Greedy pig :)

Hi all,

I wrote this on word as I've had a few and wanted to get the spelling right, hopefully it'll look ok on the page. Also had to cut and paste in a little bit from my phone.

Lately I’ve been all over the place. My life has been hectic and I’ve been confused by my feelings towards myself, my life and what I’m doing to myself with my weight gain.

I’ve done a lot of thinking, talked with a few people, and finally, in a desperate bid to make her feel better about her size, told my friend Sarah (in confidence) about my love of fat and my desire to grow. She was shocked and slightly disgusted I think, but that’s not the point. The point is I’ve decided I’m going to gain on purpose. I’m gaining weight pretty quickly as it is, and forcing myself to eat a little more feels so good and I doubt it will make any difference to how fast I gain.

Sarah’s always had issues with her weight and she can’t be happy until she’s a size zero, which is probably impossible since she’s weighed up to about 15 stone, and I don’t think you can tone your skin up after that. I know I’ll probably never get below 14 stone because of how big I’ve been. We were both a bit drunk and I was frustrated that she wouldn’t ask out this guy she likes because she thinks she’s too fat for him. I tried the ‘I’m bigger than you, and guys want me’ card, I tried the ‘just the other day Amiee got a date’ card (don’t know what else she got though), and eventually I just blurted out that recently I’d made myself fatter on purpose. She was confused, so I explained that I get a massive sexual thrill out of overeating and getting fatter, that there’s nothing else like it and I chat to thousands (exaggeration) of guys who love their girls huge. I did, in the end, convince her to text her cousin to get his number. However, now she thinks I’m mental, but promised not to tell anyone.

Back to the point of this post, I want to make myself fatter. My fantasy is to have a feeder force feed me all day long, no matter how big I get. The truth is that I hate being at all active, if it were up to me I wouldn’t walk anywhere, I wouldn’t work, I wouldn’t do anything but stay in bed, eat, watch tv, browse the net and play videogames (god knows how I’d deal with the toilet, but I’m sure a good feeder can work that out), so being so fat that I’m bed bound, something that once terrified me, is looking like something I want. It seems like my ultimate paradise. I realise that at points it’ll drive me mental and yes, it probably will shave a decade or two off my life, but I don’t think I care. I’m always changing my mind so maybe I will care at some point, but right now all I want to do is fill my fat belly.

I really, really want a feeder. I’m very shy and while I’ve met fat admirers and, possibly the odd feeder, I need someone who can make me massive. Someone with plenty of money, time and the ability to force feed me and bring me food for 16 hours of the day. Not to mention take care of me and keep me hygienic when I’m bed bound. He should be around my age, maybe up to 8 years older but no more, pretty fat and cuddly himself (if not at first I’ll put him on a special diet :P), loving, caring and devoted.

I want to make it clear that I don’t want this person right now. In a few years yes, but it’ll be a long time before I even need a feeder. I love my life right now and I’m going to make the most of it and have it last as long as it will. I think the most I can weigh before it gets in the way of my life as it is, is about 35 stone. That’s huge, that’s almost 19 stone away.

I should have mentioned, I was 16 stone 10lbs when I weighed myself, by now that number’s probably gone up a bit. I think that over a stone in my first month is pretty good (especially when it wasn’t really intentional) but I don’t know whether I’m going to keep that rate up so I’ve no idea how long it will take me to get to 35 stone.

I’d really like to hear from everyone who reads this for your encouragement, and I’d especially like to hear from anyone who fits the description of my feeder :P lol. All my fans (I like that word :P) can send me a myspace friends request.

http://www.myspace.com/alisonsgut

Please remember I don’t put pictures up on any page, but I’m getting more confident and I might send some of you something when I trust you enough. My myspace isn’t my usual one, I didn’t want to involve my friends and family in this so it’s a special one. As of writing this I only have 1 friend and he’s a random guy with spiky hair who was on a friend adding spree lol. I want to add everyone who reads this. You can also get me on my email or on Yahoo messenger: zitsandsprinkles@yahoo.co.uk

But I don’t go onto messenger much and I might take a while to reply to your email. I will though, as long as you write more than just ‘uh, hi’ lol.

Anyway, I’m getting a lot rounder. My pot belly is hanging right down and it feels so good! My jeans are almost all too tight, but I threw on a pair last week and went into KFC to order a family bucket and a zinger wrap, just the jeans, my green tanktop and a pair of trainers. My belly bulged right over my waistline, my tank top didn’t come down far enough and my muffintops must have looked enormous and I felt so damn sexy! I got a couple of teenagers staring at me and I felt so naughty! I know they were probably thinking, ‘what a fatass!’ but even that’s a compliment to me! :D I felt so greedy and naughty as I waited for my big meal. I wasn’t hungry, I didn’t need it, I just wanted it all because I’m such a greedy cow! I drove out to a little car park overlooking the harbour to scoff my meal and felt soooo good unbuttoning them. I waited a little while after finishing, then drove home. They dug in between my legs as I got out and they’re really uncomfortable now so they’re banished to the bag of stuff I’m going to take to the charity shop :)

Yesterday, rather than eating all I wanted, I decided to eat all I could manage. I kept a food diary for you all :D

7.20am Breakfast: 1 bowl crunchy nut cornflakes, 1 bowl coco-pops, 4 sausages, 2 rashes of bacon, 2 fried eggybreads, 2 potato waffles, 4 set yogurts, frijj banana milkshake

8.30am, snack: blueberry muffin, apple, twix, cup of tea

9.10 – 10.30am, snack: snickers, twix, mars, quavers, skips, hula hoops, dr pepper

10.30am break: ham salad sandwich, sausage roll, pork pie, chocolate croissant, coke

11am - 1pm, snack: mars, twirl and hula hoops

(a little break, to make sure there was room for my lunch)

1pm, lunch: Large subway meatball and cheese sub, big mac meal with chocolate milkshake, apple pie, 2 custard donuts, 6 sugar coated donuts and a banana

2pm, snack: cheese twist, coke

3pm, break: salt and vinegar crisps, yorkie

5.25pm, snack: maccy's cheeseburger meal with a coke

6.30pm, 1st dinner: regular sized Hawaiian oven pizza, oven chips, microwave chocolate sponge cake with chocolate sauce and double cream

7.30pm, snack: angel delight banana whip with sliced bananas, sprite

8pm, snack: medium sized vanilla cheesecake

9.30pm, 2nd dinner: kung po chicken, peeking pork, prawn toast, satay chicken, fried rice, honeycomb ice cream, sprite

10.45pm, snack: ben and jerry's phish food (half a regular tub)

11.20pm, snack: 1 large trifle

12.30am, supper: peanut butter and chocolate spread sandwich, 4 pack of chocolate desserts, hot chocolate with marshmallows and a pack of chocolate hobnobs

To be honest I went a bit overboard and was spurred on by writing the list on my phone :P so I tried to populate the list as best I could lol. I never got painfully full but I didn't get hungry, only a little around midday.

I'm doing my best to get some healthy food in me too and that wasn't a good example of that, it was however a good example of trying to gain as much weight as possible :P haha!

I'm loving this, right now I have a chocolate gateau meant for 8 people and I'm almost done and I'm not even properly full yet! I'm such a fat piggy ;P bet you're loving this too!

Hugs and xx's (and apologies for such a massive post), Ali x x x XXX x x x