Weigh in . . ?

Hi all,

As you know I've probably put on a few pounds since moving out to live on my own, but I wasn't sure. Since being put on a diet I got down to my lowest in about 2 years of about 14 and a half stone, though it may have been a little more or less, I'm not really sure. Come to think of it that's a weight loss many girls dream of, almost 10 stone in just over a year, seems odd to think of it that way. Anyway, when I just gave in and started pigging out again the scales were at about 15 and a half stone though I'm not 100% sure.

I know I've gained since then as clothes have gotten too tight and I just feel heavier and more out of breath than before, but I don't really see it on my body. Maybe I'm already too fat to notice it :P lol.

I've eaten more or less constantly all week and done no exercise whatsoever. The farthest I've walked this week was from work to the nearby shop, which is no more than 30 meters. Even that was to buy sweets and chocolate :P I tend to eat all day at my desk and even eat in my car (though not when I'm actually driving), I eat all the time I'm at home and when I've been out for a drink recently I tend to have crisps or pork scratchings, followed closely by a large takeaway meal. On Wednesday I had Chinese, I only went in to order a chicken chow mien and chips but came out with those plus satay chicken skewers, prawn toast, sweet and sour chicken balls and egg fried rice.

Sarah is the only one who knows how much I'm eating, my mum would flip out. My boss just asks that I don't make a mess but she probably knows that I'm a compulsive eater. Sarah thinks I'm a bit crazy but says if I have no problem with being obese and I honestly don't care about the future health risks then I should do what I like.

Although she can't get her head around the idea that fat isn't such a bad thing. She thinks that being fat is horrible and she needs to be size zero. The number of times I've told her about the guys I've met on the internet and she's just refused to listen to me has just made me give up. It's sad to me that she feels the need to change herself to be happy and can't understand how I can be so happy yet get further and further away from the bodily ideal that's been smashed into her skull with a sledgehammer. I am who I am and I'm happy with myself. I wish there were someway to help the brainwashed bimbos and the girls like Sarah who torture themselves with diets and exercise.

Anyway I'm getting side tracked. Sorry.

So eating is becoming the biggest thing in my life right now, which, while plainly fucked up, is probably what most of you want to hear. Maybe you're all fuck ups too?

I don't have any problem with that anymore. My mum's gonna try and sew my mouth shut but other than that I'll be fine.

So, I was at home last night for some more tasty home cooking, I'd eaten a little extra because I'm not allowed junk or snacks while I'm there, so I was rather stuffed, and I waddled up to the bathroom for a good shit. Nice image isn't it? Since I'm being graphic, I undid my top button, which was digging into my fat, overfull gut, and let my skirt drop to the floor. I sat down, my legs now spread open by my pot belly in between them, and let rip.

Sorry, I'm in an odd mood.

I held the sides of my belly and thought about what a fat greedy bitch I was, mentally punishing myself, when I figured I'd better hop on the scales.

I wasn't shocked at all; if anything I was expecting more. You want to know?

Tough shit.

Like I said, funny mood.

I've kept it secret for this long it won't hurt you to wait a little longer. Besides only a couple of you email me and no one chats with me anymore so maybe you don't care?

I'm getting my own scales, I want digital ones and I know where I can get a set which matches my bathroom that go up to 20something stone. 25 I think, can't remember without looking at the catalogue.

Anyway, I'll let you all get back to whacking over the video hoares on youtube :P

Don't be offended by my mood, it's brought on by my mum’s nagging and exacerbated by a 4 pack of Budweiser with my Hawaiian pizza for lunch. Plus I'm gassy and that pisses me off.

I’m not at work today, as you may have guessed. Mandy is working with her husband and shut the office for the day; she’s taking any calls on her mobile so gave me the day off. I don’t know if I’m still getting paid :S hope so! She could have hired someone better than me by advertising for an experienced receptionist so I hope she’s happy with me. That’s such a good job! Not that I’m complaining about a day off. I’m going to have a couple of litres of ice cream now and see where I go from there. Don’t think I’m gonna stop eating at all today :S

Bubi for now, Ali x x x x x x x