Thursday, February 19, 2009

Sorry

Hi all,

Sorry it's been so long and sorry you never read about my xmas binges. It's been so long and so much has happened that I just can't remember everything. It's not important anyway.

If you've read my blog a long time you'll know that when I gain too much too fast I get sick sometimes. Right after I posted my last blog I started to feel chest pains. It's not the first time I've felt them but it was the worst, and for the longest time. Normally I would get chest pains after exercise, such as walking stairs, or (fortunately only occasionally) after very fatty meals such as fry ups. But these were quite intense and I started to feel bad all over. I was worried that perhaps I'd gotten a lot of fat in my arteries and it made me stressed, which made things worse. As I was stressed I just binged more and I got so bad I couldn't move around without feeling sick so I went to see my doctor. She couldn't explain it but by the time I actually got around to my appointment they'd stopped and I just felt the kind of sick like when I have a cold. Because she wasn't sure and I didn't want to think about it I said I felt all better and that I would let her know if the pains came back.

I got a bad cold after that and lost some weight, weighing in at 27 stone 7lbs at the start of Febuary. Harry has been supportive for the last few weeks. He knows I love my fat and want to be bigger and he's fine with it but worries about my health, especially after this little scare. Right now I'm off work, I'm laid in bed and he's brining me breakfast. I'm eating leftover pizza lol.

For valentine's day he took me out for a Chinese. I don't even remember what I ate, it was way too much. I felt kind of sick in the restaraunt and had to wait for a while before we could leave. I got pissed out of my skull as well and we fucked until about 3 am, at which point I was so out of it I didn't even need to eat before going to sleep.

I've been a pig lateley as usual, but unfortunately my poor little car has died. I'm waiting to save enough money to get it repaired, my dad says he can't afford to pay me any more and I need some part for some part for some part that I don't even know where abouts it is! This has meant buses and walking, which is making me feel a little better, my body doesnt ache as much and i feel like i have more energy, but i still dont like walking. My car will be fixed soon though. I can't walk in summer, I will be sweating too much and I will get dehydrated, it used to happen when I was slimmer, let alone now . . .

I'm arranging a holiday so I can stay home and feed for one or two weeks. I'm going to eat lots of healthy foods and do a lot of cooking, trying to cut down on the fat and salt i'm taking in and have more salad, but there will be a lot of fast food too. I expect to return to work and find my uniform won't fit at all.

Anyway, I will blog again soon, I'm going to go wash because I smell like a hoare with a busy schedule.

Love to all! Ali x x x x x