My Diary

Hiya,

I brought my laptop with me so I thought I’d make a diary and then post it to my blog afterwards.

Sunday 19^th

I had to get up early today to be ready for my train so my mum woke me at half 8 and she’d already prepared a full English breakfast for me. Mmmm, it was so so nice. I had 2 sausages, 2 fried bread, about a tin of beans, a fried egg and 4 rashes of bacon. I had it in bed and then sneaked into the kitchen while mum was eating hers and got a bowl of cereal and 4 slices of toast with butter and marmalade. I ate those really quickly because I didn’t want mum to see how greedy I was being and then I had my shower.

My mum is around about 24 stone, so she has a stool in the bath for when she takes a shower, and I take full advantage of it. Lol. I get so tired after a few minutes standing up in there it’s nice to sit down. I can’t reach my back and it’s a real pain to reach anything else so I use her sponge on a stick. It makes it all so much easier. And I usually have my shower after breakfast so I’m usually really bloated and full so this is so much better.

After my shower (took me about half an hour lol) I finished packing my suitcase, I have one of those wheelie ones, and got dressed. I couldn’t pick anything, all the nice warm clothes I have are too small now. I can’t get the top button done up and some of my tops ride up and show off my belly. I eventually settled on my sweatpants, a pair of tracksuit bottoms to go over them, a t-shirt and a jumper and my fleece coat. My bottoms and coat were really tight. It was a little uncomfortable but a hell of a turn on lol.

We left early because it’s my gran’s birthday and we went to see her in Exeter first for an hour and then I got my train from Exeter St. Davids. I got on and found my seat, this kind man helped me put my bag on the shelf but he stood by a little impatiently as I took my seat by the window. I was at one of those tables and I could barely fit in with my big belly. It was so tight my belly poured out over the table top. None of the other passengers said anything but I knew what they were thinking. They were thinking I’m a fat greedy pig lol. And that’s ok because I am.

I was disappointed by the first announcement, it wasn’t a delay, it was just that the effing buffet car wasn’t serving!! I was looking forward to that. Luckily I’m one of those people who thinks ahead and I had two sandwiches, a strawberry milkshake and a multi-pack of mars bars in my bag. I had a sandwich and 2 mars bars and by the time we were in Somerset the buffet car was running again. Yay! The guy next to me was annoyed again as I got up and waddled down the isle. Only because I took so long to wedge myself out of the gap. I can’t believe how tight they make them, I mean there are bigger people than me out there lol!

They had these delicious looking muffins, so I got 2, and I got a Cornish pasty, a packet of hula hoops, a bottle of Dr Pepper and a flapjack. I went back to my seat and annoyed the guy again. He didn’t say anything, he was trying to be polite, but I could tell. Still, I didn’t bother him again I just sat there and munched on my snacks for the next 3 hours lol.

I got off the train at Reading because my friend Jess (well, her mum) was picking me up and taking me the rest of the way. I had to walk soooo far, it really pissed me off. I had to do three flights of stairs (one up, one down and one up again) and then get to the underground car park outside. I’d finished my mars bars and I though about getting more in the newsagents at the entrance but let me tell you, 6 mars bars can put you off chocolate for a while. My stomach was churning from all the caramel and nougat so I managed to walk past. Jess picked me up and we drove to Aylesbury, that’s where I’m staying for a few days with her.

I haven’t seen her since before Halloween and she noticed I look much bigger. She said it’s easier to notice from a distance but I didn’t look bad. She wasn’t trying to make me feel bad, and it actually made me feel sexy lol, but she kept apologising trying to say I’m not fat, which is ridiculous! I’m massive and I’ll eat anyone who says different lol!

We had dinner, her mum made shepherd’s pie and peas and I had three yummy helpings. I wish she’d told me she was making dessert because I didn’t leave any room, I stuffed my belly so full that when her mum said she’d made trifle I almost died! Jess’ mum makes the best trifle in the world, she even makes the custard and the jelly. She didn’t make a massive one which was a godsend or I might have eaten until I exploded lol. I did manage a big bowlful though and after an hour watching Shaun of the Dead I had another big helping.

Then we went down the video shop and rented out Boy Eats Girl. I’m sick of zombie comedies now, they weren’t bad but they just got boring. If it had been Girl Eats Everything it might have appealed to me lol! Jess wasn’t hungry but I really wanted some pizza so I got a small 9” pizza with the works on it to eat while we watched the film. I also got an absolutely HUGE party bag of popcorn which I had to eat almost on my own because Jess is on a diet. Poor girl. She hardly eats anything, I must eat more than she does all day in one go! And we finished off the night with some Neapolitan ice cream (is that the one, with the three flavours or have I spelled it wrong, I’m using word to write this and that’s the spell checker). Again I had to finish most of it myself.

I’m sleeping in a sleeping bag tonight, can you believe it? It’s tight too!!! I still have room but I can hardly turn over in it or spread my thighs! I’m writing this as sneakily as I can so Jess doesn’t see what I’m up to, it’d be hard to explain after all.

Anyway, I have big plans for tomorrow. My poor tummy’s in for a real workout! Lol.

Monday 20^th

Today started off ok but I overdid it. I was really stupid.

We all got up at 9 but I was tired, I didn’t get a lot of sleep because all that ice cream kept me up for a while, I couldn’t lay down how I usually like too because it was mostly liquid in my stomach and I was worried I might be sick if I laid on it. So I just went down for some breakfast and then went back to bed. I had 2 bowls of crunchy nut corn flakes but Jess doesn’t have very big bowls like I’m used to so I went back upstairs still a little hungry. Plus they only have semi-skimmed milk which isn’t as nice as full fat. Breakfast is usually a huge meal for me but I kept it small, I’m a guest after all, I shouldn’t be eating them out of house and home. Anyway I had another hour in bed. I don’t normally dream when I’m just taking a nap but I had this weird dream that I was in a restaurant and they kept serving me these weird foods. I didn’t order them, I remember looking on the menu and there were all these things I’ve never heard of before and when I ordered they brought me something totally different. I didn’t like what they brought me either. And when it got round to dessert Jess came upstairs and tugged me out of my sleeping bag. I don’t know what dreams mean, but if I had to guess I’d say that was about disappointment, which is strange because I never expect much out of life, so I’m rarely disappointed.

She complained I was too heavy but it only made me laugh.

I am in a pretty bad mood as I write this but I was happy most of the morning.

I was starving hungry again by the time I’d had a shower and gotten dressed. That reminds me, my clothes were even tighter. I think I’ve gained another 5 pounds but it might just be the food in me so I’m not sure yet. Jess and I planned to go shopping in London, so I thought I’d hold out and get something to eat there. All the way on the train I thought about food. I just couldn’t stop thinking about what I was going to eat. I wanted to eat EVERYTHING and then more. It sounds silly, but I do have eyes bigger than my belly. I usually force myself to finish whatever I look at but I always imagine myself eating 5 pizzas or 40 muffins and I know I can’t.

We took the underground to Piccadilly Circus and went shopping from there. Jess wanted to go into loads of clothes shops but I don’t like clothes shopping. Most of the stores Jess goes into only do stuff up to size 16, and that’s just toooooo tight for me since xmas. Last time I saw her I managed to squeeze into some size 16s, albeit with several inches of flesh hanging out, but now I’m just too fucking fat!!

There was one shop full of sports clothes, JJB or something. She wanted a tracksuit for spring. I’d look well out of place in a tracksuit, I mean I don’t do ANY exercise whatsoever, and it shows on my more than ample frame.

There was all these skinny girls in there and I heard one make a comment about my spots. I can stand the weight thing because it is my fault I’m fat. I don’t really mind being fat, I mean if someone offered me some sort of magic weight-loss thing I’d take it. I probably wouldn’t stop eating as much and I’d be huge again but you know what I mean. But spots aren’t my fault. They’re just there and they stay there no matter what I do. My doctor offered to give me pills to help get rid of them but I had to stay off greasy foods and chocolate and all sorts of things that I love for 2 months before he said he’d give me a prescription so I never took anything. It just really pisses me off when someone makes a comment about my spots because they aren’t my fault. I know greasy foods don’t help but my friend has been eating lettuce since playschool and she has spots as bad as mine.

Anyway, I wanted to say something but London isn’t the place, you’re best staying out of things. I mean I’m not being racist but she was with a gang of black girls and they were pretty bad at my school so I didn’t want to start anything with her. Me and Jess went to a tiny shop a few places down and I could hardly fit through the isles, which is surprising because they went up to a size 18. I tried on a few 18s and I got this really nice pair of jeans with a tear in the knee, a nice green tank top and a jacket. They were a bit tight and I had a belly bulge over my belt buckle but they were comfortable enough. That’s all I really wanted apart from this really nice pair of shoes, but sadly when you’re this heavy you need to think seriously about shoes. I couldn’t honestly see myself wearing them much, they were slightly high heeled and I was so wedged into them my toes were crushed. Sometimes I wish I was just 50 or 60 pounds lighter but I’m massive. Still, I do have a huge belly and Jess can’t say that.

This is when I got carried away. I was thinking about food for the last 3 hours, I don’t usually go more than an hour or two without scoffing something, so my stomach was growling and gurgling. It actually was, Jess said she could hear it. I didn’t know what to have, I fancied everything, but MacDonald’s was closest. I know I know, I need to vary my diet a little more, but I love MaccyD’s and there’s one in every town. Jess ordered a cheese burger and fries with a small coke. Me? I ordered 2 double cheeseburgers, two large fries, a chocolate milkshake, a large coke, a crunchie mcflurry, a donut, a chocolate muffin and an apple pie. I felt soooo greedy ordering so much and Jess got bored waiting for me to finish eating. I didn’t feel bad about that, I mean I had to walk around JJB and feel really awkward as thin girls looked at me, so she should make a few sacrifices for me at least.

I ate and ate. When I was done I was full, but not too stuffed. So I got up and ordered more. As I was in the queue my stomach started to feel tight but I put that down to the jeans I just brought, but as I went back to sit down with my big mac, fries and blueberry muffin my stomach felt totally stuffed and I remembered I was still wearing my old jeans and the new ones were still in the bag. Jess sighed and played with her phone and I thought about not eating it. I was too full but I’d already brought them so I dug in.

I was so stupid, I felt sick but I didn’t stop eating, I kept going. Jess moaned that we had to go soon because we had a train back so I forced down the muffin and we got up to leave, but as I got up I had this stabbing pain in my stomach and I had to sit back down. I had trouble breathing too and I just felt sick. I called to Jess and told her and she said it was my own fault for being such a pig. I don’t mind her saying that because I am, I know I am and she doesn’t mean to offend me. I waddled into the toilets and hunched over a toilet. I only had to wait a second and I puked. I puked loads, but not all of it. When I eat too much I never puke up everything I just puke up enough to keep it down.

I think I told some of you how I ate two 15” pizzas and a half pound burger with fries. Well I was drunk when I did that, and it took a lot longer than the 20 minutes I was eating in MacDonald’s. When it comes to pizzas I eat more, it’s just easier. With burgers and fries it’s a lot harder to hold them down for me. And I overdid the muffins and all that milkshake and ice cream.

Anyway that’s why I’m upset today, it put me off eating until we got back to Jess’ house and then she didn’t think it was a good idea for me to eat so she wouldn’t let me raid the fridge. I wanted to go to the chippy but she thought we should wait.

We just chilled out around the house, I got to go onto my blog and I saw your comments, thanks very much. But I didn’t get to check my e-mails, I did that on my phone, I saw one but couldn’t reply to it. I don’t want Jess to see my blog, it would be so embarrassing.

Eventually Jess let me eat and we went to the chip shop and I had a superlarge portion of chips, a large battered cod and a huge sausage. I felt a lot better after that but I stayed off chocolate for the rest of the night.

Again I’m writing this in my sleeping bag and I have a bottle of coke and I’m on my 5^th bag of wheat crunchies.

I shouldn’t have eaten so much but now I look back on it, it makes me sound soooo greedy, so at least you all get some enjoyment from it.

From those of you I talk to it seems like my eating is important to you, more so than my size or my weight gain. That’s why I try to write this and describe my eating as well as I can, because eating’s what I’m best at, lol.

I love your comments and I want your encouragement and suggestions. So leave comments and give me suggestions, like what you think I should eat, that sort of thing.

I’ll be online again soon after I post this, don’t worry, I’ll talk to you. I was just so overwhelmed by all the messages. But I figured I’ll just go through the windows in the order they pop up in my taskbar and try and talk to all of you if you message me.

Tomorrow I’ll be more sensible, I’ll try and control myself lol.

Tuesday 21^st

The day isn’t over yet but I’m still bored so I thought I’d do this. Today was another long boring slog but hey, I ate plenty of fattening food, and that’s what you want to hear, lol.

We got to bed late last night so no one woke me up, and I didn’t get up until nearly midday. I felt so lazy going downstairs at almost 12 and still not being dressed. Jess’ mum had saved me breakfast, she made sausage sandwiches this morning and had put one aside for me. After over 12 hours without eating I was STARVING!!! So I ate it in about 4 bites lol. She was making lunch anyway and Jess was out seeing her cousin, she said she’d meet me in the park if I wanted to come but it’s been freezing the last few days and today’s been no exception so I didn’t feel like it. Plus it’s a long walk, for me at least.

I took a shower but they don’t have a seat and I really hate having to stand up. My arms get tired reaching up to wash my hair too, I even got out of breath this morning and I hate being short of breath. It’s one of the reasons I don’t like walking because it makes me pant and that makes my throat hurt, even more when it’s cold like this.

I just wanted to sit down and eat until I burst so I only put on stretch pants and a t-shirt. In case you want to know I put on a bra too but it was a little tight and uncomfortable. And if you want to know I wear an E cup. I bulge out of most of my bras and I’ve been measured before as 34D but that was a good 50 pounds ago lol. I’m not sure what size I am exactly because I don’t want to be measured, it’s so embarrassing.

She’d cooked pasta shells and meatballs in tomato sauce. I just sat down and gorged on almost 3 bowlfuls and 4 slices of buttered bread. I couldn’t finish the last one because I was just tooo full and I didn’t want a repeat of yesterday. My belly didn’t ache today which was great, I was just nicely full. I often eat too much and don’t stop until my belly hurts. It’s a curse, I have to wait ages before I can do anything but I was fine today and I could have gone walked around the park, but I didn’t, I’m too lazy lol.

I rang Jess and met her in town at about 3 I think, and since Jess missed lunch she wanted to get something to eat, she rang her mum and she said it was ok. I didn’t feel like MacDonald’s AGAIN so we headed for this café in the shopping centre. I had a coffee with like, tons of cream on the top and a chocolate croissant. I didn’t feel as hungry as I usually do so I passed up on going the full monty and ordering a meal but I did succumb to my immense gluttony when we passed the sweet shop in the lower floor. I made a pick and mix bag and she put it on the scales and it came to over 2 pounds!! That’s weight not cost. And I’ve eaten it all and it’s only about half 4. I’ve got a sugar rush but I’ve got nothing to do so I’m just kind of sitting here.

I still can’t go on the internet; Jess’ll see where I’ve been. I wish I could log onto yahoo but it’d take ages to go through all you guy’s who’ve added me so I couldn’t minimise the window for those 30 seconds (her computer is slow) and she might see something I don’t want her to see.

I’ll finish today’s blog in the next paragraph. You guys are lucky I don’t have a job or anything or I’d be too busy to do what is currently 6 pages. And I’m not even half way through my holiday yet lol!!!

We didn’t do anything again tonight but I insisted on pizza so we got a delivery. I had the 15” meat feast with a litre tub of strawberry ice cream. Jess only shared a 9” with her mother and didn’t eat any ice cream at all! I just laid on the sofa eating for ages lol. I had all the ice cream and all the pizza to myself. I was kind of full when I finished and I gave myself a quick tummy rub in the kitchen while no one was looking. I get really bloated and it feels sooo good to rub it. I saw all the new stretchmarks I have as well, my belly looks like it’s pregnant lol. I don’t really like stretchmarks but I know some of you boys do, so I’m kind of getting to like them.

Jess knows a lot of guys, she’s been out with half of this town and she invited some boys over. She invited this guy who’s only ever been out with big girls because she thought we might get along, but no suck luck. Ricky was nice to me but Jon, the guy she was trying to set me up with, he was just boring and he didn’t talk to me much. Jess wanted to play spin the bottle because she quite fancies Ricky and she went first. It landed on Jon, he asked for a dare and Jess dared him to kiss me. He was so rude, he turned to her and asked if he could pick a truth. I’m not that bad for fucks sake! He did actually kiss me, on the lips and even stuck his tongue in my mouth, but then he laughed that I tasted of pizza sauce and the two boys laughed. I guess I do but that was meant to be a dig at me and that’s not exactly a nice thing to do is it?!

I had it land on me and Ricky dared me to down a bottle of Becks in one go. I don’t think he knows quite what a good drinker I am and I did it all in one. I did have to stop for air a couple of times but I kept the bottle tipped up and downed it pretty quickly. My stomach growled a bit from all the bubbles and that felt quite nice, but I don’t like beer so much. When I burp it makes me feel a bit sick.

Jess’ dare wasn’t fair, Jon dared her to kiss him with tongue. She did it straight away but I would have told him to fuck off. Anyway, when she finished she said he tasted of fish and we laughed. He’s not very bright, and the wittiest thing he came up with was “yeah well that’s because I licked out your mum”, and her mum was just coming down the stairs behind him. She slapped him round the back of the head and you should have seen his face, it was hilarious. He wouldn’t stop saying sorry until he left.

I got to dare Jess, so I dared her to kiss me. The boys laughed but she did, she kissed me. I’m not one for lezzing up, I don’t even kiss boys much, but she’s fucking good! They took a picture of it though so Jess spent the next few minutes trying to get Ricky’s phone. Don’t know if she did get it actually so there’s a chance there’s a picture of me kissing a girl being posted around their school mates right now.

Anyway, tonight was a bit gross I guess. But I had 2 beers and 4 bacardi breezers so I was bound to be a little weird lol. I’m still a bit pissed but it takes a lot more to get me drunk, I think because I’m such a big girl haha. I wanted so much more to eat but I raided the fridge and there were only 2 yogurts and I ate those, so I drank about a pint of milk with some butter-cookies to top me up. Now I’m munching on crisps again, there’s only walkers ones left because I ate all the good ones lol, but anything’s better than nothing.

I think Jess and Ricky are an item now but I don’t care to be honest. I wish that boy Jon wasn’t such a wanker but it’s not easy finding a nice guy when you’re 17 stone!! I know most of you reading this would give your right arm (or your left) just for a date with me but it’s not that simple. I’ll get to know you all better on yahoo soon though I guess so I never know, I might get lucky.

I’m just so hungry, there’s nothing to eat in the house, I’ve eaten all of Jess’ food and all the takeaways are shut. There’s a 24 shop nearby but Jess won’t drive me there because she’s tired and we’ve both had a lot to drink. And she thinks I’m too fat as it is, she hardly wants to feed me any more. I want a feeder, then I’d never ever be hungry. You could make me eat 24/7 if you wanted to and I wouldn’t even have to go out. I’d love it sexually but to be honest I wish I could stop eating because one day I’m going to wake up and I won’t be able to get out of bed. What am I supposed to do then? That’s got to be horrible to wake up one morning and realise you’re stuck in bed. Or that you can’t fit through your own doorways. I can’t stop though and for now I’m only small compared to how you all want me so I think I’ll just go on stuffing my fat face lol!!!

Wed 22^nd

It was pretty boring today, I didn’t get up until 10 and I had a bit of a headache so I lounged around the house with Jess until after lunch. Lunch was tomato soup and then pizza bread, made with French loaves. I only had 3 because there wasn’t enough bread to go around.

Me and Jess went to her cousins house and then we went to Wycombe to have a look around the clothes shops. Again there was nothing that fit and nothing that interested me but we went to KFC and ordered a mega bucket, and I had some popcorn chicken. They didn’t eat much and I was left to finish it as usual lol.

And then we came home and just lazed in Jess’ house again. Jess’ mum didn’t make dinner because she went out but we went to the kebab shop and I had a huge doner but it was wayyy too hot, I burned my tongue!!

That’s all we did really, I didn’t pig out much.

I’m writing this on Thursday but it’s morning so nothing’s happened worth writing about yet. I had 2 eggybreads and a bowl of redybrek for breakfast and I’m just waiting for a lift to the train station to go home. I don’t have the cash for the buffet car so I might have to miss lunch!! God forbid!! Lol!

Thursday 23^rd

Yep, nothing much happened lol. I had a wimpy for lunch, in all truth I had 2! I had a breakfast meal (they serve all morning) with sausages, beans, toast and mushrooms and then I had a cheese burger with fries and a banana milkshake. After that we went straight to the train station. I got on the train on time and it’s just been a long boring day just on transport since then. I only had one sandwich because I didn’t have much money for the buffet car so I got home starving hungry and now I’m just eating a brownie. Dinner is soon, we’re having chicken tika with rice and nann bread (however you spell it!).

Jess text me a lot when I was on the train, she was blaming me because she’s gained 4 pounds. She said it’s my fault because I dragged her to lots of fast food places but she only meant it jokingly, I hope. Lol. If she gained 4 pounds god only knows what I’ve gained!!! I ate much more than I usually do, I might have made it sound like I always eat that much but I really pigged out these last few days. I expect I’ve really filled out too lol!

I’m so tired I’m going to get an early night, but I figure I’ll be online Saturday, I’ll wait until midnight (ish) so all you guys across the pond can chat too, if that helps lol!!!! Hope to talk to some of you then, until then enjoy my diary!