Wednesday, November 15, 2006
. . .
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Still Shrinking
Sorry it's been so long since I posted but I haven't really got a lot to tell you, and I suppose telling you I've lost weight isn't really great for all of you :P lol
I have though, I've lost another 4 pounds (I think, scales wobble a little lol) since my last post but I've still got a long way to go. I've still got my job, it's kinda boring but I'm stacking shelves now too so I'm getting a little excersise instead of sitting at the counter all day. Not a lot I guess but better than nothing.
Mum's happy I'm loosing weight but she's still bugging me to go swimming and stuff, even though she's still getting fatter :P I heard my dad moaning that there's not so much room in the bed for him lol, but I don't think he really minds.
I got my new stereo, it's a wall mounted one with blue backlights but I can't be assed to put it up so it's sitting next to my telly.
Anyway that's about it, I'll try and update again sometime soon.
Hugs and XX's,
Ali
Friday, June 02, 2006
Being Naughty
You know I've been trying to behave myself, and I've been doing pretty well if I do say so myself :P but tonight I couldn't help myself.
I had breakfast, which was just 4 weetabix and a banana (which as you know is WAY less than I'm used to) and I'm ok with that, but I skipped lunch since it meant buying something and I'm saving my money for a CD player (I broke mine :'X) but I wasn't so bothered until I left work and suddenly realised I was starving :P
So I got home, had lasanga which mum cooked, 3 slices of cake and a pack of 4 chocolate puddings :P
Then I went out with Sarah and we got takeaways, I had a cheese burger with chips and a chicken salad wrap (extra mayo :P) and when I got home I raided my stash so now I'm having a brownie. I've not gone as mad as I used to, but it's nice to feel full again. God I've missed it these past couple of weeks lol!
Anyway I'm going to be more sensible tommorow. I think :S
Bubi for now, hugs and XX's
Ali
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
My New Job
Sorry I haven't updated my blog in so long, I've been both depressed and busy.
First off I'm not 22 stone anymore, I'm 21 stone 3 pounds (I think, give or take a pound), but while I wasn't posting I was chatting to a few freinds on e-mail and someone sent me this. They worked out how much I was gaining and when. I thought it was really good and worth putting up here.
01-06-2005 196 lbsHowever I'm trying to loose weight now, and this is how I've done it.
15-11-2005 225 lbs a gain of 29 lbs in 168 days,
which comes to 0,17 lbs per day
25-02-2006 253 lbs a gain of 28 lbs in 102 days,
which comes to 0,27 lbs per day
18-04-2006 297 lbs a gain of 44 lbs in 52 days,
which comes to 0,85 lbs per day
01-05-2006 315 lbs a gain of 18 lbs in 13 days,
which comes to 1,38 lbs per day
10-05-2006 326 lbs a gain of 11 lbs in 9 days,
which comes to 1,22 lbs per day
I took a look at myself, I realised I'm unhappy because I'm so freakishly big and I thought about what was making me so big. Obviously the massive amounts of food I get through, but I've tried just not eating, its not that simple, I loose self control and eat anyway. So I realised that I don't get so hungry when I'm playing games, and I figured it was just that my mind's occupied with something, so I don't think about eating. But I can't play games all day, I just get bored, so I got a job.
My mum was so pleased with me for finnally getting up and doing something, especially after coming so close to becoming her size (which it turns out she was noticing :S). I don't want to mention where I'm working, the last thing I want is some local nut case who reads this to go out and try and find the fattest girl in the store called Alison :P but it's just a counter job and that's all I'm saying :D. It's really easy, I get to sit most of the day and all I have to do is scan what someone buys, press a couple of buttons on the till and take the money and give the change. I've never been great at maths but the till does it for me so that's a relief :P
I was worried I wouldn't get the job, I mean it was my first proper job interview and I was nervous and sweaty and I swear I passed gas a few dozen times :S something I tend to do after a curry :D lol. But anyway I got the job since I was the most trustworthy out of all the people they interviewed. The others, I'm told, were 2 goths, a guy who turned up drunk and some guy who would have got it but he'd been fired from his last job. I guess I was lucky on that one, but I get about 30 hours a week at £5.85 an hour (tax deductable >:X) and as a bonus I get a discount in the store.
So now I'm loaded with my own cash instead of my parents and that feels brilliant. I know probably nearly all of you make your own money, just to have the internet to be able to read this, but for me this is the first time I've ever made real money before and it feels really good.
I realised I'd not seen Sue or Sarah for a long time but I've started going out with them again. Sarah's lost weight, she's about 12 stone again now. She puts on weight really easily but she can loose it easily too, except she gets down to about 12 and it won't shift again :P but she's tiny compared with me now. Sue's still the same old Sue, but without me 'holding her back' as she put it she's been going a little wild out clubbing and slept with this guy without protection and she didn't even get his number :S and she got worried she was pregnant, but luckily she was just paranoid :P lol. And luckily she didn't catch anything either.
We've been going out for drinks again and I'm squeezing into some of my old tarty clothes :P but I'm not looking to find anyone. It's not that I don't want someone, sometimes I feel so horny I have to use a vibrator and mess up my sheets. It's just that even if I meet someone who seems really great, I can't know if he's going to dump me when he's done with me, and by then I might have feelings for him, so then I'll be upset and I'll dive for the fridge and I'll be 30 stone before you can say "fucking told you so". So I'm just going out to have fun.
Anyway that's about it, I'll update when I get the chance. And sorry to those of you who haven't had a reply, I've just been busy and not felt like writing so some of them haven't even been read, sorry :S, but e-mail me if you want. If I can I'll reply.
Hugs and XX's
Ali
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Food Addiction
I was watching this thing about obese people with food addiction the other night, and I realised I'm addicted too. I was stuffing my face with donuts the entire hour, I think I ate 5 and a big bag of m&m's. I'd been full all day like normal, just eating and eating and I realised I've not gone out in ages. I've just stayed home eating, apart from a couple of trips to the shop (one of which I took a fucking taxi!) since the chinese place when I puked.
I weighed myself tonight, 23 stone 3 pounds. I'm so fucking huge now and I've been growing so fast! At this rate I'll be what, 30 stone by summer?? It doesn't even sound real does it, and I bet some of you think I'm lying. I was just 14 stone last year, now I'm nearly 24. I'm almost the size of my fucking mother! I'm nearly house bound! Nearly none of my clothes fit, I don't go out and I can't stop fucking eating! I can't stop forcing food down my throat! Even when I'm so full I'm sick I keep eating. I need help but I don't have any idea who to turn to. As soon as my mum finds out I'm nearly 24 stone (although its amazing she still thinks I'm 19) she's going to kill me, my doctor can't really do much, a psychatrist is too expensive and I can't help myself.
I thought I might have had the will power to stop eating but I can't, I just can't do it on my own. I rationally thought last night, I was eating a pack of eclairs and my stomach was starting to hurt, they were beginning to taste bad and my jaw was starting to ache. I had two left and I said to myself, don't eat those, put them in the pack, put it under your bed and just stop right now. I did it and watched TV. Then I started to feel wierd, I felt like crying and I felt like I was, well I don't know. I just felt like they had to be eaten. I started to feel hungry and lusted for the taste of the cream and chocolate, even though a moment ago the taste in my mouth was sour and my belly ached.
I pulled rolled over and squshed my stomach, which made it hurt again, and pulled them out. I suddenly realised that my belly has gotten huge. Rather than just touch down on my bed it spills right out and goes way further than my breasts. Which I feel like I ought to mention, are no longer the only body parts I'm almost happy with. They're now saggy and just rest flatly on my stomach or fall down under my arms, and I can't see my nipples without holding my tits up a little and looking in the mirror. It's so upsetting to see my body so hugely overweight.
Anyway I practically just swallowed the fucking eclairs and my stomach started aching again. Then I waddled downstairs, made 4 peanut butter and chocolate spread sandwiches, a pint of milk, a chocolate gauto cake (a whole one, it's meant to serve 6!) and a 2 litre bottle of dr pepper. I ate the sandwichs first, then the cake. My stomach hurt so much I started crying to myself. I started because I was so sad actually, sad that I was eating and I couldn't stop, then the pain just got so bad I began crying about that. I kept going and going until I'd finished the whole cake, then laid on my side rubbing my belly. I was so full, I was trying not to puke. I kept swallowing and my breathing was difficult because I didn't want to be sick. I got hiccups after a few minutes and the short sharp jolts of pain to my stomach made me cry even more. That's how I fell asleep.
Anyway after watching that program I just really want to do something before it's too late and I end up disabled in bed for the rest of my miserable fucking life! I don't care that I'm fat, I can deal with being sneered at in the street and never having a totally normal life, but I can't cope with lying in a stinky bed all day pissing and shitting down a funnel and slowly killing myself with junk food as I numb my mind with daytime TV.
The good news for you guys is if I ever get that big I'd probably want a feeder to look after me. They'd have to be a feeder I suppose just to put up with my constant demand for food. I wouldn't want some care-worker or my mum to look after me, that would be so horrible.
Anyway that's all I have to say for now, sorry for the lack of updates, I'm just really down at the minute.
Bubi for now, hugs and xx's
Ali
Monday, May 01, 2006
22 Stone :-O
It's so fucking stupid I just can't belive it! I've been eating healthily and eating less, I'm at around 4,000 calories a day so I can't believe I gained so much so fast! I kept a diary of what I ate yesterday and here it is:
Breakfast
4 weetabix
1 bowl crunchy nut cornflakes
4 pieces of toast
snack - 1 bag crisps, 1 snickers bar
lunch
pasta in sauce with sausages
2 slices of fudge cake
1 donut
1 eclair
snack - eclair
dinner - (just two helpings)
roast beef
roast potatoes
cabbage
broccoli
carrots
banana custard
snack - chocolate mousse, pack of busciuts
supper
bacon sandwich
banana custard
And then I realised I've still been eating a lot. A lot less than usual yes, but still more than some people are lucky to get in a fucking month. I wonder if I should go try and live in Ethiopia for a few years, some of them have probably never seen someone my size before, they might think I was a cow and eat me! But I'd probably go mad with starvation after a couple of hours :P
Anyway I'm so pissed off with myself and I realised when I got dressed this morning that I could only get into two pairs of jogging bottoms and all my tops rode up over my belly, which is now so covered in stretch marks it's almost completely red! It's so fucking disgusting! So now I have to not only go downstairs and ask mum to buy me more clothes but I have to do it with my belly sticking out.
Even worse is that I'm getting sores around my vagina and on my lower back. The ones around my lower back are from my belts I think, my flab's folded over them for so long they've rubbed until the skin broke. But around my vagina is more of a mystery, I can't think what it might be, other than my jeans but they don't rub much. Well my legs rub together (and that's actually wearing my jeans away :P) but my skin doesn't rub so it's really confusing and worrying.
I'll keep you posted. Hugs and xx's
Ali
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Dinner Out
Hi all,
I'm so ashamed of myself, I swore to myself to start living healthily, and I've been doing ok. I'm down below the 3000 calorie mark and I'm feeling fitter and full of vitality. In fact I've lost 7 pounds but I think that might have even been down to just not eating constantly, I gave my system chance to flush it all out.
Anyway I've been so good for the last week or so that I've started to really get cravings, serious cravings for all sorts of foods. Sausages, bacon and chocolate mostly, but also fattening cereals and crisps and stuff. And I'm just not getting full enough, even when I eat thirds or forths at meal times I'm left feeling like there's still more room I should be filling.
It wasn't giving in to those that I'm ashamed of, because even though I have so far tonight eaten about £30 worth of chocolate and snacks, I did something far worse tonight that kind of turned me to eat all those treats.
It's my aunt's birthday. Not my aunt who came to my birthday, this is my mum's brother's wife (well she's an aunt I think). Anyway we were invited to go to dinner with her, she wanted to go to this Chinese restraunt out of the city where they do all you can eat for, I dunno, I think it was either £15 or £20. She's bigger than me and mum put together :P she loves to eat. She's gotta be 35 stone I swear! Her car seats needed to be adjusted and she gave up on driving ages ago because she has a bad knee. But anyway, we drove out there and parked a short distance from the restraunt, I was in these horrible tight shorts and my belly was down on my lap, bouncing away. I was embarassed when these kids stared at me and I heard one of them say "whoa fuck me, she's huge" when they were a bit behind me, but they might have been talking about my mum.
So that's the first little emotional trauma I have to deal with, but it's nothing I don't get whenever I walk somewhere anyway, so I'm ok with it. Then I saw my aunt and uncle waiting outside having a fag, she looked massive, with huge fat arms and an arse that was leaning on the wall, even though her head was a good foot away. And after saying hi to my mum and dad, what's the first thing she says to me?
"Oo 'eck you're geddin' bigger all the time aren't ya? Last time I saw you, you was only a syze sixteen!"
I felt worse then, as always, but I didn't assume she meant to hurt my feelings. Mum jumped in to my defence. In a chatty way as opposed to a confrontational way.
"Actually she's started eating healthily just this month, she's lost over half a stone!"
"Aww well done Ali!" Was all I got, but it didn't make me feel any better.
What did make me feel better was watching my aunt being helped up just three steps by half the family, and then almost wedging herself in the door frame.
But then when we got in we were all being stared at. I mean the only one of us who wasn't morbidly obese was my dad and he's a little chubby these days. Some more of our family were already sat at the big round table, which I guess is probably how the staff reffered to us while we were there. I plonked myself down and felt the chair creak, and my mum and aunt both also just managed to get on their chairs.
The table was in a corner and my mum and aunt were wedged in, so their men had to bring thier food. I swear they'd have to be feeders just to put up with them. When my mum eats at a buffet she sends my dad up about 10 fucking times! I bet he's a bit of a closet feeder really. But I had free roam of the restraunt, and I was starving hungry. My cravings were getting to me and I just so badly wanted to stuff myself!
So I'm starving, feeling bad and at a buffet? Not a great start for someone on a diet but I wasn't concerned about that, I just wanted to eat!
When they gave us our plates I was up like a shot and I filled it as much as I could, sat down and started gorging myself as quickly as I could. I was eating like a pig and before anyone had finished their first plate I was on my second. The third time I got up I could feel my belly was getting heavier and fuller, but I wasn't bothered. I was getting noodles, rice, sweet and sour chicken and pork, chilli beef and chicken, beef in black bean, duck pancakes, kung po king prawns, all sorts. I counted, the first 5 plates, fine, then I decided enough was enough, undid my belt, let my belly hang out and rested for a while.
I noticed my mum and aunt still scoffing away, and chatting obviously. One would talk for a while, the other would eat, then they'd swap and go on for ages. 'Til my aunt changed the subject to me.
"So Ali, I guess that's your diet down swannie today then?"
I was so bloated I tried to talk and air rushed up and I kinda burped, but not quite. I don't know what you call it, half burp half hiccup, fairly silent. You know what I mean anyway. Then everyone lauged at me. I tried to smile but I couldn't make it beleiveable. So then she says:
"Aww sorry Ali I guess you're lyke me, see food and eat it! Haha!"
They all laughed again and I thought fuck it, got my plate and piled it high again. I ate another 3 plates then as I got to the end of the 3rd my stomach really started to hurt, like when I ate those 3 pizzas. It just suddenly comes in a burst like my stomach is being blown up with air. My belly was pressing against the table which it wasn't before and it was getting hard to breathe properly again.
But I didn't really feel like stopping. There was lots of nice food still around and I knew I could manage a little more. I had another plate of noodles and chicken and some more beef with rice, about another plate and a half. Then the pain kicked in harder and it felt like I'd just eaten two whole footballs (soccer balls to you Americans).
No one seemed to notice how much I'd eaten or that I was sweating and breathing heavy and rubbing my stomach under the table. It was really unfomfortable, I'd eaten almost 10 plates of Chinese food and no one cared.
Then everyone finished and we talked for a few moments (although I could hardly breathe let alone talk!) and the bastard waiter brought me the fucking desset menu! He passed us all one and I picked a fudge cake, a pinapple fritter, a banana fritter and some of their salcombe ice cream (two scoops of strawberry, vannilla and chocolate), and then he brought them in like, maybe 5 minutes at the most. My stomach was in agony it was like I was digesting a fucking live dog!
I almost passed out at one point, maybe because I was having trouble breathing, I don't know but I got all dizzy and faint. I carried on eating but I let my uncle pinch a banana fritter (not that it made any difference). Then when I'd finished the ice cream I drank my glass of coke (which fucking caned, my stomach felt like I'd just dropped a bomb in it) and I felt like I had to burp.
Something in my stomach just bubbled up and I wretched and vomited on my plate. Noodles, cake, ice cream, chicken. No one seemed to notice. Then I coughed a lot and everyone turned and saw the mound of vomit on my plate. They were all disgusted and I cried and felt my stomach jump again and I puked up even more than last time. It splattered onto the table cloth as well this time, I made such a mess. I cried and made a bit of a scene.
Anyway I went to the bathroom and heaved up some more until I felt ok to walk and when I got back my dad had cleared it all into a box (not the plate he just stacked that with some others). I'm not sure wether the staff knew about it or not but they must have given him the beer box, but he'd put all our leftovers in it so I can't know if they knew.
No one really spoke to me after that, mum just asked was I ok and everyone said goodbye when we left and went our seperate ways. I think mum was ashamed of me, dad wasn't showing anything. We got home and I've dug into a stash of snacks I've had here. I feel so stupid doing that! Shoving food down until it came back up. I even puked so much I had to flush the chain twice and I was still stuffed.
I don't know what mum's gonna say in the morning and I'm dreading ever going back there, or to any all you can eat place for the rest of my life.
I'm so full right now and I'm still eating. I thought I could control myself but obviously it's beyond me!
Bubi for now, hugs and xx's
Ali
Thursday, April 20, 2006
New life!
First off I'm sorry I haven't replied to your emails. I tell you what, if you wanna chat to me still send me an e-mail and tell me how uv bin doin, ask me a few questions and I'll reply when I read it. Sorry, but you know me, I'm lazy lol :P
I thought I'd try and go easy on what I eat for a few days and yesterday I only ate a little, compared with what I normally wolf down, and I realised that I'm not actually hungry. It's in my head, and when it's not it's my brain tricking me into thinking I'm hungry. I only ate half my usual breakfast and pushed lunch back to about 3, then had dinner with my family. I had seconds but I realised it made me full and when I took time to think of it, I didn't want any more.
I snacked quite a lot so I went well over my doctor's suggested 2000 calories, but really I think I did well and I'm pleased with myself for not giving into my usual gluttony. I've eaten loads of fruit in place of some of my snacks and got my mum to do extra veg for me at meal times and filled up on those and it's really worked, I feel much better. Also I feel stronger, getting up isn't as much of a challenge lol :P and the stairs aren't something I dread, and really that was down to a lack of energy. Sure I was getting calories, lots of them lol, but I still felt lazy because there was nothing healthy in my diet.
This is definately going to be a permanant change for me, I feel so, so much better. I think loosing weight is something that is beyond me for the time being, I suppose I'm still a major chocoholic and I am very, very lazy :P so I'm not going to slim down yet. But as much as you all like me how I am, I can't live at this size, and since I've balooned so much these last few months I really think I should take control of myself and stop getting fatter right now.
I'll do ok for the time being I think, if I can just control my diet for a few months, then I can probably loose a few stone (at least 5, I can't go on carrying this much weight, it's too much!).
So anyway, I'm afraid it's bad news for you guys, but I'll pig out once in a while and think of you, then tell you what I ate lol :)
Bubi 4 now, hugs and xx's
Ali
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Doctor's Appointment
I ate so much at breakfast that my stomach felt heavy and bloated and I found it hard walking to the bus stop. Usually after breakfast you know I lie down or watch TV for a while, but I had to go early. I tried cradling my belly again but it was no good, I was nearly sick from all the food sloshing around inside me. Anyway I was glad to get to the doctor's, the bus stop isn't far from the entrance anyway. I got in, sat down and belched. It was kind of funny, everyone looked at me lol :P. Anyway I had half an hour to wait so I took out a chocolate bar and started eating. I wasn't planning to do a blog today so I wasn't counting, but when I realised I'd run out I thought 'holy fuck', because I'd just eaten 2 mars bars, two packs of munchies, a large twix and a crunchie in less than 10 minutes. I knew that because of all the wrappers lol, I rarely count them when I buy them, I just take all I can carry :P
Anyway that just gave me such a belly ache, but I managed to just ignore it and wait for them to call me. I got in and spoke to my doctor, she commented that I'd put on a lot of weight since I last saw her, which was nearly a year ago. I kinda apologised and she said it wasn't her I had to be sorry to, it was me. She asked me what I'd come in about, I told her I just generally felt ill, stomach pains, headaches, and some other embarrassing things that I probably shouldn't mention.
She tapped at her computer and had a think about it and asked me a lot about my diet, I reckon she immediately figured my weight was to blame. I told her the truth, but obviously not the whole truth. I told her what I ate in a normal day, what I drink, what excersise I take, blah blah blah, and then she told me what she thought.
She thinks I'm not eating enough!!! Lol. Well not exactly, she thinks I'm getting too much fat in my diet and not enough vitamins and carbohydrates and stuff. And she thinks I need more excersise. She told me that with what I eat it's no wonder I was gaining weight, and also said that I was dangerously overweight and should seriously think about cutting down on my daily intake. I told her I'd tried but I simply get too hungry, she thinks thats probably just because my body's used to it but if I can cut down for a few days I'll stop wanting more food.
She told me what I needed to do, basically what all doctors tell my mum, eat healthy, cut down to 2000 calories a day and try and get a little excersise. Well fuck that I don't want to!!! She said she didn't think there was anything seriously wrong with me, but if I got worse then to come back and see her. She said it was probably just bad food for the last few days. To be honest that sounds about right, the only veg I've had all week has been a couple of things from mum and the lettuce in a big mac :P
Anyway, before I left I asked to use her scales. It was sort of embarassing, my belly bulging over my waist as I bent over to look at the reading lol :P but I finnally saw, you ready? It was:
Weight : 297 pounds
Or : 21 stone 3 pounds (I think, I'm not 100% sure lol)
So I've put on over a stone since I outgrew my home scales, and you know what, I think I can see every single one of them packed onto my belly lol.
I'm so close to 300 pounds it's scary :$, but now I think of it I'm probably over 300 lbs because I went to McDonald's after I came back from the doctor's. I stuffed myself fucking silly lol :P I had a big mac, 2 cheese burgers (this time I made them doubles) and a chicken sandwich, followed by 3 portions of fries, a muffin, a donut, an apple pie, a crunchie mcflurry and a dairy milk mcflurry and 2 strawberry milkshakes and a large coke. I was so stuffed I got a taxi home lol. I managed to waddle to the taxi rank, my stomach was so full it hurt lol, but it was kind of erotic at the same time. I undid my belt and button in the taxi and the driver looked back at me in the rear veiw mirror. I was sweating and I groaned. It was so funny, you know what he said?
"Say, you're not having a baby are you?"
I laughed so much, he thought I was pregnant. I guess you would though, I came in with a huge round stretch marked belly, sweating and groaning in pain lol! :P
That's the first time that's happened so far but I doubt it'll be the last.
I got home and told my mum (not my weight she'd have a fit!) and she cooked me extra veg with my dinner :P I have no intention of cutting down on the junk food so really I have to just force down more veg when I have a meal lol. Maybe I'll try a macdonald's salad, although that'd be pushing it lol.
Bubi 4 now, hugs and xx's
Ali
Saturday, April 15, 2006
So Fucking Full
I had a problem, you see, my mum said I can eat as much as I want out of what she cooks for me but I'm not allowed to eat anything she hasn't cooked, she think's that'll be healthier for me. And since I could normally eat 6 portions and still pack away some sponge cake I didn't want to act suspicious. Plus being so stuffed was turning me on. I'd undone my jeans and was rubbing my stomach under the table.
I belched, took the spoon and started eating.
I swear I almost burst :P
I was finding it hard to breathe or move and my belly was really, really uncomfortable. It hurt like fuck and I couldn't get into a comfortable position. I waddled upstairs after a while and crashed onto bed where I've had a sleep for a few hours. I'm just surfing the net now, I still haven't done your emails sorry, but I'll do them soon, I did promise after all :P
So I'm just going to lounge around and have this cake that I baked this morning (I made a cake and managed not to eat any yet lol, which is unlike me). It looks so delicious, it's chocolate, 4 layers with cream in between and a layer of chocolate icing on top. It's massive as well, the cook book said 4,500 calories (serves 8-10 ppl) but I used extra everything to make it extra delicious lol. I'm not sure I can eat the whole thing tonight but I'll give it a shot!!
Bubi for now. Hugs and xx's
Ali
Monday, April 10, 2006
Hiya
Sorry no update for ages I just haven't felt like it, and if I had I'd have nothing to tell you. I haven't done a lot, I haven't felt like going out although Sarah dragged me the other day and we both got wasted lol.
I've been eating so much, I'm probably a lot heavier. I don't want to buy more scales, someone suggested standing on 2 sets and I can see how that would work, it's actually a good idea, but if I buy more scales that's like saying to mum "hey I'm over 20 stone". She's probably heavier than 24 stone by now, I heard dad moan that he had less space in the bed. He wasn't moaning at her, he was thinking of getting a new bed :P . She only knows her weight because she has to go to the doctor quite often. The doc wants her to loose about 10 stone but he doesn't think there's anything to worry about for another 10 years or so, then she'll need new knees and probably kidneys and stuff too. I don't know I'm not a doctor, but it really puts me off my food when I think of me being that size and needing to go for check ups all the time.
Anyway I really need a way to work out my weight, there's a few places in Plymouth with those scales where you can put in 20p and weigh yourself but I can't find any that go over 20 stone. I can't believe I've gotten so big, I'm nearly twice as wide as I was last year, it feels so weird. Thursday, I went shopping, I had to squeeze onto the bus then got stuck in the seat and missed my stop!! I had to wait another couple of minutes and then cross and get a bus back to the supermarket! I was actually wedged in as I tried to stand up, my belly was stuck over the seat in front and my butt wedged onto the back rest of my seat. I've started getting used to the extra weight but sometimes I still make mistakes like that.
Then when I got to the shop I was so embarressed, I had to ask the shop assistant to help me get something. I couldn't reach into the freezer to get these pizzas I wanted, my belly's just gotten so big :( then he got it and I felt so stupid saying I actually wanted 2. And then I got him to get me this cheesecake as well. I felt so fat, especially since my clothes were all tight and my bare belly was hanging down covered in stretchmarks. But when I was shopping I looked around, because I felt a little self concious I wanted to see if people were looking at me. I realised half the girls shopping were at least 15 stone and I only saw two skinny girls and they didn't even stare at me or anything. I noticed a guy taking occasional glances at me as I filled my trolley but I don't think he was staring, I realised he might actually be like you guys, an FA (that's what you call yourselves right?). Anyway I felt a little better about it but I still feel really fat.
I've gotten over Brett, I wasn't really under him to be honest it was really just the thought that there goes another guy I like who I don't get to be with :( but anyway I'm better now :)
I'm sorry I haven't replied to your e-mails, I'll try to I just haven't felt like it and when I have felt like it I haven't had the time. Sorry, don't write again, it'll make it more confusing :P I'll reply to them next week :)
Hugs and xx's
Ali
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Dumped :(
Hi,
I'm very pissed off today. Brett took me out to macdonalds and he started off being really nice, he brought me loads, and then he told me he was sorry but his ex wanted to get back together with him and she didn't want him even hanging around with me :(
I didn't cry or anything I just said ok, wished him good luck and he left. He txt me to say sorry afterwards while he was walking home and I am grateful he didn't dump me by text. But I eat when I'm depressed, I kept getting up for more, I wasn't paying attention like I normally would but I think I had 4 cheese burger meals with milkshakes, on top of my usual which I think you all know by now. I couldn't help it, I was sick. I had to go to the bathroom and vomit since I couldn't hold it in any more. I was out of money anyway, I came home and raided the fridge and I've been stuffing my face all day long :(
So now me Jess and Sarah are all single again, all dumped in the same week :( it's so fucked up. Jess will probably get together with her bf again I suppose, but where does it leave me? I don't want a boyfriend at the minute anyway, it's nice having all of you for now :P
Sarah's still binge eating I caught her in KFC ordering a twister, popcorn chicken and chips. I remember cuz I had the same :P
The scales at home aren't good enough any more. They only go up to 20 stone and I think they may have been giving me bad readings for the last few weeks, but they've reached the limit and won't go any higher. It's been amazing watching the reading go up and up but I have to stop. I've promised myself I'll start dieting as soon as I feel better. So probably as soon as I get a boyfriend who isn't already involved. Which is good news for you guys since that's gonna be a long time lol.
It's scary that I'm almost as big as my mum now, she's 24 stone which I've told you before. I've gained so much weight I'm visibly bigger than I was last year. None of my clothes fit from last year and I'm starting to find it a real pain in the ass to climb stairs or walk a long way.
Sue wants to go and get me laid on Friday night but I'm not sure I want to. I'm not sure I'll even manage to stop eating long enough to go out. I've been in a sort of sickly full coma since earlier at macdonalds. I don't know what I've eaten today, I wish I could say because it's more than yesterday easily. I feel sick again now I think I should throw up :(
I did vomit just now and it looks like so much food when you see it in the toilet, there's like, I don't know, well it's enough to fill the average bucket about half way and I'm still really full :$ I just can't stop eating. Why the fuck does my mum have to buy so much fucking food? You want to know what our weekly shopping bill is? An average week is about £3-400 and Christmas last year was about £1000 but our family chipped in too and there were a lot of people in. But that doesn't cout the takeaways I have that's another, er, maybe £70 a week. And I usually have someone treat me to things too so it's no wonder there's a never-ending supply of food.
I'm going to go now, I don't really have much else to say. I might be online this Sunday at about midnight so I might chat to some of you then. Remember I mean midnight gmt so you'll have to work it out ;)
Bubi for now
Ali
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
My Poor Belly :P
Thought you might like to know, I looked back on today when I posted the last entry a minute ago.
Today I've eaten:
4 eggybreads
6 sausages
a tin of spaghetti hoops
a bowl of crunchy nut corn flakes with a banana
a bowl of 3 weetabix
a pasty
a ham and salad sandwich
a blueberry muffin
a snickers bar
a rustler's cheeseburger
a fudge cake
a chocolate brownie
a mint cornetto
2 and a half helpings of spaghetti bolognase
4 slices of banana cake, 1 with ice cream 2 with cream
a chicken wrap
a chicken sandwich
chips
kung po chicken
egg fried rice
noodles
satay chicken skewers
another fudge cake
2 brownies
more noodles
2 peanut butter and chocolate spread sandwiches
2 satsuamas
a banana
If someone can work out the calories can they leave a comment? Lol it sounds so much doesn't it? It's a little more than normal because I usually don't have a Chinese and something from the Kebab house in the same night :P and mum doesn't normaly let me eat half the cake but she's put on weight and only had one slice. I think since she's getting fatter she can't have a go at me for it, she's not a hypocrite. Good news for me lol.
Bubi again !!
Boys and Girls
Hi everyone,
I had a great day on Tuesday, Brett took me to this really nice cafe for lunch. I've only ever been there a couple of times because it's out of my way, but he used to work there so the manager gave him everything half price :D
I wasn't actually very hungry, I'd had an absoloutley massive breakfast, I swear I almost puked :P so I only had a sandwich a pasty and a muffin. But I had a snickers in my handbag and I nibbled on that too lol. Then he wanted to go for a walk, but the place he wanted to go, it's like 2 miles away!! We cud'v got a taxi but he was still reeling from taking me out to eat all those times this week hehe. I said we should just go back to his place but he didn't want to, he said it was a tip. I don't care, he should know after all he's seen my room, but he kept giving me excuses.
I think he doesn't want me to go there, but I'm not sure why. He told me he lives with some friends but maybe he lives with his parents still. I can understand if he lied I do it all the time when I don't expect to see someone again or think it'll matter. And I don't mind if he does still live with them, I live with mine! But it does worry me that maybe he just doesn't want me to know where he lives. All I know is it's near Sarah. I really like him I don't want him to dump me but he has a history with his ex, the girl he just split up with and I'm worried he might go back to her. I mean he does at least find me attractive enough to make out with me, he's always kissing me and touching me. But his ex is really pretty. He showed me a picture of her and she's got a perfect complection not like mine :( and she's thin. Not stick thin but no more than 10 stone. I don't think Brett has a problem with my weight but if he's anything like a normal guy he'll prefer a skinny girl so I'm a bit worried :(
Anyway we went to my house and made out in my room for about an hour, I'm amazed it didn't turn into sex, but he was either being a gent or I'm right to be suspicious. It's hard to tell without being upfront and I don't want to risk anything by talking.
Jess e-mailed me yesterday, she's split up with her boyfriend A-Fucking-Gain! They're like a couple of squabbling siblings, they love eachother deeply but they fight over the silliest things. As usual she thinks it's the last time, but it's like the 15th so I'm not exactly taking it seriously, I'm just trying to be nice to her and console her like I normally do. She's wasted about £15 on the phone to me as well! You lot would probably like to know she turns to food whenever they split up and this time she's made herself sick on ice cream. She ate two 2 litre boxes in one night, can you believe her? I mean I can't manage that without puking up a major organ so it's no wonder she made herself sick. She can be so stupid some times.
Sarah's split up with George or whatever his name was, he said it wasn't going to work but he didn't give a decent reason he just wouldn't text her back or answer the phone. She's also like that, the last time she broke up with someone she gained a stone, and it's not like she looses the weight like Jess does. She's had 4 boyfriends and they've all added to her dress size. Since she's getting fat anyway I can see her ending up at 15 stone :( It's wierd to think I was that weight not long ago.
Some of you asked about Sarah, well I tell you. She doesn't know about feeders and feedees and foodees and that sort of scene. She wouldn't be intrested either, she's just a normal girl and she wants to be thin and beautiful on the cover of vouge magazine like nearly every other girl in the world. In a way I do too, and so do all my other freinds, but for me I'm happy to be fat, as long as a massive amount of guys want to fuck me. Ultimately I think that's what every woman wants, to have a million guys look at her and say "wow shes hot I wish I could sleep with her" and then a load of ugly girls wish they were her.
It's silly and superficial but I can't help it. If I didn't know how many guys liked fat girls I'd be depressed and think I'm worthless and ugly. I'd be desperate to loose weight and look pretty. I can see why so many women spend millions trying to look good. But it's not just looking good for guys, I want girls wishing they were me. It's stupid that I feel that way. I don't know how to express what I'm trying to say, I guess I'm trying to get accross that all I really want is to be thought of as pretty. And I think that's what all girls want. Silly really I know. I'm probably wrong but it seems that way to me . . .
When I was writing that last bit I got a text from Brett, he says he wants to come round but I'm not in the mood, I used the old headache excuse :P so I might meet him tommorrow. I feel more like eating now than making out anyway, and I'm certainly not in the mood to loose my innocence :P I might have lied before and said I've had sex but I don't do that a lot, in truth I've never had sex and only ever done a bit of kissing. I've touched a guys dick before but it was in his pants so I didn't see it :( but I got my boobs out for him which he enjoyed lol.
It's late, but I think I'm going to have a snack. I've decided I'm having 2 peanut butter and chocolate spread sandwiches, the left over noodles in the fridge with barbeque sauce, a fudge cake, two brownies and some fruit. Oh and there's crisps too and a big bottle of dr pepper in the cereal cupboard so I'll have those too. In case you're American crisps are chips, and chips are fries :P but we invented English (hence the name, duh to the guy who thought England was a place America invaded during the war) over here so it's up to us what things are called! I love America but some of you have been a bit thick when e-mailing me lol :P
Anyway that's quite a lot of food even for me so I'm going to have to make a start if I want to sleep before 2 lol. Night!!
Ali
Monday, March 27, 2006
Sunday (2 Posts!!)
Hiya,
I'm really happy today, I met up with my new boyfriend Brett, he's so sweet :)
I got up about 11 and had an absoloutley HUGE breakfast, I had 4 eggybreads, 6 sausages, 4 rashes of bacon, some mushrooms and then a bowl of cereal and a terry's chocolate orange. I had a lie down for a while and read the first few chapters of the beach. It's quite a good book, not enough food in it though lol! I could never survive without maccy d's and chocolate, I'd go insane :P !
We met in town at 3 and took a look around the shops while we chatted, I was hungry so we had a macdonald's and he paid. I warned him I was going to order a lot and he said it was fine. He had a chicken burger and chips, I had a big mac, a double cheeseburger, 2 fries, a muffin, a donut, an apple pie and a crunchie McFlurry with a sprite and a large strawberry milkshake. He finished and I just carried on eating. I wasn't worried about putting him off because I figured if he's not comfortable with my eating then it's not going to work, but he was fine with it. We were laughing and joking the whole time.
I left nicely stuffed but I wanted to sit down somewhere because I was too full for walking around again. We sat in a cafe but I couldn't resist one of thier muffins :P and we had a hot chocolate each. I felt a little sick afterwards, maybe I ate a little too much lol, but he was still perfectly cool with it. He wanted to go to the cinema but I'd made plans to meet up with Sue and Sarah, and I told him I was too stuffed to get up for a few minutes :P
He just laughed and said 'I bet you are' and suggested we got a taxi back to my place. I just managed the 20 yards to the taxi rank and we went home. I forgot to tidy my room and he laughed when he saw all the junk, including the 3 pizza boxes. I'd told him they were for me and my parents and he asked why they were all in my room. I told him the truth, that I'd eaten all of them and he laughed and congratulated me. He didn't think it could be done :P
I haven't told him anything else yet I don't want to scare him off right away, but we got on the bed and I had my first kiss in about a year (unless you count Jess lol). We made out for a few minutes and he rubbed my stuffed belly. I didn't ask why I just assume he must quite like it. He felt my tits a bit too and tried to get his hand between my legs but I wasn't comfortable with it so I sort of clenched up and he couldn't get his hand between my thighs lol. It felt so nice getting intamte with a guy after so long, I feel so good now :D
Anyway he went home and now I'm going to meet with Sue, Sarah's coming later, and we're going for a few drinks :)
Bubi 4 now
Ali
(I wrote these in word and didn’t have time to post them so this is like two updates about the same day) :)
Hi all,
It was about half 9 and I was still out with Sue and Sarah, I was a tiny bit drunk and and I'd just finished a quater pounder, chicken wrap and chips and I was about to call it a night and go home for some cake, when Brett rang. He asked what I was doing and I told him. I was worried he was going to turn out to be one of those guys who won't leave you alone, the type who rings if you don't text back in 5 minutes and gets worried if you don't call all the time, but luckily he was just seeing if I wanted to meet up :P
I asked what he had in mind and he said there was this Italian restruant he wanted to try, and I told the girls. Sarah was hungry but Sue wanted to go home since she had to go to work in the morning. I wasn't hungry but that's never stopped me right lol?? So Brett booked a table for 3 and we all met there, luckily at the right time. I'm not a good time-keeper but I was lucky today, and Brett seems to be good at it :P
The restraunt was practically empty, just a few couples and this big party who were probably there for mother's day, judging by the old lady who was fast asleep in the corner lol. Oh and to avoid pissing mum off I got her flowers and chocolates.
Brett insisted on paying again, he's such a gentleman, and we ordered. Since I'd already eaten and this was a respectable place I didn't go all out and say "yes please" to the menu :P I just ordered some garlic bread to start and spaghetti and meatballs :) Brett got one of their pepper pizza thingys and Sarah had lasangne and salad.
Sarah doesn't usually get on with my boyfriends, which is fair enough since I rarely get on with hers lol. But they did actually get on great tonight, it was such fun, we were joking all night :) When the bread came it was gone in seconds :P and Sarah did rock paper scissors with me for the last piece lol, I won, not that I need it :P I should have let her have it, she's got a lot of catching up to do to reach my weight.
I let them do the talking while I scoffed down my spaghetti, I made a mess on my new top :$ but I think it'll wash. I noticed my top was riding up, and I couldn't even tuck it in since my jeans were waaay too tight. My flab was pouring over the top of the button and you could see loads of my stretchmarks :S I just had to let it come up and expose my roll. Brett saw it and said 'woah' and asked how I could be that full on just half a bowl. Sarah told him I'd already eaten at the kebab shop. He just laughed anyway. :)
I finished my bowl, then finished Brett's pizza because he couldn't eat all of it. Sarah was really packing it away, and she ordered 2 desserts which is unlike her :P Brett said he was too stuffed to eat any more but said he'd still pay for dessert. I got fudge cake and ice cream and after that I ordered an eclair surrounded by these profitterol thingys. Sarah got the ice cream sunde and the eclair too.
I was so fucking stuffed lol! I couldn't bear it any longer and undid my jeans, my belly just poured out onto my lap. I patted it and pulled my top down over it. I felt ready to burst lol :P
But Sarah suprised me, she kept swallowing to hold it down and was rubbing her stomach. She kept leaning forwards for a moment and then leaning backwards to make herself comfortable. I remember I used to do that, but now when I sit down I'm sort of limited unless the chair's extra big lol. Eventually she sighed and groaned 'uuurrrrrr' and suggested we went home. She looked pretty uncomfortable but she was still happy and smiling lol :D
Brett paid like he said he would, even though it was nearly £60 and we got a taxi to Sarah's. It was nearly midnight and I was going to stay at Sarah's, Brett only lives a few minutes walk away so it suited evereyone :) . In the taxi Sarah undid her belt and we laughed, she had more stretchmarks than me :P I was mostly laughing because I saw her knickers though and they were a silly pink pair with little hearts on them.
I think Brett enjoyed himself most of all, being in a taxi with two overwieght young ladies with thier stomach's packed full of food and their jeans open :D
Do I do too many smilies? Probably :P :D :$ :) hehe...
I just got into her spare bed and slipped into the land of dreams lol. I dreamed I was on holiday in
I got up this morning and went easy on Sarah's fridge, I didn't want to be rude and eat everything hehe. So I had a bowl of cereal and then got the bus into town and had a macdonald's breakfast. I had the breakfast bun, a sausage and egg mcmuffin, two hash browns, a donut, a muffin and a hot chocolate. I ran out of money or else I'd have gone for more lol :P they just don't do enough at breakfast do they?
Anyway that's it, I've just been eating chocolates and cake in bed all day ;) lol I love my life. I've text Brett but he's working so we might meet tonight. I've pretty much skinted him but he's offered to take me somewhere cheap lol. We might see a film, only problem is I always finish my snacks before the film starts lol. I usually get up twice in the film for food and then more times for the toilet. When you eat most of the day you have to spend a lot of time on the toilet :P. Anyway until then I'm just going to lie in bed eating ;P lol.
Hugs and sloppy kisses,
Ali
Saturday, March 25, 2006
On the Pull
For the last month or so since I started this blog I thought about seriously trying to beat my old record of eating. In case you forgot that record is 2 15" pizzas AFTER already having a half pound burger and loads of fries (I did it on a dare). It did take me a while I'll admit but I was eating practiacally non stop for about 2 or 3 hours (I can't remember that well now lol). I drank a lot of lager and I was fairly drunk but I remember it hurt like fuck and I remember clearly that the next morning my stomach really, really hurt.
Anyway I thought I could try and break that because since then I've gained like, I don't know, 5 stone maybe lol :P and I've been eating like a pig so maybe my stomach is bigger. Anyway yesterday my mum gave me a card from my birthday that fell behind the radiator until she cleaned, and it had £50 in it so I figured what the hell, I'd do it with that.
I'd already had another of my whopping breakfasts, I'd eaten 4 eggybreads, 4 sausages, a tin of beans and a few rashes of bacon, and then I had two bowls of crunchy nut corn flakes with a banana in each of them and then 2 peices of toast (jam on one marmalade on the other) before waddling back upstairs and eating another easter egg :P . I was so full I pressed my belly and I could feel my stomach was really hard lol! I did feel a little sick but not as much these days as I used to which I take as a sign that I really do have a bigger stomach :)
So then I thought I should push my limits, maybe it would loosen my stomach more, so while I was still stuffed I went back downstairs and while no one was looking I helped myself to 6 satsumas and 4 bananas and I took a rustlers cheese burger upstairs and a microwaveable chocolate fudgecake.
Just a reminder I have a micrwave in my room :P oh and a mini-fridge!
I had some fruit while the burger microwaved and then had the burger, then I had more fruit while the cake microwaved. I love these cakes, you just put them in for a few minutes and they come out with a lovely spongy cake underneath a thick hot layer of molten fudge :P and the best part is they're huge, they're like 10 inches across and 4 inches deep!!! I looked on the package and they say 597 calories per cake! Not so great for me but I love them anyway lol.
I finished the fruit and then I rested the cake on my lap. I'd locked the door because I'd gotten really hot and my clothes were all tight and uncomfortable so I was stripped naked (bet you all like that image lol), plus I didn't want my mum to come in and see what I was doing, with all the empty containers and wrappers around me. I looked at the cake, and it must be the first time in a very long time, I actually seriously thought "what the fuck am I doing, I really don't want to eat this". My stomach hurt, I mean it REALLY fucking hurt and I wanted to throw up but I dug into the cake and just kept eating. Every time I swallowed my stomach hurt more and more but I was actually getting turned on by the pain. It'd been, well I can't remember but a few weeks since I've cum unless I've done it while drunk, so I only had to rub myself a little to make my sheets wet. I'd nearly finshed the cake when food came rushing up my throat but I held it down by swallowing hard a few times, then I went right back to the cake.
When I finished I was finding it hard to breathe, like my lungs weren't quite big enough. I was sweating all over and my stomach was in total agony, it was swollen and hard but I was so turned on, I fingered myself and came really quickly, I made such a mess :P
Anyway as soon as the pain dulled down I fell right asleep and I didn't wake up until 4 when mum shouted that dinner was ready. I cleaned myself up as much as I could and wobbled downstairs. I forgot to take a bra and my breasts really hurt because they were bouncing on my belly as I went down the stairs. It's probably the first time I've forgotten since I started gaining this year and I'm sure my boobs have gotten bigger. I had a t-shirt on and that's gotten tight but it's not much support lol.
I wasn't hungry but my stomach didn't hurt much so I dug in anyway. Mum made toad in the hole, which if you don't know is when you cook suasages into a sort of dough/pastry stuff and bake it, and then there was mashed potato and veg. I had two helping, I didn't want mum to think I'd been eating all day and I couldn't really make room for more :P but mum was proud of me for not eating until all the dishes were clear. Have a guess what she'd made for pudding? Microwave fucking fudge cake. At least I only had to eat a 3rd of one but she'd brought out the thick cream and I couldn't resist, I love the cold cream on the hot fudge :D
I left the table and my stomach was bulging full again. I don't know if this is normal, but since my belly's started to hang down more, I find it pulls down on my upper belly where my stomach is, so when I stand up the skin pushes back on my stomach. So once I got out of the living room I lifted up my belly lol! I held it in a cradle with my hands as I went upstairs. I was sooo full!
If anyone has a big hanging belly can they do the same thing, stuff themselves and tell me if it helps when you support your belly :) I know it's a wierd thing to ask but I want to know, thank you!!!
I had another lie down and that turned into another sleep until 7 when I was woken because mum accidentally turned up emmerdale's theme tune to 50,000,000 decibles!! I watched a few episodes of the simpsons which I had on tape. I've got the tape "raiders of the lost fridge" and there's an episode where Homer tries to gain to reach 300 pounds (or 350 I can't remember) so he can qualify as disabled. I thought to myself that since loosing weight is almost out of the question, and I can't get a good job without better qualifications, that if I was big enough to be classed as disabled I could just lounge around all day and have someone do my shopping. And since they'd control my diet I wouldn't have to keep getting fatter. Unless, actually I could just call for a pizza or get tesco to deliver a million fattening treats for me lol. But it seems like a nice idea :P
I'm babbling I know I started off this post to tell you about my pizzas, well I'm getting to that.
Sarah called me and said we should meet up, it's a Friday night after all, which I'd forgotten, so Sarah wanted to go on the pull. She was seeing this guy for a few days but he expected her to loose weight so she told him to get fucked and that was that lol! So we're both after guys who like fat girls. Sarah's not too big she's 12 stone, thats er, 168 pounds according to my phone. But Sarah's a liar, so I'd say given the way she's bulging out of her clothes she's 13 or a bit more maybe. I think she's 185 maybe.
We did our usual pup crawl and by 9 I was starving hungry again (after all the booze) and I forgot I was going to have the pizzas so I ordered a mega-kebab and chips and ate that in about 5 minutes lol! Then I got a chicken wrap and we went to find another pub. I got ID'd for the first time since I was 16 and showed the barman my driver's licence and he was happy enough with it he served me. It wasn't that busy for a Friday night, it was raining pretty heavy most of the night so there weren't a lot of people out and we were chatting to him. He was quite fit, 20, blonde hair, but more Sarah's type than mine. His name was George according to his shirt but he had a nickname and I kept forgetting it lol. He was actually intrested in me. He must like fat girls, especially fat girls in tight wet clothes with chilli sauce down their cleavage :P
Sarah went to the toilet and I wispered to him that we were on the pull but he wasn't my type, he seemed to back up saying he wasn't really trying to pull he was just bored lol. I told him Sarah liked him though so he should try his luck. Sure enough we ended up hanging around until 11.30 when he finished (he didn't have to lock up) and we all headed home. Sarah was drunk by now and wanted to go home with him so they got a taxi and I felt like chips so I went back to the kebab shop. That's when I remembered the pizzas as I was looking at the menu. It was a long que, even when it's raining they get busy at chucking out time and there was this guy on his own waiting for an order, he looked a little sad so I figured what the hell. He seemed pretty cute, about my age with a few spots and a nice haircut :P and he was a little chubby which I like.
I asked him why he looked so down and he told me his girlfriend had just dumped him that night and gone off with this other guy. It seemed pretty cruel.
Now, I'm not exactly the brilliant seductress when I'm sober, let alone after 6 pints and a million milli-litres of spirit, but I tried my luck and went up to him, making sure my cleavage was in his full view (he had his head down a bit) and said "well maybe I can make up for that". Fuck knows how but he smiled and pretty soon HE was paying for my one of my pizzas 15". We're talking £15.99 of pizza here, but he's fucking loaded!! His parents are richer than mine!!
I think he was drunk too and I kind of took advantage of him, but I got three pizzas for the price of 2 lol! We swapped numbers and I got a taxi home because it was still raining and I was feeling too lazy to carry all that food home :P!!!
I snuck up to my room, stripped naked again, sat on my bed and started eating! I looked at the clock, 11.56. I savoured every mouthfull and ate slowly, trying to make sure I didn't swallow too much air. I think I still had a little kebab in me so after about a pizza and a half I started to feel full. I forced in more but after just 2 more slices I couldn't swallow, it was just too hard. My mum and dad were in bed so I snuck downstairs and took 2 cans of Fosters from the fridge and went back upstairs. My poor stomach was aching again, especially as I walked naked ;) lol.
I downed a can in a few gulps and almost puked, but pretty soon I was eating again. I just kept going and going and I had a few sips of lager and waited a few minutes before takling the next slice. At 1.13 am I finished the last slice :P I was really, really, REALLY FUCKING STUFFED!!! I couldn't move from the bed without food rushing up my throat and my stomach was really hurting. I just laid on my bed rubbing my stomach. I was sweating and I wanted to be sick, but on the other hand it was rather a turn on again. I couldn't cum; any amount of movement would have made me severely sick. I just laied back patted my tummy and passed out.
All in all Friday was fantastic, I ate tons of great food, I pulled a bloke for Sarah and I pulled a guy for myself, I got £50 of birthday money and my guy brought me a pizza!!! But this morning?
Well after I got the beers I forgot to lock the door again and since I didn't wake up my mum came in to see if I was ok. Luckily I'd gotten under the covers during the night but the room stank of food and sweat and there was 3 empty pizza boxes on the floor, some easter egg boxes, two fudge cake boxes and various other chocolate bar wrappers and crisp packets and microwave burger boxes. My mum had a fucking fit! She thought I'd been eating healthily for the last week or so, or at least just eating what she'd cooked. But my room was a mamouth mess of food containers. I could have explained it away as a few days worth but she'd cleaned my room Thursday night!
She's not done anything about it yet and I've had my usual breakfast and more today, and as I've been writing this I've had 2 easter eggs and loads of chocolate bars. But I'm a little worried she'll do something. I hope she doesn't though. She forgot about the swimming thing even though I'm still traumatised lol!
Anyway, I'm going to get on with lunch, I'm having cheesy pasta, an entire saucepan to myself slurp!!!
Fat Hugs and sloppy chocolate Kisses,
Ali
Sunday, March 19, 2006
My Birthday !!! YAY !!! I'm 18 !!!
Hi Everyone!!!!
Sorry I’ve taken so long to talk to you all, I’ve been a bit selfish lol!
I just haven’t had anything much to tell you all for the last couple of weeks, except on Wednesday I turned 18!!!! Also you probably want to know what I weigh, well after my birthday I’ve rounded off at just under 270 pounds :$
Anyway My birthday was ace, I got lots of nice presents, like a new CD player (which sadly I’ll never use since all my songs are on my laptop anyway) lots of money and some nice clothes. My mum got me some really nice clothes that fit but she also got me this really, really, REALLY nice dress but it’s a size 14. She says it’s an incentive to slim down. I don’t know what she’s thinking, on the average diet it’d take until the menopause before I could fit in it!
The best thing about my birthday was all the food and drink! I got totally hammered! And Sue and Sarah didn’t have any idea what to get me for my birthday so they made me a cake :)! And not just any cake, it was a fucking huge chocolate cake with loads of icing and three, count them, THREE layers of cake! Sue handed it to me when she came in the door and it weighed a ton. I’m amazed they got it in the oven lol!
And my mum had already made me a nice cake (she’d made it a little healthier, cut back on the sugar and used marg instead of butter, that sort of thing, and sadly made it smaller :( ) and my nan brought me a cake round!!! She hasn’t seen me since before Christmas I think and she was amazed I’d gotten so big. She doesn’t really care like mum though I mean she’s huge too lol! She’s nice to me anyway.
My mum made pizza on French breads, waffles, salads (because she’s still into healthy eating lol), cheese burgers (because I asked her to as she does really nice ones), and then lots of party food like Doritos and dips and sausage rolls and things.
I ate soooo much! I started off the morning with a full English breakfast which my dad cooked for me, 2 eggybreads, dozens of pancakes (well maybe not dozens lol) and toast and a milkshake!!! I was so full I thought I was going to explode! I had to go lie down in bed again for a bit while I watched a DVD (mum got me Serenity, I’m a geek I watched the TV show :) ). When I felt better I had an Easter egg (I should count, but I’ve taken down the boxes twice and right now there’s 4 boxes and room for a few more so you can probably estimate :$
I showered, got dressed and waddled downstairs again (I waddle now not sure if that’s a sign I’m actually seriously overweight ????) and that’s when Sue and Sarah turned up and gave me their cake!! (Which was the BEST!!!). Then my family started turning up (Oh I got up about 11 and everyone started turning up at about 1.30). We all had a good time, Sue was going to bring her boyfriend but he didn’t want to come, we don’t get on too well. He said once that he doesn’t like Sue going out with me because when we go out we get really hammered and she flirts with other guys. She doesn’t mean it but he won’t believe her. Anyway we’ve never got on since then. So there wasn’t really many people there, just my aunt and uncle, my nan and grampy, my parents (obviously) and Sue and Sarah.
Mum brought in the nibbles at about 2.30 and I don’t think I stopped eating until my memory fizzles out at about 10. Apparently everyone had a slice of cake each except my aunt (she’s a diet freak half the year, pig the other half) and my grampy because he has doctor’s orders (poor old guy :( ), and there was about half of Sue and Sarah’s cake and half of my nan’s left the next morning, so I think I ate about a cake and a half!! I’m surprised I didn’t die of chocolate poisoning!!!!! Sue said we went out for a drink for the night too and all the bar staff at our local were a bit pissed off because I made the mistake of telling them it was my 18th and I’ve been going there for nearly 2 years :$ . Also apparently Sarah got wasted and puked in a bin (unusual for her), she doesn’t remember it but Sue said she had too much cake, and then she went home. So me and Sue went to the kebab shop and I got a chicken wrap, a burger and something else she can’t remember but it wasn’t chips, I was off those apparently. But I’m never off chips lol!
Anyway it was a great night, I woke up the next morning with a headache, a sore throat, blurry vision, a serious stomach ache, sticky knickers (don’t have a clue why honest), a serious case of the shits (spent about an hour on the toilet that morning :$) and somewhere along the line I’d found a watch. I haven’t got a clue honestly I really hope I didn’t steal it. But It’s not like I was in a state where I could have taken someone’s watch without them noticing is it lol??
I finished what was left of the cakes on Thursday. I’ve just spent the last few days munching Easter eggs and the chocolate bars that go with them. I’ve been taking it easy since my birthday. Maybe its better that I don’t go back how I’ve been the last 2 and a half months. From Christmas to my Birthday and call that a day. But I can’t see that happening can you lol? I haven’t weighed myself since Thursday but I’ll weigh myself and update so you can all see what I weigh.
Thanks for all your e-mails, keep them coming. Sorry I’ve been so long to reply. Oh and I can’t reply if you don’t give me much to go on. And try and remember I’m not a feedee I’m just a big girl who likes her food lol!
Bubi for now!!!
Ali
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Mmmm, Pasta
Well I don't really have a lot to say to be honest. I haven't had time to get you your e-mails, sorry, but I promise I'll take care of it this week!!
I've just been snacking and eating all week. It's really weird, before, if I spent all morning eating chocolate and pastries and stuff, I'd be a bit full at lunch and only have one or two helpings, now I just finish whatever is cooked. I made my own pasta on Friday and cooked and entire saucepan full, I mean that's a huge portion and it'd feed about 6 or 7 people. I made it with a full pack of pasta tubes, two tins of chopped tomatoes, a pack of 8 sausages (you fry them first then chop them up and put them in) a big pack of mushrooms, 2 onions and 2 green peppers and some other things. And for the taste I threw in half a jar of mayonaise and half a piece of cheddar (grated first then sprinkled in and you wait for it to melt). Guess who didn't wait for her mum and dad to come home? I ate all of it to myself. I just kept getting up for more of it. I was totally stuffed and eventually my stomach was hurting like fuck but I just wanted more of it. I was even getting turned on so I don't know maybe I really am a feedee??!!??
Anyway I couldn't move for a while after that, I think it took me over an hour because I was into my 3rd episode of malcom in the middle (did anyone see sundays? What is dumber than Reese?? He's so cute, wish he wasn't so skinny lol!!!) so I think it was about an hour and 10 mins or something. My stomach really, really hurt though it was kind of annoying that I felt sick all afternoon. You know that feeling when you want to belch but if you do you're sick?? I had that until dinner at 5 (which I had 3 helpings of lol!!!! I'm soooo greedy!).
Anyway that's about it. I had the ususal Saturday night, lots of booze, lots of takeaways lol! And Sunday was kind of boring again. Monday was just another gorge fest lol! But it's not really worth writing about. Nothing I haven't told you already.
I had a comment in my last entry buy a woman named Angela, she really, really put me off my food. Now when I eat I keep thinking of being 400 pounds and not being able to breathe if I sleep the wrong way!!! I can't imagine that! It must be so horrible! I don't want to get that fat! Probably will though I suppose since I still eat even though I thnik of that! I'm just always fucking hungry! I've eaten a whole easter egg while I was writing this and now I want to go make brunch! I've been up 3 hours, in that time I've had 4 sausages, 4 eggybreads and a tin of spaghetti, two bolws of crunchy nut cornflakes and 2 easter eggs, and I'm not even a little bit full. I'm still hungry!!! How the fuck am I supposed to stop eating if I get so hungry it starts to hurt?? It really fucking pisses me off I don't get it!
Anyway, I'm going to do your e-mails later today! Bubi for now.
Ali
Thursday, March 02, 2006
CRAZY!!!
I must be honest, it's only recently that I've been eating like I've written about in my blog. I am a pig and I do eat what I like, but since the start of this year I've eaten like there's no tommorow and every day I seem to pack away more and more food. I actually ate EVERYTHING in the house yesterday. I ate all my snacks which was 3 brownies, a muffin and a pack of 4 mars bars, not to mention all my crisps I don't even know how many of those I ate. I had 2 tins of soup out of the cupboard, I had 12 eggybreads (Yes! 12!) and used up all the flour and sugar making pancakes and a cake (which I ate ALL of on my own!). I ate all the bread with sandwiches and toast (and my eggybreads of course), I had all the cocopops and all the shreddies AND all the weetabix. I finished those off with a full 4 pint bottle of milk and whatever was left in the other bottle (which was quite a lot). Then I had the 6 yogerts in the fridge. I ate a tin of buscuits and I had all the good ones out of my mum's quality street. Then I went out before my mum came home and had a go.
I went to macdonalds but I was way too full to manage much so I just had a double cheeseburger, fries and a milkshake. Then I met up with Sue and Sarah and got completeley wasted and ended up buying loads of chips, fish and suasages. Then we got even more drunk and I had a kebab and I remember eating so much I was sick, although to be fair the drink probably helped. I lost Sarah and Sue somewhere along the line but I think they may have been too embarrased to be seen with me.
I got a taxi home and my mum had such a go at me. My dad was pretty pissed off as well. I mean I finished off about £50 worth of food, maybe more, and I didn't even want to, I felt sickeningly full all day but I kept eating and I don't really remember why. My head's clearer today but I can't understand why I ate so much yesterday. I pretty much ate without stopping for the entire day. My stomach has hurt all day from the booze and the vomiting and probably from the abuse I gave it all day yesterday.
I don't know what to do, my eating is uncontrollable. I don't even think I want to do anything, to be honest it felt so amazing having my stomach full to bursting all day and still eating. I don't feel like eating at all today, my stomach is in agony and when I tried to eat some cereal (my mum went shopping, bless her) I felt like I was going to be sick for a few hours (I wasn't luckily!), so I'm going to make this a day to avoid food and see how I feel.
You must all think I'm crazy now, and yeah there's plenty wrong with me but I'm not changing lol.
Bubi for now.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
My Burgers (And my Ranting)
I've been enjoying your e-mails, thank you!! Some of them made me think. I really don't want to be fat and I really don't want to be dragging my belly along the ground when I'm 30 years old (or 20 at this fucking rate!!)! I just don't want to stop eating. If I was slim I'd make sure I got enough excercise to be able to eat what I want, but I can't do anything! I can't even run anymore, I tried, I just waddle faster for 10 seconds and then start to feel light headed and sick and I have to stop and rest for like 5 minutes. I might be the least fit person in Plymouth! Even my mum can do the housework and she's got another 6 stone on me. My stomach is also different to most people's, I can eat way more than all my freinds in one go and I get hungry whenever I'm not eating. Some of my freinds forget to eat all day and they don't realise it until the next morning, but if I go an hour without food I'd punch a nun just to get a fucking chip! And thinking of nuns, my love life's seen about as much action as a nun's honeymoon! It's not like I have high standards, I'll do anything to anything! But all the guys I meet (apart from all you guys I chat to) are total ass holes! The last time someone tried to get into my knickers I slapped them because I was only 14. And I was only about 12 or 13 stone so it was much easier for them to find my fucking knickers! I wish I'd just let him get on with it now!!!!!! I don't have any intention of dieting or excersising though so it looks like I'm just going to keep getting fatter and fatter.....
Anyway, that's enough ranting. I write this blog because you enjoy it, but I personally don't enjoy being a big fat grease ball who's going to wake up one morning and find she can't get out of bed!
Chat
I had this really good chat on Saturday night and I asked Gavin and he said it was ok to post it, because I wanted to share it with you all! I had a great time chatting to you all that night, I expected more to show up but those of you that did kept me entertained. I'll be online again next Saturday at the same time. Hope you enjoy this!!!
----------------------------------------------------
Gavin Windley: hi
zitsandsprinkles: hiya, i just got in, i'm a little drunkl ol
Gavin Windley: gdgd
zitsandsprinkles: whatchadoin?
Gavin Windley: talking to you and watching friends
Gavin Windley: you?
zitsandsprinkles: chatting, i have, er 6 ppl, less than i expected lol
Gavin Windley: yer but im obviously the most important out of them
zitsandsprinkles: if you say so lol
Gavin Windley: woooooo
Gavin Windley: soooo?
zitsandsprinkles: sooooo?
Gavin Windley: how old are you
zitsandsprinkles: im 18 in a few weeks, you read my blog dont u?
Gavin Windley: blog?
zitsandsprinkles: look at my profile and theres a link in it, is made it so i didnt have to tell all you guys the same things lol
Gavin Windley: sorry
Gavin Windley: u got any pics?
zitsandsprinkles: i'm not doing pics until i reali trust ppl, and thats gonna take a long time at this rate lol. i dont want them appearing in yahoo groups, nothing personal. soon maybe but not tonite. i dnt have any that arent of my face anyway and i'm not showing that, its all spotty! i've said all this b4, not now k?
Gavin Windley: its ok im sorry
Gavin Windley: and so wat spots are normal
zitsandsprinkles: yeah i know, i wasnt having a go, soz.
zitsandsprinkles: thanks
Gavin Windley: its ok i know
Gavin Windley: ok how can i get you to trust me
Gavin Windley: dnt care how long dnt care wat i have to do thats how hard i wanna be
zitsandsprinkles: well we'll just have to keep chatting 4 a while longer, you'll have to do the same as everyone else lol!
Gavin Windley: ok kool
Gavin Windley: so what do ya wanna talk about then
zitsandsprinkles: well thats up to you, i have a convo on everythin but the weather so
zitsandsprinkles: not the weather tho
Gavin Windley: ok erm you
Gavin Windley: lets talk about you
zitsandsprinkles: well thats a popular topic, u ask the kwestions
Gavin Windley: ok
Gavin Windley: u involved with anyone?
zitsandsprinkles: nah, too many ass holes not enough feeders lol
Gavin Windley: ooo i am
Gavin Windley: not an ass hole a feeder
zitsandsprinkles: i know what you meant lol. so what would you do with me if i was sitting on your couch with an empty belly?
Gavin Windley: well dat wouldnt do
Gavin Windley: id ask you wat ya weanted to eat and go get tripple the amount
zitsandsprinkles: lol, thatd be nice. what if i got too full, what would you do?
Gavin Windley: keep feeding ya
Gavin Windley: until u have to stop
Gavin Windley: but itd be up to you
zitsandsprinkles: aww that'd be no good lol. you'd just have to force me to eat, regardless of my limits lol
Gavin Windley: yeh i know i only sed dat just incase it was a bad thing ofcourse id force it
zitsandsprinkles: excellent, thats what i like to hear. i want to be forced to eat until i pass out!
Gavin Windley: hell yeh wouldnt stop
Gavin Windley: and look at ya before and after stuffings
zitsandsprinkles: i'd be much bigger trust me. i want to eat a whole 15" cake one day. i managed 8 slices of one my last birthday hehe
Gavin Windley: ill make you eat a 18" one
zitsandsprinkles: all of it? that'd make my stomach so, so full! i don't know if i could handle that???
Gavin Windley: i dont care ill make you
zitsandsprinkles: what if i was sick? what would you do?
Gavin Windley: i dunno the balls in your court then
zitsandsprinkles: i think you should keep forcing me, no matter what i say or what i do, you need to keep making me eat!
Gavin Windley: ok
Gavin Windley: will do
Gavin Windley: omg id love to do that sooo much
zitsandsprinkles: you'd make me sooooo fat. i'd end up too big to get out of bed. if i couldnt get up, how would you make sure i was looked after and that i cud still eat non stop???
Gavin Windley: id make a machine
Gavin Windley: and id make it in the room you were in so i could feed you at the time
zitsandsprinkles: what about all my folds and bed sores? would you want to clean all those while i was being fed. and if i'm eating non stop what else would i be doing non stop hmm? what would you do about that? what would the machine be feeding me?
Gavin Windley: itd feed you anything u want id aid to your folds and sores and i dont mind cleaning you up
zitsandsprinkles: aww thats so nice. how would it feed me a pizza? i'm such a greedy pig for pizza
Gavin Windley: well then if pizzas your faveorite id do it myself
zitsandsprinkles: could it make me eat blamounge? id love to eat gallons of that!
Gavin Windley: yeh sure
Gavin Windley: id do anything for you
zitsandsprinkles: what if i was going to die from being so fat and i had like a day to live. i'd want to see the beach, how would you get me there if i was like 100 stone??? and what would i eat on the way?
Gavin Windley: well if it was
Gavin Windley: and sice we goin to the beach itd be stuff like fish n chips
zitsandsprinkles: ooh nice. and ice cream? if i had to die id like it to be from my stomach exploding so how would you manage that?
Gavin Windley: stuff u untill u were full and then pippes that go into your mouth and heavy cream is kept pouring in
Gavin Windley: adn ofcourse ice cream
zitsandsprinkles: that'd be sooo cool
Gavin Windley: yeh it would
zitsandsprinkles: i'm gonna be that fat one day, its inevitable. when i am, you can come feed me cake and pizza hehe
Gavin Windley: ill be feeding you to get that fat
zitsandsprinkles: you could make me eat anything you wanted, i'd be urs for the night. my stomach would be at your command lol!
Gavin Windley: so i just get one night?
Gavin Windley: no more
zitsandsprinkles: depends how well you did. depends if you managed to make my belly so tight i got stretch marks in front of my own eyes haha
Gavin Windley: ok well ill succed i know
zitsandsprinkles: well don't get ahead of urslef, not til i have a place of my own when i'm a bit older. my mum wont let me out of her sight yet, shes so protective. and i'm sure u will, if you can make my belly ache that'll be good enuf
Gavin Windley: hehe i look forward to this
Gavin Windley: and wen u sed u dnt take pics of
zitsandsprinkles: you gotta bring some food tho so u better be a weight lifter, i can prob eat more in one day than u can carry
Gavin Windley: or i can be rich
Gavin Windley: order it over the phone delivery
zitsandsprinkles: and either, i have a peircing on my belly so my freinds would recognise it. and my face is ugly anyway, you dont wanna see it. when i have photos on here i might show u hehe
zitsandsprinkles: yeah that's a good idea, i'd cost you about £100 a day tho hehe
Gavin Windley: i dont care about faces im not one of those guys into looks its oersonality
zitsandsprinkles: aww thats sweet, but i dont like photos of my face. its so spotty. anyway u'll have a photo soon enoug, as soon as i know u wont show it on a yahoo group lol
Gavin Windley: i wont im seriously not like that
Gavin Windley: i dont wanna lose you
zitsandsprinkles: thats all i'm reali worried about, is that they'll be public property once i give them to someone, u know. specially if u use like win mx or something cuz i've had ppl download pictures with the title fat in them when on there lol. and thats sweet, i think i'll trust u lol
Gavin Windley:
Gavin Windley: thanks hun
zitsandsprinkles: so, i need some food. i've gone over an hour without eating now something must be done!!! what do you want me to eat?
Gavin Windley: the fattiest food you can find
zitsandsprinkles: i have a brownie, that'll do. its 450 calories and i've already had about 10,000 today lol. i spent more than normal but no more than 2000 i dont think hehe
Gavin Windley: kl
Gavin Windley: i gotta go in a sec
Gavin Windley: quite tired
zitsandsprinkles: thats ok me too, just waiting 4 evrione else to as well lol
zitsandsprinkles: have a good night, great talking to you.
Gavin Windley: im notgoin yet
Gavin Windley: 5 mins
zitsandsprinkles: it was pretty sexy, want me to post if on my blog or u wanna keep it between us?
zitsandsprinkles:
Gavin Windley: post wat on
zitsandsprinkles: yeah it's the best chat i've had all night!!
zitsandsprinkles: i got wet thinking about what you woud do to me
Gavin Windley: wow sure id be honoured to be on there
Gavin Windley: really wow
zitsandsprinkles: even with your name? i can change it on word if you want?
Gavin Windley: yeh u can use my name
zitsandsprinkles: aww thats so sweet. thanks, i'm going to post it, this was a great chat i really enjoyed it. you make me want to be a feedee.
zitsandsprinkles:
Gavin Windley: hehehe
Gavin Windley:
Gavin Windley: i enjoyed it too
Gavin Windley: and u aint ugly im sure your gorjus
zitsandsprinkles: aww thank you!!!
zitsandsprinkles: anyway, i dont know about u, but quater to 3 in the morning is a little late for me, i'm going to have to get some sleep lol
Gavin Windley: yeh same
zitsandsprinkles: great talking, i'll save this and post it tomoz. nighty night!!!
Gavin Windley: and jus quickly
Gavin Windley: so that if u feel im gna put
Gavin Windley: my fone no. is (deleted, soz)
zitsandsprinkles: ok thanks, but i'm not going to ring you. it makes me feel pretty safe about giving you a picture tho. bubi, see ya later
Gavin Windley: y wont u ring me
zitsandsprinkles: i'm just not like that. i like text and i don't like sharing my phone number. soz, reali. are you ok? can i still post this??
Gavin Windley: well if u rang me put private no. on
Gavin Windley: and yeh u can
zitsandsprinkles: ok, well i'll think about it lol. i wont post
Gavin Windley: gd
Gavin Windley: c ya smexy xxxxxx
zitsandsprinkles: smexy? well i'll assumer u meant sexy lol. night
Gavin Windley: yeh but its jjus my word for it
-------------------------------------------------------------That's it, if I have another great chat I'll put that up I guess lol.