Weekend

Hi all,

I’ve had a great weekend. Saturday I went for a walk on the moors. The weather was nice and I got really, really hot and sweaty. I wore tracksuit bottoms and a green tank top (which is a little too small and showed a little of my belly off). It felt great to have some fresh air and exercise, I don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve had a nice walk. We didn’t go far before I had to sit down on a log and catch my breath. Since I knew I’d be walking I had a fried breakfast, toast, cereal, 2 bananas and a 750g yogurt drink before leaving the house but I also really fancied a sausage and egg mcmuffin so we stopped for 2 of those (both for me lol). Of course I had 2 hash browns and a hot chocolate too. It didn’t take much walking before I’d worked up a massive appetite though and we drove to the nearest pub for something to eat and drink. It was about 1.30 and I usually don’t go more than an hour without food so my stomach was growling. I asked for the biggest burger they had because I couldn’t be bothered with the menu and what I got had 2 big burgers, bacon and a fried egg in it, with lots of chips on the side. I was impressed to be honest. I drank 2 pints but Henry was driving. He only had chips and salad. I’d coaxed him into eating a lot in the morning so I doubt he was hungry at all lol.

We went to the beach after that just for a stroll and I got a Feast from the ice cream shack. It’s been ages since I’ve had one, it was so good I had another one on the way back ;P hehe.

One thing I noticed while I was walking was how slow I’ve gotten. My thighs seem to roll over eachother and my belly bounces slightly against them. I pant as though I’m running as I waddle and it’s a real chore. I did enjoy getting some blood pumping though. My heart felt like it was going a mile a minute, I could feel it thumping in my chest. I sometimes worry about my heart, that’s why I’m looking forward to getting my exercise bike this week, it should help shift some cholesterol. I don’t even want to think what my arteries must be like.

That evening we went out for drinks and I got hammered. I remember shouting and laughing in the kebab shop to Amiee that I was allowed to order double this time because I’d done some exercise this weekend. It was supposed to sound ironic but I just came off sounding stupid and having a couple of guys stare at me like I’m loopy. I made myself sick at home because I ordered 2 kebabs, 2 cheeseburgers, 2 wraps, a small box of chicken and 2 fries. Not too much on its own but I’d drank about 8 pints and my stomach wasn’t in the mood. I was mostly sick in the toilet but got a bit on the bathroom floor which I had to clear up with a hangover in the morning. Henry was a bit annoyed because back at breakfast I’d promised him lots of sex (of course I wasn’t planning on getting drunk at the time). I remember giving him a drunken blow job and him complaining in the morning that I’d bitten him a few times lol.

Sunday we stayed in most of the day. I ate nearly everything in the flat though so Henry went to the shop for me at about 2. He came back with some deliciously fattening treats for me and for dinner I ate 4 of those small Chicago town pizzas, half a bag of oven chips, 10 jam donuts, 4 double chocolate muffins, 4 éclairs, 4 cream cakes, a Mississippi mud pie, half a cheesecake, 2 strawberry cornettos, a big bar of galaxy chocolate and a big bottle of cream soda. It felt so good to just sit on the sofa and gorge without lifting a finger, I loved it. It turned me on feeling the swelling pressure in my stomach as he rubbed his hand up and down over me belly covered by the t-shirt that’s now too small for me.

He cooked a pasta bake dinner for me that night, I had a whole baking dish and a little salad on the side and I took about an hour and a half to finish it. I felt like I was literally going to burst and he brought in a tub of chunky monkey ice cream for me. I carried on eating nearly the whole night, getting through most (but not all) of a 1200g chocolate gateaux, 4 cans of fosters, 2 meals from the Indian takeaway and a pack of 6 chocolate dessert pots (just the little ones). I only got up a couple of times for the toilet, apart from that I just spread out over 2 sofa seats and vegetated. I remember looking down at my huge belly, sweating and struggling for breath and thinking ‘this is the fucking life’.

Monday was a bank holiday so the weight watchers wasn’t at the usual meeting place, mum was invited over to one of the women’s house and she dragged me along with her. I’d had lots for breakfast again, this time the 8th made me pancakes and I lost count, so I was feeling even more sluggish and tired as we walked up the steps to her house. It was massive, like a fucking mansion. I wish it’d just been small then I wouldn’t have had to walk so far. The woman who’s house it was wasn’t very fat, probably only about 13 stone but short. I saw her son though, he was huge, I’m surprised she wasn’t making him join, he just walked through to get something from the kitchen.

There was only 3 other women, all about my mum’s age and I just felt awkward and a embaressed that I was the biggest one but the youngest there. They all had folders and mum got one for me (she’s paid for a membership without asking if I definitely want it, but it’s her money wasted so it’s her problem). I have a little journal I can write my food in too and a guide to tell me the ‘points’. It’s so gay. I’ll just make out I’ve eaten salad and fish and hope I don’t get weighed lol. Embarrassingly my mum had already said about my weight loss and how I’d put it all back on plus lots more so fast and one of them was telling me how weight watchers doesn’t make you do that because it changes your lifestyle, ‘it’s not a diet’ was something she kept saying which I found really annoying because that’s exactly what it is! She asked what I ate and I lied, so my mum interjected and told them what I’m really like. The kinds of food packaging she used to find in my room, the way I always eat loads at mealtimes, the way that one takeaway is never enough for me and I order 2 or 3 meals.

She asked what I weighed and I said I wasn’t sure, but I guessed about 30 stone. She said there’s a scale that’ll weigh me at the proper meeting so I guess I’ll be finding out soon. I felt all venerable and exposed even though they were really nice. I’m not sure I want to go back, there’s a proper meeting on Monday I will see how I feel. I’m curious to see how much I weigh though. Maybe I’ll freak them out by putting on loads each week ;D haha.

That damn bike isn’t here yet, I’m expecting it soon though. Perhaps today. I think I will be able to do a few minutes a day on it, I just need something to help make my legs and lungs stronger. It’s lucky I don’t smoke or I’d probably be unable to walk at all by now. I have a tiny bit of exercise to do today, I need to clean and tidy the flat and it’s pretty messy, then I think I will go back home for a bath and a chat with mum because I’m bored. The bath there is a little bigger than most, not huge, but it’s more comfortable to sit in. Mum will probably cook something nice and healthy. If it doesn’t fill me up I’ll just get a takeout on the way home lol ;)

Henry didn’t stay here because he had to get to work early to catch up on things so I’ve had a good night’s sleep but I woke up early and hungry so I’m on my 2nd bowl of cocopops. Plenty more where that came from hehe.

I’m off, I’ll write again next time I’m bored enough. Love, Ali x x x x x x x