Another Sickie :P

Hi all,

Last Firday (umm, before last) I took another sick day as I still didn't feel 100% and Mandy said it was ok. I stayed in bed most of the morning, everything ached for no apparent reason, so I took that as a sign to rest. I ate like usual, only I made myself a lasanga with lots of veg, and added a satsuma and apple to my KFC lunch. I think I just had a cold without the yuckiness :P lol.

I went for a little drive after lunch to take in some of this lovely early summer when the rain kicked in :P so I filled up at the petrol station. I got to the counter and realised several things. a) fuel is fucking expensive, b) my lunch didn't fill me up, c) my purse was almost as empty as my stomach and d) my belly is so big its crushing the stand of crisps in front of the counter.

I paid £40 and it wasn't even full (the car, not my belly :P), and that was almost all my cash gone. Luckily I had another 200 in the bank so I was still going out, but it drilled in just how expensive my pigging out really is. On top of the 40 I'd spent almost a tenner on snacks while in there and the bag seemed so small :( only got a few chocolate bars and 3 packets of crisps.

As my tummy began to growl I broke my rule about eating while driving, but it was rush hour so there was plenty of waiting around.

Me, Sarah and Amiee went out for a few drinks, Amiee tried to set me up but nothing happened, the next thing I know I'm wasted, £50 is gone and my belly is packed with curry. Saturday was only a little better, with one guy all over me in a nightclub, who was so drunk he went and got lost somewhere and I didn't see him again.

So I'm still fucking gagging for it!

That said, things are looking promising, I have a date on Sunday :D more on that later.

Saturday I did have a good meal at home though, mum made steak pie and mash with veg, I ate sooo much!

Sunday I went over for lunch and had a roast chicken dinner, mum had made 2 for the 3 of us and I think I ate 1 to myself :P hehe. I then went to weigh myself, you ready? 17 stone 2 pounds! A very good gain if I do say so myself. I do think I need to subtract the weight of an obese chicken though, haha! However that was over a week ago now so we'll have to see what I am now ;P

Sunday night I just pigged out like usual, I got so full of choclate that I felt a little sick :S I did however go back to work monday and worked all week.

My problem right now is that I'm pretty skint, and worringly, the car has a grinding noise, don't know what it is but I bet it's going to cost me! So, the gain is still on, but I can't afford to splash out so much of my wages on food. It's sad I know but I have no choice :(

I'm still eating too much and I know I'll have put on more weight, but I've been taking it slowly, just to let my bank balance stay in credit. I was becoming obsessed by overeating. I was back to my old mentality of 'eat until it hurts' rather than 'eat until I'm full', only this time I've been driven purely by my sexual desires rather than filling a void. Ok, maybe a little of it is suddenly being free, being a proper adult (well, almost).

I didn't want to do a blog or reply to emails, I don't buy extra just for the sake of stuffing myself, I just eat what I want. And I'm still powering through about 6000 calories a day lol :P

Well anyway, I got paid last week and I'm planning a 'feeding schedule' lol :P Basically, this is my eating plan for the future. This isn't just to do with my desire to put on weight, this is my timetable to make sure I eat a healthy balanced diet every week. I probably felt ill recently due to my diet, it's unlikely to be a coincidence that I've gotten lethargic and sick as my diet's lacked goodness, only to pick up again when I've cut down on fat and salt and gotten more fruit and veg. So with this I can make sure that I can fulfil my dreams of becoming huge and stay as healthy as possible.

As you know I'm lazy, so if anyone wants to write up a schedule for me they're welcome :P Otherwise I'll have done one by the time I post again.

I'd like to say, to anyone reading this and thinking that I'm deluded by 'feederism' into thinking I can be fat and healthy, that I am not at all deluded either way.

To start with, there are no direct links between obesity itself and the illnesses its supposed to create. It's more likley that the high fat, salt and additive content of the foods which contribute to obesity in the poor are causing health problems. After all, diabetes for one is about sugar production and can be brought on in underweight and 'normal' pepole simply by having a bad diet. It's just unfortunate that obesity is seen by many in the medical community as a scapegoat. Even my gp has put everything down to my weight, including tonsilits (I know!) since I got to about 20 stone last time I gained she practically assumed everything was weight related. Thank god I never got cancer.

However, I accept that being overweight really isn't ideal for the human body and carrying this much excess fat is going to get unhealthy as the years go on. I know that realistically I can expect to face things like high blood pressure, high cholestorol, pressure on joints, polysystic ovaries, breathing difficulties and possibly reduced mobility. I'm prepared to deal with all those things as they come, but I know I'm too young to be thinking about immobility and while I see it as a possible eventuality, I don't want it anytime soon.

I'm also unwavered by the idea that guys only want skinny chicks and that only thin people can be beautiful. I've met so many lovley guys (and in contrast an equal number of tossers) on the net that I know guys like meat on their women. I know some may want thin girls, but I doubt it's the majority. Most decent guys aren't fussy either way, but many prefer women to be big. Either just girls with a few extra pounds and a bit of a belly to women who need two seats on an airplane and can't visit the top floor of old buildings. Everyone has their own idea of what's beautiful, and it's a shame that people will always dig at other people's preferences. I'm open minded to people's ideas of what's beautiful and sexy, even if I can't see it. Recently online I met someone who takes immense sexual pleasure in the fact that his anus has prolapsed from the various things it's had up it over the years. Needless to say our conversation was short, but I can accept that it makes him happy, I shouldn't be knocking it.

My own ideal guy would be the type most girls wouldn't go for, but it doesn't mean only I want him. In case you're interested, Mr Right has long hair, dresses casual even for something fancy, has a big round beer belly, loves me even when I'm a bitch and wants me to get fatter, but will also give me help and support when problems occur. He should also have a creative skill of some kind, musical, literal, intellectual, or just being the greatest lover of all time ;) One other thing, he should also be able to drink alongside me and still get me home when I'm paraletic. Sarah manages it without having to lift me so theoretically that shouldn't be a problem.

Anyway, I'm droning on and on, sorry. Like a couple of weeks ago, I'm off ill. I don't know what it is, after a week at work I seem to deteriorate :P not that my job is hard mind you. I began writing this blog ages ago, that's why it kinda begins where the last entry left off, but I've only now had time to finish it. Hope you're all still enjoying this rantathon.

Bubi for now, hugs and calorific kisses, Ali x x x x x