store it all. As I headed home it occured to me that she might actually want me to 'file' and 'organise' bloody heavy lumps of stone, wood and metal, so I decided I'd better get a good healthy meal so I rang mum and asked if I could join for dinner. She'd made pork chops and mash with veg. I'm not a big fan of chops but had 3 anyway and so much mash I could barely breathe. She opened a bottle of red and we talked about my day and my dad asked if everything was ok at the flat and all the usual, then mum pointed out that I was 'porking out' again and that I should come over every evening to avoid fast food. I told her not to worry as I'm eating healthily in the evenings. When dad went to wash up she insisted I step on the scales just to make sure I wasn't putting on too much weight. No idea what she thinks 'too much' is but I declined and said I didn't want know, and that I'd keep loosing weight. She insisted that I got my gym membership back, especially now I had the new job because she thought that the constant sitting with all day opportunity to eat was going to be too tempting for me :P wonder why she thinks that. Obviously I can't tell her how I feel about weight and food but I'm loving the way she notices, like, every time I see her haha!

I left a few hours later, hungry again as I wasn't allowed any snacks (not that there are any now I don't live at home) so I went to the chippy for a massive portion of chips and 2 jumbo sausages. Then I went to the video shop and got wrong turn 2, since the first one was hilarious, along with a cookie dough ben and jerry's and a big bag of toffee popcorn.

I put the dvd on and ate the chips and sausages when I got home. After that I ate the ice cream, interspresed with handfulls of popcorn. I was too full to eat any more until the film ended when I took a readymade trifle from the fridge (serves 6, or 1 fat ass) and ate that while I watched my name is earl.

I finished it and fell asleep until around 1, when I went to the toilet. On my way over to bed I had a swig of pepsi and a handful of m&ms then felt right to sleep. Luckily I'd set an alarm so I didn't get up late. My morning was pretty much identical except I decided to take a risk and have a donut, and I didn't really like it :(

Happily I found out that I didn't have to lift anything at work, I had a couple of nice big lads to do it for me lol. It wasn't too hard to sort out but I got a little tired so for lunch I had 2 subway sandwiches, both large, one meatball and cheese and one chicken with salad. They were delicious and pretty filing, but for afters I got 10 sugar coated donuts and a strawberry milkshake from a little shop nearby. The donuts were quite small but I ended up really stuffed anyway :P lol.

Other than that the rest of the day was pretty normal, couldn't be assed to cook so went home for toad in the hole and treacle sponge :) yummy. Then behaved myself and just had chinese for supper. I had chicken chow mein, sweet and sour chicken balls and a large prawn fried rice.

I saw on the local news about some sort of place that helps local fatties loose weight. I was bigger than some of the people on there and my doctor never mentioned it. Maybe it's new. In any case I'm certainly not going to any diet groups or anything like that. It's just so pointless and it'd do my head in :P

I was out with Amiee during the week and some 20 something started chatting her up. Bored out of my mind within minutes of being ignored I logged onto messenger on my phone and no one wanted to talk to me. All I got was a sarcastic 'ooookay', so from now on if you want to chat message me because I'm getting bored of it anyway. In any case the guy brought us both drinks which made up for ignoring me, then Amiee gave him her number. Jason or something, looked a bit scrawny and chavtastic but whatever her tastes are, I'm not one to judge.

Umm, that's about it. I really am going to weigh myself soon! Honest! In fact I'm going to buy a scale from boots :) Then I can keep you all updated. Plus the thought of it is giving me a rush lol.


I'm off now, bubi for now. Hugs and xx's, Ali x x x x x x

Easter Eggs

Hi all,

Well, not all, apparently I only have 1 reader but whatever, I write this for myself anyway.

I decided to take the job, and so far I don't regret it. She just took over the business so I have to start on Thursday. I'm supposed to give 3 weeks notice but thankfully as I work on checkouts they can replace me right away so I'm just leaving right away. The only sad part was handing in my locker key, because I've never had a locker and I really liked it lol :P I'll still be seeing the friends I've made from time to time too.

I don't have to worry about uniform anymore but when I was 15 stone I could still get into some nice size 18s, so I could shop nearly anywhere, but now I'm back into some of my old fat clothes from a year ago. I'm going shopping soon. Think I'm size 20 atm.

The car mum got me is a little red Fiesta. It's quite old but it runs really well, even uphill in the cold lol. The guy she got it from wanted £350 but she complained that it hadn't moved in 6 months, the tyres were almost flat and the window on the passengers side jams half way down so he called it £300. Other than that (and we took it to the garage to do the tyres and fill it up) it's perfect.

Yesterday the easter egg sale started. I didn't have work until 5 and I'd had a big breakfast, so I went into town in the afternoon and had a double cheeseburger and a mc chicken sandwich, fries, a muffin and a banana milkshake, then went to the supermarket. I got 6 easter eggs, all my favourites. Mini eggs, cream egg, mars, snickers, flake and chocolate orange. While I was there I also wanted creamcakes, so I got a pack of 4 mixed ones, a pack of 4 eclairs, some custard donuts and some chocolate filled donuts.

I still haven't weighed myself but I think I'm getting pretty fat again. I don't have any intention of staying in a certain weight area really, I think 25 stone would be my realistic limit but the idea of being 30+ stone is a major turn on. I think that as long as I can do my job and live my life without any issues I'm just going to keep eating. I don't care what my mum thinks, she's pretty much to blame for me being fat in the first place and she never set a good example. Sarah's always liked being the 'skinny one' and no one I've ever wanted to be with has seen my weight as an issue.

Sometimes I fantasise that I'm 1000lbs and I'm stuck down to my bed. My feeder continually brings me food and makes me eat, no matter if my stomach is about to burst. I eat the best foods all day long and never have to do anything. It's a simple fantasy I guess but one that I'll hopefully always keep that way lol :P don't think I could live with it to be honest.

Its a turn on to know that having the car is going to make me fatter and fatter. No more walking, no more excersise, no more having to walk miles and get a bus to have fast food. Just get in the car, go through a drive through, park up, stuff my face, repeat. I just know I'm going to be doing that all the time. Plus my new job is a desk job (mostly), I mean, how perfect is that. No matter how much fatter I get it's not going to get in the way of me putting boxes on shelves lol :P plus I can have snacks all day long and I'll have a whole hour for lunch :)

Anyway I need to go get ready for work and have some more breakfast. Email me bitches! I get bored sometimes and like to check my email on my phone.

Bubi for now, lots of love,

Ali x x X X x x

Comments!

Btw leave some comments! I want to know if I still have a readership!

Big Breakfast

Hi all,

My shifts have been all over the place lately but I think I've managed to make enough time to eat well and go out drinking lol! I spoke with Amiee and it turns out I didn't kiss her, now I wish I had. I didn't actually say 'Did I kiss you?' I just brought up the subject of what happened when I'd left and nothing was mentioned so left it at that. Maybe another time, lol.

I had the biggest breakfast I've had in at least a year yesterday morning. I woke about 10 and couldn't be assed to get up so I ate from my stash. I had 2 muffins and a bar of snickers, then got up. As I did I felt my round belly roll onto my lap and it felt sooo nice. My belly's grown noticeably and I fucking love it! I ran my hands over it, gave it a loving pat then went to get my breakfast. I poured out a bowl of coco pops and ate those while I started some bacon and sausages in the pan. When I'd finished the bowl I poured myself the last of the frosted shreddies and finished them as my bacon was ready. I made that into a sandwich and then did the same with my sausages except I waited until I'd fried an egg and added that as well. I then took a tub of vanilla ice cream from the freezer and sat on the sofa eating that for a while as I watched the news. When I was about half way through the 2 litre tub (didn't quite eat all of it as I had a nibble of it with a hot apple strudel the night before, mmm) I decided to leave it.

But I was still pretty hungry and I badly wanted to stuff myself, so I mixed up some pancake mix. As the pan warmed up I took off my top and looked down at myself. I've been so much bigger but I just felt huge. And the thought of how much I was eating and how much fatter I was going to get was making me so excited I began to shake.

I got 11 pancakes out of my mix and had them with chocolate syrup, lemon and sugar and a bit of ben and jerrys chocolate fudge brownie lol ;P

I pushed my chair back from the table and looked down, now pretty stuffed and gassy. I belched and held my fat bulge in my hands, and fuck me did I feel fucking amazing! My stomach was stretched and filled to perfection. I couldn't walk any further than the sofa, where I fell back to sleep, but I wasn't in any pain. I was just perfectly full :P lol.

Today I’m starving myself through breakfast. Hard to believe I know, but I’m sooo hungry and I want to know if I can get through more if I’m even hungrier. Not that I actually have more food than that in the flat lol. I need to go shopping.

I woke up at 1, then regretted it because I was due at work by 2. I squeezed into my skirt and pulled up some tights, then pulled on my polo shirt, which is just toooo tight and my belly's starting to poke out underneath it. To cover up I pulled up my skirt but it was digging into my gut :S it's not comfortable that way but I've got no choice. I've asked for a new uniform, size 24 :S eek!

Strictly speaking size 22 would probably fit fine but, I need room to feel comfy and, while I'm not intentionally putting on weight, it's inevitable that I'll keep growing unless I make some drastic changes, which I know will take the fun and sexual thrill out of my life. No idea what my personnel manager is going to think with the upcoming uniform requests though :S

My skin is a bit, well, bumpy at the minute. Since I lost so much weight it’s been a little saggy, if you know what I mean. It’s annoying that I can’t get any new stretch marks (since I used to like seeing them) but the old ones, which had turned the same colour as the rest of me, are going red again and spreading wider. The skin on my belly feels tighter though :) It’s all a bit weird.

I’m kinda seeing the old 20 stone barrier as an accomplishment rather than a wall, and beyond that as a goal. I don’t know. I feel weird about it. I used to be terrified that I was getting too big to do things like walk far and be active, but now I really couldn’t care less. I have my phases and this will probably pass but the thought of being so fat and full that I can’t get up and need someone to feed me is just turning me on! I like the idea of having such a massive belly that it holds me down to my bed and I don’t have to go out to work. I’m set in my mind though that I’m just going to keep eating all I want, from what I know about metabolism I think I’ll reach whatever weight my diet supports and stop growing. No idea how big that would be, but I’m eating like I used to and I got to over 23 stone. To be fair I’m much more active that I was then, so I’m guessing 25 stone. At which point, I’ll die because my mum will murder me :P

Still no idea what I weigh, going home this weekend for Sunday lunch so I'll hop on the old home scales ;)

My mum’s friend owns a business just outside of town. I’m not going to say what because there aren’t a lot of them, and as I’ve said before I don’t want a stalker, but it’s to do with home improvements. Hope that doesn’t give it away lol :P Anyway, she needs a receptionist, phone sales person and my mum said since the pay’s good I should take it.

I did of course point out the big problem, it’s out of Plymouth and the buses are awkward to say the least, so she said she’d actually buy me a car! Just an old banger, £300 or so, but that since the job is a salary (much more than I make at the supermarket) that I could pay for running it myself. She said she’d buy the tax the first time and help with the insurance but I’d be able to cover it myself. I’m not as thrilled as I should be. Yeah, I want it, but I’m kinda enjoying my current job. I realise though that pretty much all the people I work with would kill for a job like this one to just fall into their lap and I feel like I’d only regret it so I’ve said I’ll meet with her for an interview.

But the thought of the car, the freedom, the ability to go down the shops or KFC at any time of the day or night . . . THAT’S something I really don’t think I could pass up! Plus I could go anywhere, the beach, the moors . . . ok that’s all I can think of but I haven’t been for ages and summers coming up!

I know, I know, I’m so fucking lucky! I’m a spoiled bitch! Like it or lump it!

I’d better go, I’m tooo hungry to think straight :S My tummy literally aches so I’m going for food. I got up at 7.30, its 8.30, so I’ve answered the question ‘how long can I last without breakfast’, and there you go, 1 hour!

Bubi for now, Ali x x x x x x x

My Birthday

Hi all,

It was my birthday on Saturday and to celebrate and because I got piles of cash from family and work, Sarah and I went out. I called a friend from work who agreed to come meet us.

Her name is Amiee (I think she spells it that way, but her locker says 'Amy'), she works on checkouts with me some days. We always get on well and chat lots. She's about the same size as me, maybe a bit bigger, I guess 16 to 17 stone. The thin pretty blondes who work with us avoid both of us so we got talking lol.

As for Sarah, she's gotten pretty fat in my opinion, she won't weigh herself but I reckon she's about 13 or 14 stone, maybe more.

Thought I'd better mention weights as you'd only want to know lol.

We all met up in Sarah's local and started on tequila shots. I had 2 and felt pretty smashed so moved to Corona. We drank and chatted and as I got hungrier I moved the subject on. I said, as I was birthday girl that I wanted a fat chick's night out. Which, unlike a thin chick's night out involves large amounts of fast food. Now that we were all a bit drunk and they'd been strangled by diets for days it was easy enough to pursuade them that Chinese was the place to go. I even got Amiee to give up her diet for the night. but Sarah refused. I said I was paying for everything so they should both pig out.

I tried to explain how liberating and fulfiling it is to stuff yourself full without feeling guilty but Sarah was having none of it. Amiee on the other hand ate pretty well lol.

I ended up too drunk to remember the rest of the night to be honest. I woke up on Sarah's sofa, a pizza box on the floor, her dog sniffing and licking it. Amiee had gone back home but apparently we'd stayed out drinking until about 2 and by the look of my purse I didn't stop eating either lol. I felt sick most of the sunday but had that and monday off too so it was alright.

I really like Amiee in an odd kind of way. She sorta turns me on. I saw her getting changed in the locker room and her boobs are enormous, her belly folds over in the middle where her waistline always goes. It makes me feel a little horny, especially when I see her waddling and getting out of breath on the stairs at work. I'm not a lesbian, I've had such satisfying sex with my ex that I don't think I could be. And it's too fashionable to be bi these days lol :P Maybe it's just the things that remind me of me, I don't know. Only thing is that I think I tried to kiss her lol :S But I can't remember much, just that we were talking about sex or something and I remember being in close.

If I did I hope it doesn't matter. It wouldn't be a first for me anyway lol ;P I read through my old posts and remembered back to that week I spent with Jess. I haven't seen her much but we stay in contact on facebook and msn (no you can't have them) but my yahoo is still zitsandsprinkles@yahoo.co.uk.

Thinking of previous posts I've decided to delete all the posts that I didn't write myself. The whole incident was creepy, however if you want to read them again they'll be saved as a blog on my myspace page (which I haven't made yet but will soon).

Anyway I neeeeed to eat. My tummy is growling so I'd better go feed it something. There's pasta in the fridge but I doubt that'll be enough ;P

Bubi for now, hugs and xx's

Ali x x x x x

A bit of thinking

Hi all,

First of all, I feel good about myself right now. Ok, I've outgrown my work uniform, but I'm happy. Food really does make me happy. Feeling a heavy, fattening meal weighing me down, making my tummy round and swollen, is such an amazing feeling. I'm getting wet (and hungry) just thinking about it now. I feel sexy when I see my fat belly poke over my jeans. I feel naughty just ordering my usual then like a filthy pig when I'm cramming it in my mouth and finally like a big sexy swollen bloated princess when it's all inside of me, giving me a tummy ache and making me more and more obese.

But . . .

As the scales creep back up to 20 stone I remember how I felt and why I ended up loosing a lot of it. Then I feel bad because it's discarding all the effort I put into loosing, not to mention the support my parents gave me.

My problem is that I need to decide what I am. Do I feed myself stupid or do I restrain myself and deny what truly makes me happy? Feeling full to bursting at all times.

I've thought about where it all began for me. I think I've written about why I ended up getting so fat, but I wondered why I love to feel so full. I think it goes back to when I was only just 4 or 5 years old. I remember I would get snacks a lot of the day, then we'd sit down for our meals. I'd get full very quickly and leave my veg, and mum would tell me I had to finish or I wouldn't get dessert. So I'd force it all into my tiny little belly and wait for my reward. Then as a reward for finishing that all up I'd be allowed seconds and something from the fridge. I'd be facinated by my little belly, the top so round and firm and the bottom so soft and wobbly. I'd cradle it and feel like mum, her hands on her big satisfied belly after dinner. Then when my tummy stopped aching (which mum had led me to beleive was the norm after dinner) I'd forget about it and get on with playing or whatever I did.

I think I associated food with reward at a very young age, but I also think I am how I am for a reason. It's not just like getting a fix.

Oh god I'm hungry!!! Can you tell?! I'm going for a curry! Thanks for reading my rant.

Maybe some chicken too.

Hugs, Ali x x x

oh btw

Just thought I'd mention this before I start on my bottle of Chardonnay, I was on my lunch break yesterday when mum phoned and asked how I was getting on. She said I should be careful about not getting back into my old ways, especially after loosing so much weight. I had a pork pie in my mouth at the time and a pack of two donuts on the table in front of me. And to top that off I'd broken the clip on my work skirt (I may need to ask for a new one). So I said to her that I was eating healthily, but I might have gained a few pounds. She said not to worry just to keep eating well and trying to take walks.

After she'd hung up I laughed and went down to get a pack of 4 eclairs (even though I only had 5 minutes left of my break) then stuffed them down quickly in the bathroom, just to remind myself who's boss. My belly ached and I went back down to work with a swollen tummy, which got in the way a little lol :P

Bubi for now, gonna have my wine! Ali x x x x x

Little drunk :)

Hi all (well, anyone),


I've been living on my own for a couple of weeks now and it's been amazing!!! I'm sorry I'm not updating much, I'd like to update all the time but I can't much. I'm drunk so this is gonna be short and sweet.

I am FUCKING FULL!!! YYEASS!!! My poor tummy is fucking huge! I've been pigging out for days and stuffing my face with fast food and cream cakes! (just like the good old days lol :P) I just felt like postinf right now because I've been drinking and then went to the kebab place AND the pizza place right after so my binge was worth noting. I had a 1/2 pound cheeseburger and chips, a chicken wrap, a box of popcorn chicken, garlic bread and a 12" pizza with the works!!!

I must be gaining a little weight because my clothes are very tignt right now but I've not weighted so I don't know!

sorry this is all a little random, I'm going to keep eating until I could puke tonight. You have no idea how good that feels after such a starving few months!

Love! Hugs and xx's, Ali x x X X x xXx x X X x x