Dec '08

Hi all,

First of all, sorry to everyone who's messaged me and never got a reply. This whole thing is at the bottom of my priorities right now (although it's often the only thing on my mind) and you're all really nice and all of you who message me say such nice things and it's just rude of me not to reply when I should. Anyone who emailed me on yahoo will get a reply eventually, if I can sift through the junk and find what you said in the first place :S

I've been writing my blog on my myspace page since I stepped on my laptop and broke it. I got a new one for Christmas and since I'm in need of it I was given it early, which is how I'm online now. Please go to my myspace page and I will add you, that should fill in any blanks you may have such as why I'm working somewhere else now.

myspace.com/alisonsgut

Anyway, what you all want to hear . . . 27 stone 1 pound. If you were expecting more then I should probably explain. I got really, really sick a while back. Thankfully I was off work but I was throwing up everything I ate and had the runs badly, I was freezing cold and shivering all the time. I didn't eat for about 3 days and barely drank anything and almost asked my mum to take me to hospital but thankfully I got better. I didn't eat much for a few weeks after that and lost even more weight and then caught fucking flu! I wouldn't say it was as bad as whatever I'd had before, but it wasn't good either. I think when you're big, flu can be worse for you than if you're a healthy weight. My aunt gets flu shots in the winter as her doctor worries that with her general lack of fitness she's likley to suffer respiratory problems. My mum has always been really bad with the flu too. I kinda had a hard time breathing, I felt like I'd been climbing stairs all day. I wasn't watching my weight but I know I got slimmer.

Last month dad wanted to go to Spain with mum for a break as he had holiday to use and a few grand put aside for a trip somewhere and they wanted me to come since I wasn't working. We spent two weeks in Marbella (south but I aint no good at geomography) and it was sooo nice to get away from England (even if we couldn't get away from the English). The weather was 'meh' but at least I wasn't cold. We ate out every night and I just pigged out all day. Even when we were in the hotel I was stuffing my face with treats lol.

Anyway, work is hard to find at the moment so when Amiee told my old supervisor at the supermarket that I wasn't working I was lucky to be offered a few hours on the bakery. And no, don't get the idea that I can steal buns throughout the day, I can't! I work 12 hours a week at the moment, 7 in the week and 5 on a sunday but it's fine with me.

Christmas is coming and as you may know, it's special to me in more ways than just one, and again I feel like gaining weight. At the moment, I am pushing hard to reach 30 stone by Christmas day. Money is good, I'm not working much, I barely walk at all and I can't seem to get enough to eat. It's about 9.45 as I write this, I'm sat at my desk surrounded by wrappers from fast food to cakes (and for some reason a curly wurly and I've gone off those, weird), my pyjama top riding over my large, stretchmarked belly. My stomach is packed with 6 crumpets, 2 buttered tea cakes and 4 microwave cheeseburgers and yet it's crying out for more and more. I'm fantasising about my body swelling and expanding and letting myself become immobile, all the while knowing I shouldn't . . .

I will update again soon, make sure you add me on myspace :)

Hugs and sloppy burger relish kisses, Ali x x x X X X x x x

I'll update this again soon but I'm off now.