Thursday, April 17, 2008

Sickie . . . :(

Hi all,

I’m off work today since I feel a little ill. I’ve been taking it easy but I get withdrawal symptoms without my food :S I get a really bad stomach ache and start to sweat and shake. It used to happen a lot when I was loosing weight but stopped, and now I’m back to normal. It’s not a good thing I suppose, but it is helping me gain because if I stop eating then I feel worse, and as I already feel bad, that’s pretty bad . . .

I think my general health has taken a pounding. My belly has just expanded massively and as I sit and write this it’s pushing my legs apart. I feel so heavy and I remember why I stayed indoors so much when I was bigger, I just don’t have any energy. I get seriously out of breath on stairs and if I do so much as one flight on a full tummy I feel like I’m going to throw up and I can’t breathe properly. I also bounce as I walk now so if I’m full the jiggling makes it hurt and as I’m eating almost constantly that’s becoming an issue. The only time I get away with it is when I’m drinking because I usually get too drunk to care and only eat after. My acne had almost cleared up but now with all the fast food its back with a vengeance, and on my neck and back a little too. I wouldn’t be surprised if some popped up on my chest. All this weight gain and the amount of food I’m consuming is a major turn on yet there’s no one in my life right now that I can sleep with. I thought there might be a few weeks ago but turns out he was just being nice to me and had a girl he was seeing. I get seriously horny and my dildo is starting to wear out! I’m totally out of shape and I can barely walk a few meters at the moment. My muscles just haven’t adapted to my weight as they did before.

All that said, I’m still going to gain more. I’m on the road to 40 stone baby! Haha!

I food shopped and brought new clothes on Saturday, then stayed in and ate, and did more food shopping followed by more eating Sunday :P lol. All week I’ve been binging and there’s been junk food all over my flat. My mum came around and saw what a mess it was, if she’d warned me I’d have cleared up. I’m just so lazy now that the housework is a major chore. I eat until I can’t move, then when I can move again instead of throwing away the packaging I eat some more and the cycle continues :P haha. My mum had a major go at me, she then had a look through my kitchen to see if I really have been eating healthily before going mad that there was 5 tubs of ice cream in my freezer (eaten them all now, but replaced them ;P). The other junk around the house probably didn’t help, but at the very least she didn’t look under my bed :P haha.

The weight gain is such a big turn on for me and I know I’m coming along nicely since my belly’s gone up another inch from my last post. Really gonna have to get a scale soon :P hehe. Not to mention that I’ve had to replace my work clothes with bigger sizes and none of my jeans will button, literally, none! It’s such a big turn on and I really, really need a good hard fuck, so I’m going out Friday and Saturday night with Sarah and Amiee, they said they’d find me a guy :P Amiee has no problems getting guys so she’s a good girl to go out with.

So, if you see 3 fat girls downing massive amounts of alcohol in Plymouth this weekend, go up to the one with spots and ask if she’d like a drink. If the answer is ‘a pint of Guinness and a packet of pork scratchings’, you’ve scored. You’d better have a big pot belly though, and no one too old please :P haha. Actually this is getting creepy, but the odds are slim, after all, how many pubs are there in Plymouth, the alcoholic’s paradise of Great Britain? :P

Anyway, best get back to feeling poorly or I’ll feel guilty leaving Mandy to deal with everything on her own. And somebody PLEASE leave a comment, it’s getting annoying to go on here all the time and see, big shock, no comments over and over again! :P

Bubi for now, lots of love, Ali x x x x x

Friday, April 11, 2008

Greedy pig :)

Hi all,

I wrote this on word as I've had a few and wanted to get the spelling right, hopefully it'll look ok on the page. Also had to cut and paste in a little bit from my phone.

Lately I’ve been all over the place. My life has been hectic and I’ve been confused by my feelings towards myself, my life and what I’m doing to myself with my weight gain.

I’ve done a lot of thinking, talked with a few people, and finally, in a desperate bid to make her feel better about her size, told my friend Sarah (in confidence) about my love of fat and my desire to grow. She was shocked and slightly disgusted I think, but that’s not the point. The point is I’ve decided I’m going to gain on purpose. I’m gaining weight pretty quickly as it is, and forcing myself to eat a little more feels so good and I doubt it will make any difference to how fast I gain.

Sarah’s always had issues with her weight and she can’t be happy until she’s a size zero, which is probably impossible since she’s weighed up to about 15 stone, and I don’t think you can tone your skin up after that. I know I’ll probably never get below 14 stone because of how big I’ve been. We were both a bit drunk and I was frustrated that she wouldn’t ask out this guy she likes because she thinks she’s too fat for him. I tried the ‘I’m bigger than you, and guys want me’ card, I tried the ‘just the other day Amiee got a date’ card (don’t know what else she got though), and eventually I just blurted out that recently I’d made myself fatter on purpose. She was confused, so I explained that I get a massive sexual thrill out of overeating and getting fatter, that there’s nothing else like it and I chat to thousands (exaggeration) of guys who love their girls huge. I did, in the end, convince her to text her cousin to get his number. However, now she thinks I’m mental, but promised not to tell anyone.

Back to the point of this post, I want to make myself fatter. My fantasy is to have a feeder force feed me all day long, no matter how big I get. The truth is that I hate being at all active, if it were up to me I wouldn’t walk anywhere, I wouldn’t work, I wouldn’t do anything but stay in bed, eat, watch tv, browse the net and play videogames (god knows how I’d deal with the toilet, but I’m sure a good feeder can work that out), so being so fat that I’m bed bound, something that once terrified me, is looking like something I want. It seems like my ultimate paradise. I realise that at points it’ll drive me mental and yes, it probably will shave a decade or two off my life, but I don’t think I care. I’m always changing my mind so maybe I will care at some point, but right now all I want to do is fill my fat belly.

I really, really want a feeder. I’m very shy and while I’ve met fat admirers and, possibly the odd feeder, I need someone who can make me massive. Someone with plenty of money, time and the ability to force feed me and bring me food for 16 hours of the day. Not to mention take care of me and keep me hygienic when I’m bed bound. He should be around my age, maybe up to 8 years older but no more, pretty fat and cuddly himself (if not at first I’ll put him on a special diet :P), loving, caring and devoted.

I want to make it clear that I don’t want this person right now. In a few years yes, but it’ll be a long time before I even need a feeder. I love my life right now and I’m going to make the most of it and have it last as long as it will. I think the most I can weigh before it gets in the way of my life as it is, is about 35 stone. That’s huge, that’s almost 19 stone away.

I should have mentioned, I was 16 stone 10lbs when I weighed myself, by now that number’s probably gone up a bit. I think that over a stone in my first month is pretty good (especially when it wasn’t really intentional) but I don’t know whether I’m going to keep that rate up so I’ve no idea how long it will take me to get to 35 stone.

I’d really like to hear from everyone who reads this for your encouragement, and I’d especially like to hear from anyone who fits the description of my feeder :P lol. All my fans (I like that word :P) can send me a myspace friends request.

http://www.myspace.com/alisonsgut

Please remember I don’t put pictures up on any page, but I’m getting more confident and I might send some of you something when I trust you enough. My myspace isn’t my usual one, I didn’t want to involve my friends and family in this so it’s a special one. As of writing this I only have 1 friend and he’s a random guy with spiky hair who was on a friend adding spree lol. I want to add everyone who reads this. You can also get me on my email or on Yahoo messenger: zitsandsprinkles@yahoo.co.uk

But I don’t go onto messenger much and I might take a while to reply to your email. I will though, as long as you write more than just ‘uh, hi’ lol.

Anyway, I’m getting a lot rounder. My pot belly is hanging right down and it feels so good! My jeans are almost all too tight, but I threw on a pair last week and went into KFC to order a family bucket and a zinger wrap, just the jeans, my green tanktop and a pair of trainers. My belly bulged right over my waistline, my tank top didn’t come down far enough and my muffintops must have looked enormous and I felt so damn sexy! I got a couple of teenagers staring at me and I felt so naughty! I know they were probably thinking, ‘what a fatass!’ but even that’s a compliment to me! :D I felt so greedy and naughty as I waited for my big meal. I wasn’t hungry, I didn’t need it, I just wanted it all because I’m such a greedy cow! I drove out to a little car park overlooking the harbour to scoff my meal and felt soooo good unbuttoning them. I waited a little while after finishing, then drove home. They dug in between my legs as I got out and they’re really uncomfortable now so they’re banished to the bag of stuff I’m going to take to the charity shop :)

Yesterday, rather than eating all I wanted, I decided to eat all I could manage. I kept a food diary for you all :D

7.20am Breakfast: 1 bowl crunchy nut cornflakes, 1 bowl coco-pops, 4 sausages, 2 rashes of bacon, 2 fried eggybreads, 2 potato waffles, 4 set yogurts, frijj banana milkshake

8.30am, snack: blueberry muffin, apple, twix, cup of tea

9.10 – 10.30am, snack: snickers, twix, mars, quavers, skips, hula hoops, dr pepper

10.30am break: ham salad sandwich, sausage roll, pork pie, chocolate croissant, coke

11am - 1pm, snack: mars, twirl and hula hoops

(a little break, to make sure there was room for my lunch)

1pm, lunch: Large subway meatball and cheese sub, big mac meal with chocolate milkshake, apple pie, 2 custard donuts, 6 sugar coated donuts and a banana

2pm, snack: cheese twist, coke

3pm, break: salt and vinegar crisps, yorkie

5.25pm, snack: maccy's cheeseburger meal with a coke

6.30pm, 1st dinner: regular sized Hawaiian oven pizza, oven chips, microwave chocolate sponge cake with chocolate sauce and double cream

7.30pm, snack: angel delight banana whip with sliced bananas, sprite

8pm, snack: medium sized vanilla cheesecake

9.30pm, 2nd dinner: kung po chicken, peeking pork, prawn toast, satay chicken, fried rice, honeycomb ice cream, sprite

10.45pm, snack: ben and jerry's phish food (half a regular tub)

11.20pm, snack: 1 large trifle

12.30am, supper: peanut butter and chocolate spread sandwich, 4 pack of chocolate desserts, hot chocolate with marshmallows and a pack of chocolate hobnobs

To be honest I went a bit overboard and was spurred on by writing the list on my phone :P so I tried to populate the list as best I could lol. I never got painfully full but I didn't get hungry, only a little around midday.

I'm doing my best to get some healthy food in me too and that wasn't a good example of that, it was however a good example of trying to gain as much weight as possible :P haha!

I'm loving this, right now I have a chocolate gateau meant for 8 people and I'm almost done and I'm not even properly full yet! I'm such a fat piggy ;P bet you're loving this too!

Hugs and xx's (and apologies for such a massive post), Ali x x x XXX x x x

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Friday

Well, yesterday was pretty weird. If you've worked out the time you'll know it's around 9am on a Saturday, not the sort of time I normally like to be up I know, but I can't sleep. I woke up at 7 as I'm used to it now and since I felt starving and needed the loo I just got up. I don't feel so tired in the mornings now that I'm used to waking up early and without getting any excersise at all. No one's on Yahoo so I figured I'll write a blog.

Friday I wasn't needed at work so I got up about 8 I think, then had a fry up for breakfast. A bigger one than usual actually, I had 4 sausages, 4 rashes of bacon, scrambled eggs, 2 slices of fried bread and half a tin of beans. I then had couple of bowls of cereal, a pack of 4 eclairs and a frijj banana milkshake.

I couldn't walk without my belly hurting so I spent the rest of the morning on the sofa pigging out, I had plenty of chocolate and a large trifle to myself :) yummy. I'd eaten just about everything else in the flat so got dressed to go shopping. My jeans are all too tight to be comfy now so I put on a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a white tank top. There was a small gap between them as the tank top is just a size 16 so I went out with stretchmarks on show :P It was really warm though, I got kinda sweaty even though I wore very little. I spent £64.80 in the supermarket getting enough food for the weekend and rushed it home to get the 4 tubs of ice cream I brought into the freezer. There's a good deal on Smarties ice cream, so I got two of those and some ben and jerry's. I also brought myself some booze, 8 cans of budweiser and a large bottle of smirnoff ice.

I went back out to the maccys drive through and had a big mac meal with coke, cheese burger meal with chocolate milkshake and a muffin. I ate that quickly in the carpark and went to get a pizza, which is what I was really craving. As I drove to the pizza place I thought a) I'm on a mission today, non stop eating, and b) does anywhere open for pizza at lunch time?

Fortunately the answer to b) is yes. I got 12" Hawaiian pizza and headed back to my car. Can you guess the odds of bumping into someone you know in a city like Plymouth? Did you know that it's scientifically proven that you're more likley to bump into someone you really don't want to see than someone you do. It could have been Sarah, Amiee, my boss, any one else even, but no it was my ex. While I doubt he knew which one was my car, he was stood by it chatting to some other gorilla. I tried to ignore him and hoped he wouldn't notice but he saw me as I was dumb enough to go to the fucking passenger side first! >:(

He tried to be nice, asking how I was. His friend left and it was just us. He looked the same as before but I doubt I did. Come to think of it I may have looked smaller. He saw the pizza and the maccys wrappers on the back seat (from Friday and several meals before, plus other snack wrappers and a KFC bucket) and commented that I'd given up on my diet and I said I had because I was sick of being moulded by someone else. I'd rather be moulded by fast food. It wasn't so bad running into him, we even laughed about something. I drove home, starting to feel a bit nostalgic.

When I got home I started on my pizza when my mother rang. You'll notice I usually use the word mum, but I'm a bit pissed off with her so she's mother! My ex had called her, just for a chat (can you believe that?! Asshole!) and mentioned all the fast food. When my mum asked he said I hadn't lost any weight since he'd last seen me which gave her the impression that I was getting huge again! It was only Thursday I'd been home! I wasn't wearing anything as revealing though.

Anyway, she had a bitch at me and I started on some Budwieser and got a little drunk. I owned up to pigging out a bit and even went as far as telling her that I hate dieting so much that I just wanted to eat properly for a few weeks. I told her I'd stop but I know I won't. I think she knows too, she doesn't trust me.

Anyway, I spent the rest of the day drinking and eating, I got through the rest of the beer I brought and a tub of smarties ice cream and a tub of ben and jerry's. I did complete a), non stop eating until about 6 when I ate too much pasta and had to wait a while before having a microwave fudge cake.

My belly feels huge, and while I'm still keeping my weight under wraps to keep you intrested (sorry lads ;P), I measured my waist at it's biggest point this morning. My tape measure only goes up to 50" and I had to hold the point with my finger and see what the gap was, so I may be out a tiny bit, but it was 54 inches :D (before breakfast too!)

I feel huge! I'm loving it, I haven't been this big in sooo long! Definately want to gain more weight, I feel so good. Except of course when my mum has a bitch at me!

Anyway, I'm off. Bubi for now, love and hugs, Ali x x x X X X x x x

Friday, April 04, 2008

Weigh in . . ?

Hi all,

As you know I've probably put on a few pounds since moving out to live on my own, but I wasn't sure. Since being put on a diet I got down to my lowest in about 2 years of about 14 and a half stone, though it may have been a little more or less, I'm not really sure. Come to think of it that's a weight loss many girls dream of, almost 10 stone in just over a year, seems odd to think of it that way. Anyway, when I just gave in and started pigging out again the scales were at about 15 and a half stone though I'm not 100% sure.

I know I've gained since then as clothes have gotten too tight and I just feel heavier and more out of breath than before, but I don't really see it on my body. Maybe I'm already too fat to notice it :P lol.

I've eaten more or less constantly all week and done no exercise whatsoever. The farthest I've walked this week was from work to the nearby shop, which is no more than 30 meters. Even that was to buy sweets and chocolate :P I tend to eat all day at my desk and even eat in my car (though not when I'm actually driving), I eat all the time I'm at home and when I've been out for a drink recently I tend to have crisps or pork scratchings, followed closely by a large takeaway meal. On Wednesday I had Chinese, I only went in to order a chicken chow mien and chips but came out with those plus satay chicken skewers, prawn toast, sweet and sour chicken balls and egg fried rice.

Sarah is the only one who knows how much I'm eating, my mum would flip out. My boss just asks that I don't make a mess but she probably knows that I'm a compulsive eater. Sarah thinks I'm a bit crazy but says if I have no problem with being obese and I honestly don't care about the future health risks then I should do what I like.

Although she can't get her head around the idea that fat isn't such a bad thing. She thinks that being fat is horrible and she needs to be size zero. The number of times I've told her about the guys I've met on the internet and she's just refused to listen to me has just made me give up. It's sad to me that she feels the need to change herself to be happy and can't understand how I can be so happy yet get further and further away from the bodily ideal that's been smashed into her skull with a sledgehammer. I am who I am and I'm happy with myself. I wish there were someway to help the brainwashed bimbos and the girls like Sarah who torture themselves with diets and exercise.

Anyway I'm getting side tracked. Sorry.

So eating is becoming the biggest thing in my life right now, which, while plainly fucked up, is probably what most of you want to hear. Maybe you're all fuck ups too?

I don't have any problem with that anymore. My mum's gonna try and sew my mouth shut but other than that I'll be fine.

So, I was at home last night for some more tasty home cooking, I'd eaten a little extra because I'm not allowed junk or snacks while I'm there, so I was rather stuffed, and I waddled up to the bathroom for a good shit. Nice image isn't it? Since I'm being graphic, I undid my top button, which was digging into my fat, overfull gut, and let my skirt drop to the floor. I sat down, my legs now spread open by my pot belly in between them, and let rip.

Sorry, I'm in an odd mood.

I held the sides of my belly and thought about what a fat greedy bitch I was, mentally punishing myself, when I figured I'd better hop on the scales.

I wasn't shocked at all; if anything I was expecting more. You want to know?

Tough shit.

Like I said, funny mood.

I've kept it secret for this long it won't hurt you to wait a little longer. Besides only a couple of you email me and no one chats with me anymore so maybe you don't care?

I'm getting my own scales, I want digital ones and I know where I can get a set which matches my bathroom that go up to 20something stone. 25 I think, can't remember without looking at the catalogue.

Anyway, I'll let you all get back to whacking over the video hoares on youtube :P

Don't be offended by my mood, it's brought on by my mum’s nagging and exacerbated by a 4 pack of Budweiser with my Hawaiian pizza for lunch. Plus I'm gassy and that pisses me off.

I’m not at work today, as you may have guessed. Mandy is working with her husband and shut the office for the day; she’s taking any calls on her mobile so gave me the day off. I don’t know if I’m still getting paid :S hope so! She could have hired someone better than me by advertising for an experienced receptionist so I hope she’s happy with me. That’s such a good job! Not that I’m complaining about a day off. I’m going to have a couple of litres of ice cream now and see where I go from there. Don’t think I’m gonna stop eating at all today :S

Bubi for now, Ali x x x x x x x