302 pounds

Hi all,

For the last few weeks I've just tried to be sensible and only eat what I need. My mum brought me the Wii Fit and it's really fun, but it shows just how out of shape I am. My balance is terrible and it tells me my weight is 21 stone 8 pounds this morning. I thought I might be loosing weight but obviously not, I'm gaining even faster than usual since I started 'dieting'. Maybe my body thinks it's starving if it gets less than 20,000 calories a day :P who knows?!

I'm good at skiing and . . . um . . . that's all :S everything else I suck at and it just tells me off every time I put on weight :P lol. My bf says he hasn't noticed me getting any fatter (even though I now have NO jeans that will button and I'm sat here at my desk with my belly bulging out of my dressing gown), and I can tell that he honestly doesn't find my weight an issue for 2 main reasons.

1), right now he's microwaving me a rustlers cheeseburger and after that he's going to the shops for me to get what I've put on a shopping list that's got to be 15 inches long :P Since I sat here about an hour ago he's placed a box of jaffa cakes on the desk, a 2l Dr Pepper by my feet and made me 2 bacon, egg and sausage sandwiches.

2), when we're in bed, he holds onto my fat and carresses it. It's a huge turn on and when he's doing it I just want to get fatter and fatter, I get that feeling I get when I just want to be an immobile feedee, it's a sensual and sexy feeling that I can't fully describe, it's just amazing. He knows how much better it makes the sex for me and how a little foreplay with my belly or feeding me something creamy makes it just that much better for me.

Anyway, I'm not feeling too good today. I have a hangover and I spent half an hour on the toilet this morning. I've been eating since I got up (well, apart from the time on the toilet, though my bunny did bring me some tea lol) and I don't feel full, though I just feel a bit sick anyway so I might stop for a bit after my burger. I'm just eating compulsively today :P lol.

Yesterday, since my diet was going so well (sarcasm alert) I just totally let myself go and decided I could eat what I like. After breakfast I got some paper and started to write down what I was eating.

8.30 - 4 sausages, 4 bacon, 2 eggs (scrambled), 2 fried bread, mushrooms, tea, 4 chocolate muffins

Then I took a shower and got ready to meet Sarah for shopping.

9.50 - tuna mayo and sweetcorn sandwich, orangina, snickers

We couldn't find any jeans that fit me (mostly as I have an odd apple shape) but I got some green cargo trousers that look good on me. I picked some looser ones and a belt to hold them up.

10.30 - milkyway milkshake, 6 donuts

We kept looking around and found some more stuff we liked, I got a good top to go with my new trousers. It exposes a lot of cleavage, though I needed a new bra to look good. My boobs have grown and I measured myself on Friday as a 46 FF. I didn't want it done professionally because in truth I'm quite ashamed of my body. I mean, have you seen the girls in lasenza? I'm 2 and a half of them :P lol. I got my bra, which exposes a lot of my cleavage and really helps my back (which hurts more now I'm this heavy). I felt really sexy in it!

11.30 - snickers, coke

We kept looking but didn't find anything then went for a maccys.

12.15 - big mac, chicken sandwich, 2 large fries, banana milkshake, coke, crunchie mcflurry

I was suprisingly full on just that so I didn't eat again until I met up with Henry at about 3 and we had pizza.

3.00 - 15" hawaiian pizza, lemonade, 2 slices fudge cake

We went to the cinema to see Indy (it's pretty good, see it but it's, umm, odd), so I got snacks (even on a full belly lol).

4.something - 1 (scoop of each) cookie dough, phish food, brownie, large sweet popcorn, hotdog, nachos with cheese, large coke

I don't think we got home until about 7 and I was starving by then so I had some leftover pasta. Henry wanted sex but I just wanted to eat and told him we didn't have time since we were going out to have drinks with Sarah and Amiee (although he ran off later to see his friends, but that's fine with me). I just desperatley wanted some cake and had a chocolate geauto (spellingage) to myself before showering and getting ready to go out. I'd sweated a LOT, in fact this summer I've sweated buckets every day :S my car smells a bit funky and my sheets need changing a lot but other than that it doesn't bother me.

8.30 - I got smashed. I think I had at least 4 beers before going onto alcopops, which lead me to shots though I don't remember any.

The next thing I remember was ordering a large donner kebab, chicken wrap, cheeseburger and potato wedges and stumbling home. I think it was 11ish.

I was sobering up by around 1 when Henry called and said he was outside, asking to come in (he was more pissed than me!) and he fell asleep on the couch next to me. I had to move him because I wanted my cheesecake to finish off a perfect day of gluttony. It was a family sized one with 2004 calories and I scoffed it all before feeling really sick and falling asleep.

Henry woke me about 7 and we had a lie in in bed but couldn't really sleep since I was fidgiting and we both have hangovers :P

He's already shopping now and the burger was yummy :P slurp! I hope you enjoyed my day as much as me :P though that's unlikely!

I still don't want to get fatter. I will get fatter. I still have a side of me that likes that idea. I'm sorry about my mood swings. 50/50 that by my next post I want to loose.

Anyway I'm going to clean up, there's junk everywhere! Bubi, lots of love to anyone who's still reading!

Ali x x x X X X x x x X x XXX x

Sorry

Hi everyone,

Sorry I've taken so long to write, sorry I haven't replied to your emails, and sorry to spoil your fantasies again :( I've stopped gaining weight. I'm 20 stone 6 pounds (286lbs), that's one hell of a weight, and while I'll probably still get a bit fatter I'm not activley trying to gain any more.

I started to feel ill and get rashes between my legs and saw my doctor so I'm on a healthier diet. She wants me to loose weight, obviously, but that's not really on my adgenda. If I can just stop gaining any more I'll be happy. I do still fantasise about getting huge and I've even come clean about these things with my bf and he's understanding but not keen on the 40 stone idea :P lol. He said though that as long as I'm happy and he can fit his dick in me there's no problem ;)

I asked him to force feed me a few weeks ago, I'd already eaten 2 15" pizzas (one ham and pineapple, 1 peperoni) and was full to bursting (well, I had been snacking all day lol) and he spoon fed me a tub of B&J and a whole family sized fudge cake ;) It was amazing but I've felt fuller. I'm hoping we can experiment more in the future (and if we do I'll be sure to write about it ;D)

Anyway, that's about it. Sorry about such a long break, I've been so busy! Plus I've just felt ill and lethargic (if that's the right word) and not wanted to do anything but sit around. Even my appettites gone down the last few days, but I recorded what I ate last, umm, Tuesday I think, and it turned out to be 19,429 calories (with 843 grams of fat if you like the details). I know because I've joined a weight loss, calorie tracking site (my profile's all about loosing weight and I wrote it in a bad mood so I'm not giving you the link there), and my mum is happy about me trying to control myself now as she was begining to worry that'd I'd be back up in the mid twenties lol. She thinks I've been really stupid in letting myself get so big again after such hard work loosing, but apart from how unhealthy I feel, I love my body right now. It's so big and round and when I stuff myself it seems to pull my hanging belly up a little and pushes out my upper belly ;D I look so damn sexy!

Mum is on a waiting list to get me a Wii Fit, so when I get that I'll be trying it out a little. You know how much I hate excercise but my back hurts and my legs feel weak and my doctor advised some light excersise to build muscle, as I'd gained a lot of weight so quickly my body hadn't adapted. She said if I don't build up some muscle now it'll be harder and harder to loose weight, which I can see the sense in. I'm also out of breath just walking down to my car and my chest hurts almost every day, and I get heartburn like you wouldn't beleive. But like I said, I've no real intention to loose weight, just when I'm in a bad mood in a forum surrounded by thin girls who think they're fat because they gained a pound at Christmas! Little bitches! Anyway I hope to get the Wii Fit soon because if I gain just another 3 stone I'll be too heavy for it as they have a weight limit of about 23.5 stone (so I read on the box).

Anyway I'm off. My love to all of you and please don't go away because of this because you know what I'm like ;P lol.

Ali x x x X X X x x x